Left Incomplete

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Chapter One: Numb


I counted down from five under my breath and right on cue my cell phone began ringing on the pillow next to me. I sighed as I stared up at the white chipped paint on the ceiling of my bedroom. It was my mother. It was always my mother, every morning of every day at the same exact time. I turned my back on the phone to look out of the window. It was pouring down raining outside. Big surprise there, it rained so much Seattle. It was one of the reasons I decided to come here.
Like most days I didn’t want to talk to my mother. Though she called everyday, I only answered every blue moon to let her know that I was still alive. The phone rang and rang spreading a hollowing feeling through my body until the voicemail picked up. I continued to watch the rain splat against my window and roll down. I closed my eyes deciding to use the sound more than the sight as a useless lullaby knowing that I’d never fall asleep.
I lied in my bed for only moments before giving up and getting up. I ran my hand through my hair and trudged to the bathroom. The old carpet rubbed against my feet making a low scraping sound. I made it to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face before making my way to our weird L shaped kitchen. My body felt heavy like I was carrying two ton boulders on my shoulders as I opened the fridge door and pulled out the carton of eggs. Our fridge was always sparsely stocked. While I hardly ate anything, my roommate ate everything.
My roommate was a fascinating creature named Mick. He trudged in the kitchen and kissed the top of my head before sitting on the counter next to the stove. He was disheveled all the time. He had shoulder length brown messy hair and always seemed to have a five o’clock shadow. He was tall and gangly with permanently red and glazed eyes. He had the potential to be cute if he cleaned up a little but if he did, he wouldn’t be my Mick. Plus if you knew him long enough his cuteness shined through anyway. I loved all his scruffiness.
I’d known him for a little over two years. I could tell when I’d first met him that I would get a long great with him despite my mindset at the time. We’d gotten close fast and never came across any attraction or sexual tension. Now he’s like a protective older brother to me.
“Top of the morning to ya, love,” Mick said with his famous benign smile.
“Uh huh. You want Eggs?” I replied. He nodded and I started cooking. I wasn’t hungry but I always made him breakfast. It was part of my stale daily routine. He hopped off the counter and turned to the counter next to the sink. It was lined with small round flower pots with sprouting Mary Jane. He took out a plastic spray can and began squirting the plants with water. I finished his eggs and put the plate on the coffee table in the living room.
“Hurry up before they get cold,” I called and it didn’t take him long to come. He sat on the couch and jabbed a fork hungrily into the eggs.
“Munchies already?” I asked folding my arms and looking at him with an amused raised eyebrow. He nodded and scarfed down the food. I shook my head at and went back to my room.
The apartment we share is an average size two bedroom and one bathroom. It was in a nice little complex on the third and top floor. It had no elevator but good lighting. Well maybe I should say there’s a big window in the living room. There’s hardly ever enough sunlight to say good lighting. And there was also a window in the bedrooms and a small one in the kitchen. I loved it. The first day I moved in I knew instantly that the place had the perfect dreariness I wanted to carry out the rest of my days in.



* I haven't been on here in a while but this is a piece of something I've just started to write. I admit that I didn't do a lot of proofreading, so give it to me raw.




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Hi! I felt that this was good as a first chapter; you introduced characters (though we don't know the narrator's name yet), a setting, and even a bit of a plot with the mother's phone calls.
I didn't see much that needed changing, but I think there were a couple things.

Big surprise there, it rained so much Seattle.
You left out the word "in" before Seattle.

I only answered every blue moon to let her know that I was still alive.
I would change it to I only answered once in a blue moon... because I think that's how the saying goes...Even if you don't change it to that exactly, I would at least add the word "once" in there to help the flow.

The phone rang and rang spreading a hollowing feeling through my body until the voicemail picked up.
I would change "hollowing" to just "hollow" because I think it sounds better. Grammatically, I think it works either way though.

My body felt heavy like I was carrying two ton boulders on my shoulders...
Maybe replace "like" with a comma and then "as if I were."

I lied in my bed for only moments before giving up and getting up.
I'm not sure why, but "lied" sounds really awkward here. Maybe it should be "laid" but I'm really not sure on that one.
Also, I'd change "getting up" to "rising" because you already used "up."

I could tell when I’d first met him that I would get a long great with him despite my mindset at the time.
"Along" is one word.

He hopped off the counter and turned to the counter next to the sink.
I assume you're talking about another counter? Well, I'd take out the "off the counter" part and just say "he hopped down" or something, since we already know he's on the counter, and you used the word twice there.

It was lined with small round flower pots with sprouting Mary Jane.
I think...it should be "sprouting Mary Jane plants" or "Mary Jane sprouts."

I shook my head at and went back to my room.
I think you forgot "him" because there's a random "at" floating around in this sentence. xD

And there was also a window in the bedrooms...
There's a bit of verb-object confusion here. You should make "window" plural and change the verb conjugation to match.

Most of the corrections I made are about changing word order and stuff...just making it smoother. Good start, though, definitely. Looking forward to reading more :)



You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan