Young Writers Society

Myopic Hindsight

If the earth bucked, split,
Swallowed me and chewed
Home to jagged pieces,
You would remember waves
Sifting a castle back to sand.
Wouldn’t you?

If I screamed to make blood curdle,
“Please, God, make it go away.”
You would remember a spider’s shadow
Glooming grey upon the wall.
You would.

If my leg tore itself away,
Turned marionette
And performed an independent cancan
You would remember me
Wincing a little, but dancing.
You know you would.

And of all you’ve done to me
You remember
Making love.

I know better.

You bucked. I split.
I screamed. I tore,
Turned marionette,
And danced for you regardless.

You were Home once.
Now, you are walls that don’t talk,
And don’t remember.

But I do.

Well, I'm pretty sure I get this...if not, I'm sorry ahead of time.

This is a great poem. The first three stanzas have their own analogies, where each is compared to something much more minor in contrast. Then, portions of each stanza are brought together to form a stanza in themselves, relating to the one previous.

Cool.

The one thing I do not like is the last stanza. There is no reference to it in the poem at all, which seems to be the basis for the structure of this piece...I'd find a way to work it in the poem elsewhere, because right now it seems rather out of place, just sitting there nice and quiet at the end. It's a great stanza to be sure, but it doesn't seem to fit, other than it is an analogy.

PM me if you need me to better explain this, I don't want to give away what I believe the poem to be about and ruin it for the other readers.

--Quiz

"Chewed home to jagged pieces" is the reference point for "You were home once."

Em, I don't understand it. Could someone explain it to me?

Ieatworms wrote:"Chewed home to jagged pieces" is the reference point for "You were home once."

Ah, so it does.

Carry on then. Nice work.

--Q