The Telephone Call

A/N: Alrighty... due to some recent hardships, here's how I feel. I hope the message comes across and that you enjoy

They say I shouldn’t ask you why,
But I believe you can take it…
It’s what you’d want.

I mean, it should be expected, right?
Sometimes you let things slip that
We find terrible and undeserved.

Why him?
Why her?
Why me?
Why so late?

I could’ve done something,
Had you told me.
I could’ve stopped if you
Told me it was wrong.

Are you there?
At times, it’s feels like
I’m talking to a fantasy.

There are times I want to thank you.
Times I want to blame you.

But perhaps this is
Too much for one
Telephone call.

Should I hang up for now,
Or for good?

This is really good.
You capture that uncertain feeling you often get in a relationship perfectly.
There are lots of mixed emotions, love ,loss etc
A lot of people that will be able to relate to this, and making a piece people can relate to is one of the great struggles as a writer.
but.
I do think this belongs more in the dramatic poetry section, try and make it more whimsical by adding some more adjectives.
Maybe describe the telephone that's calling, it will give a greater sense of dread or joy.
Extend the line to I'm talking to a fantasy. add what kind of fantasy it's like, a exciting, terifying???
Say why you sometimes want to blame her/him or thank her.
Why? what has he/she done????????????????????????????
The best line I think is
I could’ve stopped if you

Told me it was wrong.
Is my favorite because it has a lot of sides to it. Ignorance, Innocence, etc
I think that you should another poem to this one, to see what happened, just a thought, you might want to leave your thoughts unchanged.
You could very easily change this into a short story by adding more words.
You could even change this into a script , like a monologue off the narrator's mind mixed with the flashbacks and thoughts of he/shes lover.
I do think this is really good. It's not easy making a unique piece of work from a subject that is often writen about.
and you pull it of.
Keep Writing

Vera

Hey Living ^^ Shina here to do a review for you I won't criticize much on the idea since it's your writing and it should be what you want it to be, but I'll try to help you express what's on your mind.

They say I shouldn’t ask you why,
But I believe you can take it…

Punctuation is everything In poetry if you put commas instead of semicolons, there would be a completely different effect. The ellipses here gives the poem a long pause. I'd suggest just a semicolon instead.

Should I hang up for now,
Or for good?

xD I like this ending. A lot of relationship talk is over the phone these days. I'd tell the narrator to hang up for good.

But anyways, you seem to have an idea that you're going for, a point, but you're just not getting there. The idea isn't clear and you need to be more direct with what you're saying. Tie it all together.

-Shina