Strained Smile

Strained Smile

It’s damp, cold and glum –
just so ill at ease.
I’ve waited for an hour,
but was simply not appeased.

Sickening, a guilt –
let me faint, forget;
How I pained thy beloved,
that he left me there to fret.

Too quick, cold and frank –
“I leave in a day”,
Pounded fists on the table,
he stood up and went away.

Impatient, a must –
to see, hear and hold.
Overwhelmed sentiments gust,
as the winds begin to fold.

So stumped, sad and pale –
held no more restraint.
Tears rushed fervent with the rain,
there Is nothing worse to taint.

Arid, no downpour,
who else could it be?
An umbrella overhead,
a sullen face smiled at me.

This is a very pretty poem, although -- dare I say? -- I am beginning to be quite bored with the subject. Yes, yes, we know you love is leaving you. But how can you express that in a way no-one else has before? That is all I have to say, because, in the nicest sort of frankness possible, I am finding more and more poetry of this sort to be tedious.

It is a very pretty poem.

Usually I would recomend capitalization, but yours fit together. Usually I would comment on your punctuation, but yours I can't. This poem was heavily armored and I can't seem to find a way to bring it down. Of course, when I get more talented in my reviewing, I might find it's weakness. This was very well written. There's no way that you wrote this ages ago and posted it on here without your editing here and there.

Good job. You are truly talented.

Abigail_W. wrote:This is a very pretty poem, although -- dare I say? -- I am beginning to be quite bored with the subject. Yes, yes, we know you love is leaving you. But how can you express that in a way no-one else has before? That is all I have to say, because, in the nicest sort of frankness possible, I am finding more and more poetry of this sort to be tedious.

My dear, you are quite lost. My (let's pretend the central consciousness of the poem is me) love isn't leaving me! It's about me leaving town. I broke the news to him, and he didn't take it very well. He left me alone, feeling guilty. It began to rain, but as I was leaving, expecting to get wet and all... he was right there, holding up an umbrella for me. It actually has more depth than it was awarded. It's suppose to be about forgiveness, and how people sacrifice so much for the person they care about (i.e. strained smile coz the guy forces himself to smile so the girl will feel better, despite the fact that he's in pain...).

BF. It's kilig.

I love this. I wanna read the prose version now. oh no, I have nothing else to say.

I just absolutely adore this. Touching dude.XD

My mind didn’t fly off somewhere else while I was reading, that happens when I read my chemistry textbook, but I did get a smidge lost during the course of the entire poem. I enjoyed it but I spent more time trying to figure out the message rather than appreciate the beauty, which isn’t a dire thing, but maybe you could add a tad more clarification.