Hysteria

Okay, I think I've got the formalities of this nailed down but if you spot anything please tell me

Hysteria

A shattered voice
Reaching, touching
Calling out
A cry for help
Pain.

There is no hostel, no refuge
To seek it would be pointless
Screaming, begging for the wraps
Covering up the scathing gashes
To come undone.

To breathe, to sting, to heal
Alone
A sanctuary of souls
Mirrored misery

Touch me, grope my body
Tear at the darkness
Save my life!
Pull me from the depths.

I am often lost, dazed;
I have no boundaries
Except a heavy heart
And you.


reviews are appreciated

This is good, but needs a little work. First thing I noticed was the rhythm/flow. The poem seemed very choppy to me, and I couldn't really figure out what the rhythm was supposed to be. This is probably because of two things: the length of the stanzas and punctuation. Each stanza should be the same length, because it's hard to follow otherwise.

And so far as punctuation goes, you had some, but need more. I would suggest just going through and adding a comma or a period where ever there is supposed to be a pause or a new thought.

I am often lost, dazed;
I have no boundaries
Except a heavy heart
And you.

I didn't really understand what you were trying to say here. This stanza was very different from the rest of the poem, and just didn't seem to make much sense. I would try rewording it, or just completely changing the stanza.

A few other places got confusing as well. Adding punctuation should help, but I would also suggest going back and reading your poem out loud. You had a lot of sections that seemed to be like incomplete thoughts. You would just sort of throw in words that related to the rest of the poem, but didn't really have much to do with what you were saying in that stanza.

You have a good idea here that has potential, it's just a little rough around the edges.