Disappear into Seas and Stones

I purposefully spelled out hopeless as hope less. And I probably have punctuation errors but just let me know what you think please.


Hope less broken soul
Speak to me no more
Cast the dark heart
Into the sea
But still lingering in the woods,
I see no light.


Twilight mends
And hearts of stone
Scrape and collide,
Which breaks against rivers of life.


Hope less broken soul
Only call my be your name
No one wins this game.


Only stars bleed
Against your tears.
I told you,
Speak to me no more!
I cast the dark heart
Into my hand.
No tears
I let you go.


In fields of lilies
I call to them,
Lily, lily
I have no love.
I let go the dark heart
The hope less broken soul.


I tell my story all around
To seas, to stones
To resting bones
"I have no love"
I let go the dark heart,
That cast into my hand
Hope less broken soul
Speak to me no more

This poem seems very mysterious and I love it! I don't quite understand about the "hope less" thing. I normally don't mess with much punctuation, just separating things with commas that need to be separated for some reason. You were worried about punctuation errors, when punctuation doesn't matter too much. Great job!

Hiya! I'm Rosey and I'll be your reviewer for today.

This poem took me some time to understand completely, I'm still not sure I do, but the feel is mostly satisfying to me. After reading this poem I just felt something click within my head about what this poem means, and I like that. At first I was just a bit weirded out by how vague it was, but as the poem progressed I enjoyed it a lot more.

My only suggestion is to reconsider the rhyme in the third stanza. After two free-verse stanzas, and all the other stanzas being free-verse, the rhyme doesn't fit with the tone of the poem.

I really liked this though. It fit together and flowed nicely.

PM me with questions!

~Rosey

First, I have a question.

Why is this poem titled "Dissappear into Seas and Stones"? I honestly think that it should be titled "Hopeless".

Second.

The seperating of the word 'hopeless' was really smart. I liked the way it all turned out. The poem seemed to flow really well.

Third.

My only problem was punctuation. It wasn't distributed well throughout the piece.

Mainly.

Great job

Nice job. I myself have been reading narrative poetry because I am interested in writing my own. You were right, you do have punctuation errors, but I'm not going to point them out to you. I don't feel like nitpicking...
Anyway, I don't really understand why you spelt hopeless the way you did, if you could PM me? Thanks.
I like how your poem was mysterious and strange, somehow making sense and not at the same time. Very nice. Give me lessons some time, huh? (Just kidding.)

Rosey Unicorn wrote:Hiya! I'm Rosey and I'll be your reviewer for today.

This poem took me some time to understand completely, I'm still not sure I do, but the feel is mostly satisfying to me. After reading this poem I just felt something click within my head about what this poem means, and I like that. At first I was just a bit weirded out by how vague it was, but as the poem progressed I enjoyed it a lot more.

My only suggestion is to reconsider the rhyme in the third stanza. After two free-verse stanzas, and all the other stanzas being free-verse, the rhyme doesn't fit with the tone of the poem.

I really liked this though. It fit together and flowed nicely.

PM me with questions!

~Rosey

Yes there does seem to be kind of a hidden message, but I basically put everything out there and i think its difficult for people to grasp what I was saying. But hopefully you get it? I love when people understand my stuff! I think if anyone attempts, they should read mine over like 6 times haha

Ellyphant wrote:First, I have a question.

Why is this poem titled "Dissappear into Seas and Stones"? I honestly think that it should be titled "Hopeless".

Second.

The seperating of the word 'hopeless' was really smart. I liked the way it all turned out. The poem seemed to flow really well.

Third.

My only problem was punctuation. It wasn't distributed well throughout the piece.

Mainly.

Great job

I name my poems, songs, stories, AFTER I write them. The name just comes to me, whatever fits, in correlation to my feelings and the work itself. And thank you for appreciating the hope less. That would be difficult to explain and I just had certain feelings about that.