Summer of Love -- Preface

**Hi, guys. Summer--Solstice here and this is the preface to my novella, I guess. Not really looking to ever publish this but I'm in need of constructive ctiticism because I have to use this story in a school application this year! (is so not nervous >>) I'll be posting the next chapters soon and poetry I have to write, also for the application. Be brutal! I need to learn!**

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"When the world says give up, hope whispers… Try one more time."
~ Author Unknown


Coming into my own had always proved to be a problem with me. I mean, what did I want to do with my life? Where was I going to be in ten years from now? Ever since I’d been a little girl I didn’t know what I wanted to do, unlike the other four and five year olds who wanted to be veterinarians or astronauts. I just did not know.

This bothered me so much that I had created a barrier around myself that I would not let anyone invade. Not even my parents.

Then I met him, during the summer trip I thought would otherwise end in failure.

And he found me. He dug me up out of the ground and showed me the world, well, a very small portion of the world - but you get the point.

He saved me from myself.

Hi
This is kind of short for me to be able to do a nice long review, but I'll do my best.

I just did not know.

I would try 'didn't'

that I would not

Maybe 'wouldn't'

You need to describe your characters more. Give them emotions and flesh them out a bit. We don't have much of a clue who's speaking, and nothing about him.

Also you don't really have a plot behind the story. What's the story about? You don't really go anywhere wit what you've written so far.

I hope I helped. Feel free to PM me with any questions if you like.




~Tayla

Hi! Welcome to YWS!

Ok, so the review:
I have to agree with Tayla. It was too short, even for a preface. I would have liked to see more.

As for the tittle, my first impression was that it was going to be something about the sixties. You know, Summer of Love 1967 ? But its probably not.

Overall, I only have one question: Youre eleven? You write amazing! I wish that 4 years back I could right half as well.

Keep writing! You have a future in this.

I see that its very short and it bothers me a lot to, but for some reason after I wrote that I couldn't write any more XD

I've thought about working on something to add to it, like maybe a memory she had or something. And TaylaChase, its not supposed to give a lot away about my characters, you'd know everything if it did ;D

And, I'm not eleven *lol* That was just the number of posts I had. I'm 13 =D

I love it hun! Its very...me! You and I have similar writing styles my dear! You have a very unique one, as do many. But we have that one thing in common I'm not sure what but your narator is very much something I would write. Go you! Great job! And I am also 13 so another thing we have in common hahaha! Neat can't wait to read more! x

Hey Summer!

Coming into my own had always proved to be a problem with me.

Coming into your own?

Ever since I’d been a little girl I didn’t know what I wanted to do, unlike the other four and five year olds who wanted to be veterinarians or astronauts.

How about instead of 'I didn't know,' 'I hadn't known?'

He dug me up out of the ground and showed me the world, well, a very small portion of the world - but you get the point.

After 'dug me,' the 'up' isn't necessary, and 'but you get the point' is kind of a change of voice or tone. And you probably don't need the 'small portion of the world part.' The reader gets the fact that it's only a small part of the world by themselves, you can trust them to understand. Your readers are smart.

I really liked that piece, the only problems with it were the little ones. The only other thing I have a problem with is the title? It doesn't interest me that much.

Hope that helps!
--Chloe