Dance with the Devil

*This is a poem written for the song "Dance with the Devil" by Breaking Benjamen...If you could please listen to it while you read. Thanks!*


The dreams began on the night my brother died
The night I murdered him
He came to me
With his icy blue eyes seeming to swirl with the coldest of fires
I dreamed of him taking my hand
Spinning me around his ballroom with the blood dripping from the walls
He would spin forever
There was no exhaustion
Just movement
And twirls
And jumps
And lies
For I knew that this man was not real
This man that oozes of evil will never be mine

I dreamed of him for ten days straight
We danced the same dance
We stepped to the same beat
The last time I dreamed of him
He said my name
"Sarafina"
And with so much longing, desire, and madness did he murmur in those words
Made me shiver
Before I could act on that longing I was pulled from my sleep

I had awoken with a knife protruding from my chest
I felt my lifeblood seep out of me
I could stand so I crawled to where in my backyard
Did a cross stick out of the ground
With proud righteousness
I curled next to that cross and seeped into my velvet cocoon

I awoke in his ballroom
Naked
With my own blood to cover myself
So much blood was it
It pooled with the other blood that was pouring down the walls
Where I had no beginning and they had no end

He walked up to me
And knelt down
He was in the same tuxedo that I always saw him in
He kissed my forehead
He took out the knife
Only to put it to my heart
Piercing me
But still I breathed
Our blue eyes met
He leaned down and whispered
"Welcome to Hell, My Beloved Sister"

Hey, very well done, I have to say. But it seemed more like a story you were too lazy to write, therefore made into a poem.
As for your opening statement, two important things I learned with writing workshops and such are these:
1. If you have to explain your writing, you're doing something wrong. A poem or short story should speak for itself, or be shown as a puzzle for the reader to solve.
2. Listening to music while writing, where it can be inspiring, can also make effect how the words come out on paper. Sure, a story or poem can sound brilliant and mysterious if you have some creepy, eerie sound in the background, but if you can't find that feeling in the silence, or with a happier tune, the writing isn't what's strong about the piece.
For tip number two, just take any good movie for an example. The soundtrack completes the mood, right?

I don't have much else to say, it's pretty good, and with some work can imprint on readers. Good luck!

Wow, talk about morbid. It was quite an impactful poem to read. While not exactly my cup of tea, it still held my interest, and it was written quite beautifully.

I was a bit confused about the relationship between the male and female. You say they are siblings, and yet there is an underlying tone of something more than just sibling love. Hopefully you did not mean to suggest incest, but that was what I picked up. Especially with such lines as:

And with so much longing, desire, and madness did he murmur in those words

Perhaps you could clarify?

I loved the ending. Welcome to hell. That was brilliant. Good job!