thunderstorm

Why does the sky flash blue?
Doing something, that always seems new.
Booming sounds, that flutter my heart.
Vibrating through the walls of hatred, smothering me with reassurance, I’m falling back to the start.

Tuning out the truth, meaningless hope keeps me coming back to you.
Thunder storms flash blue, cover the truth, tune out the thoughts, with the
sounds in the sky. Trying not to cry, rain starts, time to depart.
Start again, thunder booming in my head.

Replenish the mind, the heart, the soul.
When its over, I come back to you, loosing control.
Repeating what I did before, you leave me again.
Thunderstorm restarts, shooting sparks at my soul.
Can’t go back to the start, only forward, and it’s not okay,
I don’t want it to be over, can’t have another day.
Too bad, too late, having problems, of blackened hate. What happened to make us come to this state?
Why does the sky flash blue?
It’s time for me to start new, no longer do I belong to you.

You were the thunderstorm, that broke through the walls.
Holding me down inside these halls.
I’m done listening to your dull tales.
I’m in my beginning, my love for you descending.

You are not my happy ending.
My heart now replenishing.

please let me know if there's something i need to fix.
thanks everyone ! <3


-marshmellow-warrior-

Hey Marshie ^^ Shina here!

Please don't bump your thread by being the first to reply. Critiques will come ^^ If you really wanted a review, just post in the Will Review For Food thread in lounge, or click the link in my signature.

I apologize for not being able to review for you right now, as I am very busy =_=

-Shina

It's really good. I don't think there are any mistakes (although sp has never been my strong point) It's a great expresive lymric. Keep up the good work!

that was wonderful (: x

Haha, a good job as usual
Keep it up hun.

Your still great at your poetry, and I hope that you'll be able to write more for me to read.

First of all, great poem. Really deep in the emotions, and very well written. I only have a few corrections you might find helpful (or you can just throw them away, I really don't care!):)

Why does the sky flash blue?
Doing something, that always seems new.
Booming sounds, that flutter my heart.
Vibrating through the walls of hatred, smothering me with reassurance, I’m falling back to the start.

Tuning out the truth, meaningless hope keeps me coming back to you.
Thunder storms flash blue, cover the truth, tune out the thoughts, with the
sounds in the sky. Trying not to cry, rain starts, time to depart.
Start again, thunder booming in my head.

Replenish the mind, the heart, the soul.
When it's over, I come back to you, loosing control.
Repeating what I did before, you leave me again.
Thunderstorm restarts, shooting sparks at my soul.
Can’t go back to the start, only forward, and it’s not okay,
I don’t want it to be over, but Ican’t have another day.
Too bad, too late, having problems, of blackened hate. What happened to make us come to this state?
Why does the sky flash blue?
It’s time for me to start new, no longer do I belong to you.

You were the thunderstorm, that broke through the walls.
Holding me down inside these halls.
I’m done listening to your dull tales.
I’m in my beginning, my love for you descending.

You are not my happy ending.
My heart now replenishing.

All in all,very good.