Thin Air - Prologue

I remember wishing I would become the victim of some sort of freak accident, just so he would realize his true feelings for me. How he would think in that moment, clutching my hand as I lay unconscious on the hospital bed, that he couldn’t imagine what it would be like without me. That even though we were only best friends, he realized he wanted more than that. I could picture myself hooked up to an IV machine, beeping sounds penetrating the silence as I breathed slowly. The blinds were shut, leaving the room looking gray and stiff.

But he was there, sitting by my side, never leaving. My eyes would open slowly, and he would smile, telling me how glad he was I survived. Smiling weakly, for my jaw was in too much pain, I squeezed his hand, and he kissed my forehead softly.

That was all I wanted. Was for him to want me. I was willing to imagine myself in pain for it to work out. And not once did I ever think about the fact that in my daydream, it took something as serious as me getting hurt for a thought such as “more than friendly” feelings to even cross his mind. So stupid.

But it’s no longer a daydream. And I wasn’t wishing with all my heart for it to happen anymore. I was wishing it didn’t happen, because now that it had, it wasn’t what I wanted at all. All I wanted was for it—for him, to disappear. Disappear into thin air.

This was quite interesting to read.

The meaning towards the end requires some emotional thinking and is not easy to figure out unless you could identify with it, or, if it ever happened to you.From what I understood,the narrator was purely fantasising.Realising that the other character would not be more than friends with her until such an accident occurred,she crushed any good feelings she had for him.

Is that the right interpretation?

It would be best if this work is left in such a form and not switched to a story.But then,its your choice.

I like

This is a very good prologue. It leaves a lot to the imagination and makes you wonder what you're actually implying.

Young Gun, before me, thinks that along with the injuries, she lost her feelings for her best friend.

My interpretation is that he somehow...causes the accident that leaves her injured? I don't know, that's just me.

And please don't listen to Young gun, this abso-freaking-lutely has to be turned into a story.

Good luck and have fun writing!

~*~Chelsea~*~

NITPICKS:

But he was there, sitting by my side, never leaving.

Oddly worded. Rework.

That was all I wanted. Was for him to want me.

You should connect these sentences so they don't look so awkward. My example: All I wanted was for him to want me back. Kind of rough, but you see what I mean.

OVERALL:

I like your last sentence. It hooks the reader and really makes me want to see more. But I did feel as if you started the story too quickly. Sometimes it can be pulled off, but I think you should elaborate more here. Delve even more into her thoughts. Maybe show us one of her memories she has of him.

Keep writing.

KJ