Impossible to Forget

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"Sis, you okay?" my 20 year old brother, Jonathan asked. His light brown hair, the same shade as mine, flopped in front of his blue eyes. People would have looked at us as twins if it weren't for my green eyes.

He had always been extremely protective of me.

He was only inches away from me and yet, I saw two of his heads. Was that possible? Oh god, I have to shake off this nostalgia. Having not slept for a week can have this effect on you but I just couldn't sleep. I would either wake up screaming or have sweat dripping down my face. Not even sleeping pills were effective. Everyone was worried about me but I always managed a smile and reassured them that everything was fine.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"You don’t look like it,” he said.

I instantly remembered the make- up that I had used to cover up my bags. Was it wasting away?

"I'm fine," I said, "I just want some sleep."

He looked at me as if trying to figure out whether I was lying or not but soon gave up. He stuck some headphones into his ears and closed his eyes, dozing off. Lucky bastard.

Even though it was dark through the windows, my mind wasn't in the mode to sleep so I grabbed a random french magazine and started reading. Wow, I was on the front cover. Surprise, surprise. A fan had been planted in front of me, my curls flying behind me; supermodel style.

But that was a few days ago. I was going to quit modeling. For good. I don't have the energy anymore to strut down the runway with five inch heels on and the lights blinding my eyes. After my mother had passed away and how James had tried to rape me, I just can't concentrate. That's why my Aunt Linda suggested L.A.

I haven't been in L.A. for seven years. I wonder how things have changed. Being the rich businessman he is, my father as well as my aunt took a flight several days before us to L.A.

I propped the magazine back in its slot just as the Pilot announced we're in a thunderstorm and should remain in our seats. As if.

Feeling a need to reapply my makeup, I popped back on my PRADA sunglasses and glanced over my snoozing brother. Being the ignorant child I am, I walked down the aisle towards the bathroom. Halfway down though, I tripped over someone's foot and landed face- down on the airplane carpet.

Ouch, that hurt. I looked up to see a guy sitting in the front class white seats about my age smirking at me. Boy, was he hot. He was a golden bronze color with tousled dirty blonde hair and a sea pool of blue eyes.

I felt guilty of those thoughts as I remembered Adriene shouting 'I Love You' before I boarded my plane.

“Hasn’t your mother ever taught you to keep your feet to yourself?” I asked as I took hold of an armrest and picked myself up.

“It’s not my fault you have no balance,” he smirked.

I opened my mouth to reply but then the airplane shifted thanks to the stupid thunderstorm. I automatically lost my balance as the airplane shifted yet again but a cool hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I squirmed.

“Hold still,” he said.

“In your dreams,” I said. I plucked his hands off of my waist and slid into the empty chair next to him. I secured the seat belt against myself and sighed a breath of relief as the plane started to fly smoothly again.

"You look familiar," he said.

"So I've been told," I said. However, as soon as I landed on my own two feet, I started to lose conscious. Everything in my perspective was spinning and I couldn’t stand still even though I was only wearing flats. I suddenly felt a pair of two strong hands envelope around me; the same pair that had saved me before. My PRADA sunglasses fell to the floor with a clang.

"Shit," he muttered, “You okay?”

He held onto me as I slowly worked my way towards the cushioned seat. I finally sat down and blinked a couple of times to regain my sight but I still felt weak. I looked up at the guy to see my green eyes reflect in his livid blue eyes filled with worry.

When he met my eyes, his face was priceless. "Stephanie? Stephie?" he said.

No one had called me Stephie in seven years. I suddenly became aware where I had seen those beautiful blue eyes before.

"B-b-Brandon?" I stammered.

"Wow,” he said, "I never thought I'd see you again." He raked his fingers through his dirty blonde hair making it even more messy and hot.

Instead, I pushed back those feelings as I put back on my sunglasses and abruptly stood on my two feet. However, I stumbled but Brandon was right beside me and caught my flailing arms.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, “I never knew you to have this bad of a balance.” I could see he was truly concerned but I was trying really hard to hide this from everyone, the fact that I can’t sleep. They would just send me to therapy sessions AGAIN.

“Let me go,” I said shaking him off, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look like it,” he said.

“Why the hell do you give the shit?” I screamed, “It’s not your business!”

Not to mention, along with fainting, came crabbiness without sleep.

I wobbly headed towards the bathroom, clutching the arm- rests to guide me. On the way there, I grabbed a towel from one of the airline ladies who insisted I sit down. I waved her away. When I reached the bathroom, I slammed the door shut to see myself reflected in the mirror but it wasn't the usual me. I looked horrible, well worse than I usually did. My bags were apparent and my hair was really disheveled as well as losing its shine that it used to have. My brown curls framed around my pale heart shaped face making me look more of a ghost than I already did.

I sighed and splashed some coldwater onto my face before wiping it away with the towel. I then took out my makeup out of my hoodie pocket which consisted of eyeliner, concealer and eyeshadow. I quickly applied them on and then opened the bathroom door. Leaning against the wall looking like the rich boy he was was Brandon Chasden. I ignored him and attempted to walk out unseen.

“I think this belongs to you,” he said throwing a pink bedazzled Sidekick LX at me. It was vibrating with several new texts when I abruptly turned to catch it. It must’ve slipped out of my jeans pockets.

I didn't say anything, not even a thank you.

“Your makeup can’t fool anyone,” he said coming closer, “You’re not the same Stephie I knew.”

“That Stephie was seven fricking years ago,” I said.

I don't know why but just looking at him reminded me of James. Why did every guy in this world have to be a frickin pervert?

“Stephie…” he started but I fled. I wiped away all my tears smearing my makeup. I stood up to go to the bathroom again but the speaker announced we were landing and I was afraid I must see Brandon again.

My phone then vibrated with a new text. I flipped open my sidekick and checked my inbox.




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Points 890
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This is really good! I really want to know what happens next! My only complaint is that you kinda jumped right into the whole "Heyyy this girl is on the front page of a fashion magazine" It kinda took me off guard for a minuet, maybe you could drop a hint to let the reader know that this is a model first off, it was just a bit sudden.
Also, when stating brand names like "Prada" it's not necessary to capitalize the entire word.
Overall I really like the story! I hope you continue with it!
~Caleigh

"We sit and listen and are enthralled anew, for good stories, it seems, never lose their magic." - Libba Bray




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Hello :)
Im so happy to welcome you to YWS! I hope you've checked it all out. im also very excited to see you write some more. :)

Just a little reminder, or maybe you just didn't know, before you post a piece of your work you have review two different pieces of work. this ensures that everyones work is reviewed.

On with your review: I though this was a little abrupt. You tried to cram everything about her into such a short piece. try to space it out a little bit. For example, maybe you can work in that her mother had died some where else in the story instead of just combining it with why she cant be a super model. Also I think that maybe when Stephanie see's Brandon she can think she see's James. Thats when you can incorporate that fact that she was almost raped.

It just feels like your telling us this happened, then this, and this. Maybe try a slower pace with some great details. Emotion is a wonderful detail and i dont really feel it in this. The whole not sleeping thing was being redundant, but I would love to know what's bothering her. Please post some more.

Also if you have any questions please pm me i would love to answer any questions that you may have :)

-Good job

Tiffany
There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~ Red Smith

Who needs a review? :) http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic38078.html




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Points 890
Reviews 29
It's really good! Like one person said I was kind of confused at the way you told us she was a model, but other than that I don't really have any other complaints about your story =] I would really like to see what happens next, so do write more!!! =]
R.I.P. MJ. Gone too soon.




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This was really good! I'm excited for the next chapter. Great job on Brandon: his quick recognition was a little surpising, as was the narrators anger. I'm sure theres a whole story behind it, and I'm very excited to see what happens next! Keep it up!
~*~fairygirl~*~
“"Up is down"? Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful.”
~Jack Sparrow, At Worlds End




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"Sis, you okay?" my 20 year old brother, Jonathan asked.

This is way too straight-forward.

People would have looked at us as twins if it weren't for my green eyes.

This makes no sense; faternal twins (twins that can be one boy and another girl) can have different eye colors, due to them not having the same DNA.

Having not slept for a week can have this effect on you, but I just couldn't sleep.

Add a comma after "You."

Everyone was worried about me, but I always managed a smile and reassured them that everything was fine.

Add a comma after "Me."

Even though it was dark through the windows, my mind wasn't in the mode to sleep, so I grabbed a random french magazine and started reading.

Add a comma after "Sleep."

I was going to quit modeling, for good.

Make this into a single sentence.

Being the rich businessman he is, my father, as well as my aunt, took a flight several days before us to L.A.

More commas need to be added.

As if.

This term is way outdated and cliche'.

I popped back on my PRADA sunglasses and glanced over my snoozing brother.

Prada does not need to be in all caps.

Boy, was he hot.

This statement is too blunt, plus, I hate the term "Hot" in literature. It's cliche' and not very descriptive.

He raked his fingers through his dirty blonde hair, making it even more messy and hot.

Put in a comma afer "Hair," and use another synonym for the word underlined.

They would just send me to therapy sessions AGAIN.

No need for that to be all capititalized.

Leaning against the wall looking, like the rich boy he was, was Brandon Chasden.

Two commas need to be added to correct this sentence.

“I think this belongs to you,” he said, throwing a pink bedazzled Sidekick LX at me.

There needs to be a comma after "Said," and it'd be best if you described the cell phone instead of calling it by it's brand and type; not everyone is fimilar with cell phone brands and Sidekicks.

I flipped open my Sidekick and checked my inbox

"Sidekick" should be capitalized.

Overall: I like how different your story is to others. Never had I read something on here about a girl being famous. Though, I must say, I like the premise of the story much more than the writing of the story its self. You need to work on your writing skills a lot more; practice where and how to use punctuation, try elabortating more, and use better vocabulary for your descriptions.
House: People interest me. Conversations don't.
Foreman: Maybe because conversations go both ways.
House & Foreman: Like Thirteen.




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Reviews 15
Okay, this is really interesting. I want to see more of it if you decide to continue, but if you do continue build up more of a conection between the girl and her brother...that could turn out to be really interesting. I also like the part where Steph kinda falls in front of Brandon, but I don't think that you explain the situation very well. I think you just threw it all at the reader like...a snowball kind of. It was just a lot to take in at one time. So like rascalover mentioned...slow down, take a breath and space it out so it flows a little better.

One thing that I totally enjoyed was the mood of the scene...it was frantic and disorganized (don't let the writing be like that), and it gave stephanie a real sense of lack of sleep. I could really feel her lack of sleep just kinda hanging over her head and making her grumpy.

Last thing I htink...as I understood it, it sounded like steph and her brother were not in first class by this quote...
I looked up to see a guy sitting in the front class white seats about my age smirking at me.
I don't know maybe he was sitting behind her I am just going crazy...but if her father is rich wouldn't she be in first class...?

Oh last thing...promise...I love this sequence and how steph just blow the guy off
"You look familiar," he said.

"So I've been told,"
Her attitude is a great help...and I made a connection to the magazine she had just been looking at...I like how you put that together...especially her response to him.

I really enjoyed reading and reviewing...hope I am not being to mean...I would love to read more.
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadaquate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that scares us.



Be the annoying goose you want to see in the world.
— Welcome to Night Vale