Restless

so much energy
with nowhere to go
i don't know how
to let it flow
let it leave
let it out
i feel that things
are just about
to blow, explode
take me away
so little time
so much to say
i don't really wanna
fell this way
but all this energy
with nothing to do
is killing me slowly
i just want to
do something
just say something
but my body lets me
betray nothing
about the way
i feel inside
to tell the world
that i feel so alive


---------------------------------

i'm not loving the ending at the mo, any help would be great, thanks.

have a nice day
bluecows

I think this poem has potential. I would like to see it broken up into stanzas. I think it would help separate your ideas better. Although running it together like this does support hte idea of restlessness, so maybe you should just ignore me. Avoid cliches. "so little time so much to say." That is old. I want to read something new. Saying something is "killing" you is a very done hyperbole. "but my body wont let me betray nothing" is a double negative. You have the word "the" and the word "this" next to eachother. Pick one. "I don't want to" sounds more polished than "I really don't wanna." That said, I liked the first 6 lines (although you have rhyme here and nowhere else). They flow nicely with eachother. I think the last two lines are also strong. I like that the poem is about restlessness which is an emotion that is often ignored. I like reading something different.

wow!! thats awesome. the rhyming seems really natural, the lines are short and simple, yet powerful so they say alot without dragging on. i can really relate to the feeling of having lots of creative energy and not knowing exactly how to express it. keep writing!!

So much energy
With nowhere to go
I don't know how
To let it flow
Let it leave
Let it out
I feel that things
Are just about
To blow, explode
Take me away
So little time
So much to say
I don't really wanna
feel this way
But all this energy
With nothing to do <<<< Starting here, your rhyming is messed up.
Is killing me slowly
I just want to
Do something
Just say something
But my body lets me
Betray nothing
About the way
I feel inside
To tell the world
That I feel so alive


I fixed your errors, and pointed out your major one that I couldn't fix. You need to fix it due to YOU being the author. Other than that, good job!

I think the short, choppy lines worked really well in giving the feeling on energy, made me read it faster. Capitalising your I's would be good though, but if you intentionally didn't capitalise at the beginning of your lines because you thought it would fit the poem best, that's okay. Good work.

Matt Bellamy wrote:I think the short, choppy lines worked really well in giving the feeling on energy, made me read it faster. Capitalising your I's would be good though, but if you intentionally didn't capitalise at the beginning of your lines because you thought it would fit the poem best, that's okay. Good work.

Just a quick question, what sort of a statement would intentionally not capitalizing a poem give?

I don't know. But some people don't capitalise, intentionally.