Here's chapter six, which has some minor continuity errors (mostly regarding the terms Founders/guardians) which I'm unsure how to fix.
There's more worldbuilding in this chapter than any of the previous other ones, including a founding myth. That is the part I'm very skittish about, but we'll see...
The End of Time
Part One: The City
Chapter Six: The Founders of Aeta
Nendo wondered how much of his life at Miria Manor was going to be standing around waiting for his lord to arrive.
Shortly after the magic lesson, when Darian had discovered that Nendo could read, he’d ordered Nendo to his upper-floor study, adjacent to the music room, the next morning. Nendo had approached the dark wood door, wondering if should wait outside for Darian to call him, but when he pushed the door he found it was unlocked. Peeking inside, he saw that the study was empty, so decided to head inside and wait for Darian to arrive.
He felt he’d been waiting for almost half an hour already. Discontentedly, Nendo wondered where Darian could be; after all, the young lord tended to spend his days holed up in his studies and music room. Yet on the day when he’d called Nendo to the study, he was nowhere in sight.
Because he had nothing else to do, Nendo began wandering around the study. It was about twice the size of the magic room, paneled in honey-colored wood. Two large windows on the opposite wall let in pale early morning sunshine, flooding the room in light. A long, highly-polished wooden desk sat in the center of the room atop a rug; a hand mirror perched on the edge of the desk. Behind it was a tall, padded leather chair.
The mirror on the desk, Nendo realized with surprise, was the only one in the room: the long walls from which mirrors normally hung were lined with bookshelves, as was the wall to either side of the door. Nendo stepped forward and approached one of the bookshelves, examining the rows of books it contained. He’d never seen so many books before; it almost appeared to him that the shelf held all the books in the world. There were thick volumes bound in board, rows of smaller books bound in leather of every color, even a few slim silver panels that Nendo thought must be the Coalition version of books. He reached out and ran his hand down the worn leather spine of one book bound in red leather, tracing the myriad cracks in the soft material, stroking the firm bumps of the title embossed in gold.
Like all the books on the shelf, this book—titled A History of the Southern Lands of Aeta—was worn, its binding cracked and discolored with age. He reached out and lifted the book from the shelf, using both hands because it was so heavy. When he flipped it open, he saw that the pages were yellowed from age, creased and dog-eared; and the margins were filled with cramped, spidery handwriting.
Nendo replaced the book, pulling out another. It, too, was in fairly beat-up condition: some pages had even begun to fall out. All the books on the shelf seemed to be in a similar state. They weren’t for display, to show off how erudite the lord was while remaining unopened and pristine; these books had been read, thumbed through in the dead of night, scrawled in. They had been loved.
Unbidden, a faint memory trembled within Nendo: one of rows of shelves made of somewhat less sumptuous wood, also crammed with battered, well-read books. And he remembered sitting in someone’s lap, in a woman’s warm skirt, pointing at the words in a book with small hands—
But then the image was gone, sliding like a fistful of sand through his fingers. Nendo stood frozen in front of the bookshelf, trying to call the memory back. It was futile: the memory clearly had been one from his forgotten past, one that had risen briefly from the dark river only to be snatched back again.
The sound of the door opening distracted Nendo from his musings. He turned to see Darian entering the room. Automatically, Nendo lowered into a brief bow. “My lord.”
“Stand,” said Darian with a lazy wave of his hand. Nendo obeyed, gazing ahead at his approaching lord. Darian wasn’t clad in magician robes, but in a white shirt with lace cuffs, a lavender cravat, and dark pants. In one hand, he idly twirled a dark purple flower—so he’d been on the grounds? Strange. Nendo hadn’t once seen Darian leave the mansion house before.
“First things first,” Darian was saying as he crossed the room to the desk and slid into the chair. “How are you, a street boy, literate?”
Nendo figured Darian was going to ask him that question. He said, gazing at the lord whose small form was dwarfed in the chair, “I don’t know.”
“Ah,” said Darian, not sounding perturbed at all, plucking at the lace on the edge of his cuffs. “I assume it’s from the same source from which you learned magic?”
Nendo thought about the memory that had appeared in a flash of clarity and nodded.
“Hmm,” said Darian, clasping his hands together and resting his chin on top of them. He looked like a scholar about to deliver a lecture. “How well can you read?”
“Well…I mostly read signs,” said Nendo. “The ones on hotels and shops and stuff. During the festivals I read the decrees and poetry on the bulletin posts, though.”
“I see,” said Darian, gazing off at a point in the distance that Nendo couldn’t see. “Well, if that’s the case…” He stood up, pushing the chair behind him, and headed for one of the bookshelves. Once at the shelf, he began searching through the multiple volumes neatly lining it, until he selected one bound in green leather, grabbed it with both pale hands, and carried it, tucked almost gently under one arm, to the desk.
“Have a seat,” said Darian, gesturing towards the simple wooden chair in front of the desk. Nendo obeyed, slipping into the hard seat as Darian took his position in the enormous leather chair again, resting the book on top of the desk.
“You can read this title, I assume,” he said, pointing at green-bound volume.
Nendo could, even though it was upside down. “The Stories of Aeta—Volume I.”
“Good.” Darian nodded. “It was my father’s.”
Again, that strange soft note entered his voice on the word father. Nendo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, hoping Darian wouldn’t start going on and on about his father again like he had yesterday in the magic room.
Thankfully, Darian didn’t continue pursuing this tangent. He instead flipped the book open to an early page. Nendo tried to make out the dark text, but it was upside-down and very small, and anyhow covered with handwriting in variously colored ink: some of the words were written in the same spidery script Nendo had seen earlier, while most were in a graceful, swooping script.
Nendo had the feeling that the spidery script was Darian’s; the graceful one his father’s.
“How much,” Darian was saying, “do you know about the story of Aeta’s founding?”
“Um…you mean, the one with the Founders and the Protector and stuff?” Darian nodded. “Some…I know that the, um…the Founders came to the planet and told the Protector it was his to…um…protect.”
Nendo really didn’t know. He saw the statues of the Protector all over and read the poetic interpretations of the planet’s founding story often, but was never clear on the details, except that these beings called the Founders had landed on the planet in streaks of light from the sky and then given the Protector the duty of keeping it safe. After that, the Protector had had a lot of adventures, traveling the planet and slaying monsters and leveling mountains, until one day he had gone off to the stars to join the Founders. Other than that bare minimum, Nendo didn’t know anything about it. And didn’t have to; knowing about the Protector wouldn’t help feed him, after all.
“I figured as much,” said Darian with a dispassionate shrug. “Here.” He shoved the book towards a startled Nendo, who managed to catch it before it slid off the desk.
“Um…what?” said Nendo, staring at Darian.
“Read it,” said Darian, his tone imperious. “If you can’t read some of the harder words, then ask me. Now get reading.”
“Can I ask why?” said Nendo, a surge of irritation rising inside him. This wasn’t the first time Darian had inspired such a reaction from him, though, he thought darkly.
“It’s the first part of your education,” retorted Darian, crossing his arms and shooting Nendo a patronizing glare. “The full Story of the Founding is the first story any Aetan student learns.”
“Education…?” said Nendo, incredulous.
“Well, yes,” said Darian. “I suppose since I’m supervising your magical education, I might as well take care of your education in other ways as well.”
Nendo blinked. “You don’t do this for all your servants, do you…?”
“No,” said Darian. “But you’re no ordinary servant, are you, Nendo? You can resist time magic, you can perform battle magic, and you’re literate. I’d say there’s something…more…to you, wouldn’t you?”
“No, I’m not…I’m not special,” mumbled Nendo, lowering his head. But he knew Darian’s words were true. Nendo had never been a typical street boy, and now with his ability to resist time magic, he was even less typical.
“Read it,” commanded Darian.
Well, if Darian was commanding him to…Nendo sighed and bent over the book. The text was much smaller than that he was used to, but he found if he leaned so close that his nose was almost touching the page he could make out the words (even under all the scribbling). He wasn’t sure what to do with the book at first—should he prop it on his lap, or hold it in his hands?—before settling on leaning over it.
In the beginning, the tiny text read, there was the world Aeta, but it was barren. Only shadows and insects grew on its desolate surface. Then the Founders fell from the sky in streaks of fire and flaming metal. Where they landed, trees shot into the sky and mountains rose from the Earth. But still there were no humans in the world.
The only word Nendo really had a problem with was “desolate”, which Darian explained to him. He read on: One day the Founders gathered to create four creatures shaped in their image, who walked upright and could think and talk. The first they created was a man forged from the earth whose duty would be to protect the world Aeta from all intrusions. They gave to the Protector magical arts with which to attack and defend.
The first question Nendo had, after clarifying what “intrusion” meant, was, “Wait, there were four…? I thought it was just the Protector—”
But he found himself remembering Masudo’s words, when they’d first met in the marketplace: The Traveler is the Founder to whom we time mages owe our allegiance, just as battle mages follow the Protector and healing mages the Nurturer.
“Read on,” Darian said, impatiently. Nendo hastened to obey, not just because he’d been ordered but because he was becoming interested himself.
The second they created was a woman forged from the seas whose duty would be to nurture the world’s life. They gave to the Nurturer magical arts with which to heal and restore. The third they created was also a woman, forged from the winds, whose duty would be to foresee the world’s future. They gave to the Seer magical arts with which to predict and forecast.
The unfamiliar names leapt out at Nendo: Nurturer…Seer…yet it made sense. Battle magic was represented by the Protector; wouldn’t the other disciplines, like healing and divination magic, have their own guides? If that was so, didn’t that mean, then, that time magic would have its guardian…? The “Traveler”…?
Curiosity trembling within him, Nendo read on.
The fourth and last they created was a man forged from the fire at the world’s core, whose duty would be to travel the currents of time. They gave to the Traveler magical arts with which to manipulate the ebb and flow of time itself.
So Masudo had been right. Nendo immersed himself in the words again, caught up in the narrative.
After the Founders created the Protector, Nurturer, Seer, and Traveler, the Founders left the world on their chariots of flaming metal, leaving it to the devices of the four guardians. Using their magical arts, the guardians created a race like them, also able to walk and reason and use magic, but less powerful, and mortal. These were the humans, the Founders’ grandchildren. Under the guidance of their guardians, the humans prospered and Aeta became a beautiful world.
Yet there was strife among the guardians. The other three often clashed with the Traveler, who was irresponsible and wished to voyage to distant worlds instead of staying and guarding the world he was given. The people under his charge, the people of fire, sickened and suffered even while the rest of the world prospered. Eventually the Protector delivered to the Traveler an ultimatum: he could either stay on Aeta and give up his dreams of journeying or could leave the world forever and never bother the remaining three guardians again. The Traveler chose to leave to the stars as the Founders had.
Many years passed. The Protector, Nurturer, and Seer presided over a beautiful world that grew more and more lovely with every day. They saw their humans grow and change and create magnificent cities. Eventually the three guardians decided that they could guide humans no longer, and so shed their physical bodies to join their comrade the Traveler and their creators the Founders in the stars.
But they will return to Aeta, all four of them. When Aeta faces its greatest crisis, when the conditions of is early days are repeated, the guardians’ spirits will fall from the sky and manifest in human form. The Protector reborn will gather his comrades about him and deliver Aeta from the threat outside. And under his wise guidance and the guidance of his fellows the world will prosper and enter a new golden age.
The story ended there; it wasn’t very long. Nendo lifted his head from the dark words, his heart racing, blood pounding in his ears. He felt a strange, curious sense of—excitement, he supposed, rising in the pit of chest…
“There’s so much…” He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. “I mean, I didn’t know. I didn’t know about the Nurturer and Seer and the Traveler…and all that stuff with the Traveler leaving…”
“Of course you wouldn’t,” said Darian shortly, resting his hand, almost affectionately, on the open page. “Theratolia is dominated by its battle mages; obviously they prefer to glorify the Protector and ignore the other three. This book is one of the least biased accounts I could find, and even then, you’ll notice that its ending mentions only the Protector and relegates the other three into being ‘comrades’ and ‘fellows’.”
“I know about that,” said Nendo. “I mean, the bit about the Protector returning. A lot of people on the streets, they say that it’s going to happen soon, because the ‘threat outside’ has already arrived.”
“The Coalition.” A hint of a smirk twitched the corner of Darian’s mouth. “Of course. And you’ll notice the story says when the conditions of its early days are repeated…”
Nendo blinked, unsure of the relevance of the line—until he remembered the plague sixteen years ago that had decimated the time mage population. “The Traveler leaving…the time mages dying?”
“Sharp,” said Darian with a nod. “We live in very uncertain times, Nendo. In uncertain times, people grasp for connections—look for clues—especially in the world’s past.”
“Uh-huh,” said Nendo, though he didn’t exactly understand what Darian meant. But they did live in uncertain times. He thought of the constant whispers on the streets about the influx of offworlders, the rebel groups clamoring for formal Coalition membership…and he thought about the bomb that had detonated in the street. Again, he felt at the shard of wood in his pocket.
“Do you believe the story, Nendo?”
Nendo jerked up, the soft, solemn quality in Darian’s voice capturing his attention. He met the young lord’s midnight blue eyes, his heart thudding so loudly he thought both could hear it. Clearly, this question was important…
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A break that is not a scene break, but merely the halfway point.
More icky repetition here. I think I eventually broke out of that habit, but that wasn't until after chapter ten...so you have to suffer through more of it.
All critiques (the more shreddy you can make them, the better) I'd appreciate. In particular, I'd like some thorough comments on the founding myth, as it was the first time I've ever written anything in such a style and I don't know how well it actually holds up as, well, a founding myth. Does it seem vaguely plausible, or too hokey?
This chapter is one which I have mixed feelings on...the continuity errors (switching from "Founder" in previous chapters to "guardians" here) are bothering me as I'm unsure which term would actually work better. I like the sound of "Founder" but it doesn't work well with the myth, so...yeah. Also, I feel like I ran out of steam by the time the second part rolls about, so I'm dissatisfied there. But I'll leave you readers to judge.
Fire away, men (and women, and everything else in between). The more napalm you can drop on this, the happier I will be. We've only got two more chapters until the awesomeness of chapters eight-to-ten hits...
