Country Girl chapter two

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I usually try to get to church on Sundays, let the big guy know I’m still on his side. But today I just couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed. After making love last night, Suzie and I had fallen asleep still holding each other. The heat and the softness of Suzie’s skin against mine kept me firmly routed to the bed whilst she lay half on, half off me. Even though it was coming up to ten o’clock, I decided that, courtesy of the gentle push of her breasts against my chest and the feel of her breath on my neck, I could afford another few minutes. Peering through the small gap between the curtains, I could see a few drops of rain pirouetting down the window; the pitter-patter on the window ledge added to the feeling of tranquility of lying in next to the woman I was sure I’d fallen in love with after just one night.
Eventually though, at about a quarter past ten, I decided that I had to go to the toilet. I removed her arm from across my abdomen and swung my legs off the bed and made my way towards the bathroom. After finishing, I made my way to the kitchen and made two cups of coffee. When I got back to the bedroom, Suzie was awake. She was lying on her back. I could make out the shape of her body through the thin sheet she’d wriggled beneath; her long, smooth legs, her slim waist and slender swell of her hips, and the ample rise of her breasts.
‘Morning,’ she smiled at me.
‘Good morning.’
‘I don’t think we’re gonna make it to church.’
‘I’m sure we can get away with missing one week.’
‘Mmm. Besides, I’m far too comfy here,’ she said, smoothing the sheet against her velvety skin. Her protruding nipples told me she was aching for a repeat of last night. She held out her hand.
‘Gimme. I need to wake up.’
I walked to her side of the bed and set one cup down before making my way back to my side and slipping back beneath the covers. No sooner had my body hit the mattress and Suzie was on top of me, her bare skin once more pressed firmly against mine.
‘What we gonna do t’day?’ She asked.
‘I don’t know. What ever you fancy.’
‘Well, I ain’t never been to the Country Music Hall of Fame before.’
‘Where’s that?’
‘Down on 5th Avenue South.’
‘Sounds good to me. You’ve really never been there?’
‘Nope. Been here my whole life an’ never been there. Never had the money to be honest. I can afford it now though.’
‘Well it’s a shame that I’m buying then.’
‘I can pay.’
‘Don’t be daft, my treat.’
She smiled and kissed me. ‘You’re a dall.’ Then she rolled off me, downed her coffee and swung her legs off the bed.
‘Where you going?’ I asked.
‘To pee and shower.’
‘You need any company.’
She feigned a frown. ‘To pee?’
I chuckled, she laughed. ‘If you join me we won’t never get there, will we?’
‘I guess not.’
As she walked towards the bathroom door, I gazed at her firm buttocks as the gently wiggled beneath her smooth back. Then the door shut. I lay back on the bed sipping my coffee. For a moment I wondered how on earth she’d managed to drink hers so quick. But remembering the way she was swilling back the whiskey last night, I’m surprised she has any feeling in her gullet at all. I chuckled. When I heard the shower kick into life I picked up the telephone and called down to room service.

At half past two we left the museum. In the gift shop I bought Suzie a new Stetson and a compilation CD containing most of her favorites, including: Ronnie Milsap’s “Smokey Mountain Rain”, Johnny Cash “I Walk the Line”, Alabama’s “Tennessee River”, Steve Earle’s “Someday”, Garth Brooks “Aint Going Down Till the Sun Comes Up”, and Keith Urban’s “Where the Blacktop Ends”.
‘That was awesome!’ Suzie said as we walked hand in hand out of the main entrance. ‘Thanks’ for the prezzies.’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘I coulda got them myself though.’
“I know. But I wanted to treat you.’
She leant against me, her head resting on my shoulder.
‘We should get some lunch,’ Suzie suggested.
‘Good idea, I’m starving. Any suggestions?’
‘We could keep with the music theme and go to Hard Rock café.’
‘Do they do food?’
‘Sure do. They don’t do nothing big, but we can get a proper meal tonight, right?’
‘Sure can ma’am,’ I said in my best southern accent.
‘Idiot,’ she laughed and nudged me playfully.
As we wandered back up towards Broadway, Suzie put her arm around my waist.
‘Why are you being so good to me?’ She asked.
‘What do you mean? Because I like you…a lot.’
‘But you only just met me last night.’
‘So.’
‘So…I don’t know. I ain’t never fallen for someone so quickly before.’
‘You’ve fallen for me?’
‘Well, yeah. I wouldn’t have told you ‘bout my folks if not. And you’re the first guy I’ve been with since…you know.’
I pulled her close. ‘Would it be weird if I said that I was falling in love with you?’ I felt her shaking her head against my shoulder.
‘So what happens now?’ She asked. ‘If we both feel like this? You ain’t gonna be here forever, right?’
‘Why not? It’s not like I have a job to go back to. I’m a writer. I can go where I want and write where I want; all I need is my laptop, the internet, and a phone.’
‘Mmm, go where you want. That sounds good.’
‘Yeah. Well, why don’t we?’
‘Seriously?’
‘Why not?’
‘I’ve never even been outside Nashville in my life.’
‘There’s a first time for everything.’
‘I guess. Oooh exciting! When we gonna go?’
‘We should work out where to go first.’
‘Franklin. I always wanted to try’n rodeo.’
‘You want to rodeo?’
‘Yeah. It’ll be so fun. We have t’do it.’
‘I…ok, sure. Franklin it is.’
‘Yay!’ She flung both arms around me as we turned the corner on to Broadway.

After we ate, we headed on over to Johnny’s so Suzie could break the news. He seemed to take it quite well. She explained that it was a spur of the moment decision, and that she felt it was time for her to move on, away from Nashville. He said he understood.
‘You know you’ll always have a job here Sue.’
‘I know, thanks Johnny.’
He gave her a solemn grin. ‘How ‘bout a coupla drinks before you go?’
‘Sure, we ain’t going ‘til tomorrow anyhow.’
We sat down at the same table as last night. Johnny joined us. He brought three glasses and a bottle of Jack.
‘Oh, I think I’ll just stick to the beer,’ I said.
‘Like hell,’ Johnny smirked. ‘You ain’t leaving with my gal ‘til you at least have a coupla glasses.’
‘Well, alright. What’s the worse that can happen?’ I said as Johnny poured the whiskey. We each picked up a glass and clinked them together.
‘To Suzie and Eddie and their big adventure,’ Johnny said, and we all drank.

The next morning I woke up with the biggest hangover of my life. After taking a few minutes to gather myself, I heard the shower running. I left the bed, each footstep was like a needle to my temple, and made my way to the bathroom. I pushed open the door.
‘Morning,’ I said to the blurred figure behind the glass shower door.
‘Hey. How’s the head?’
‘Oh, fantastic.’
She giggled. ‘Why don’t you come and join me. I’m sure I can make you feel better.’
I didn’t doubt her for a second. I removed my boxers and pulled back the door. The sight of Suzie’s naked body, glistening beneath the warm spray, made feel a little better already. I put my hands on her hips and pulled her against me. We kissed for a long time as the water caressed our bodies. Squeezing shower gel onto her hands, Suzie began to gently rub me down; cleansing my body, sticky with sweat from last night’s drinking session. When she finished, I eased her down into the tub. We made love until the water ran luke-warm.
‘I guess that’s our cue to get some breakfast,’ I whispered in her ear and softly kissed her neck.
‘I s’pose.’
‘Room service?’
‘How ‘bout Dunkin’ Donuts?’
‘Seriously?’
‘Yeah, you haven’t been yet, and you wouldn’t let me go yesterday. Besides, you gotta at least try it once.’
‘Alright,’ I said, giving in. I kissed her mouth once more before getting to my feet and helping Suzie up.

After we got dressed we headed out of the hotel and got a taxi to Murfreesboro Pike, a long way to go for breakfast, but worth it to see Suzie smile. The donuts were surprisingly pleasant. I don’t usually eat that kind of junk, but I guess it makes a nice change every once in a while. After breakfast we headed back to the hotel to finish packing.
‘You best take good care of my Suzie,’ Johnny said, his arm secured firmly around my shoulders. ‘She’s a special young lady.’
‘She the best. Of course I’ll take care of her.’
‘Good lad. Here, got you something.’ Johnny handed me a bottle of Jack Daniels. I chuckled and told him I probably wouldn’t be able to so much as sniff any more whiskey for as long as I live.
We piled our luggage into my car and, after sharing our goodbyes with Johnny, of which Suzie’s was extremely tearful, we set off.
‘Franklin here we come!’ Suzie hollered after drying her eyes.
‘Yee haw!’ I rather lamely added, at least it made Suzie laugh.
‘So,’ I asked after she’d composed herself. ‘Do you know which way we’re going?’




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I must say you have a great style of writing.The first stanza was enough to convince anyone that you were writing with great subtlety.The story was also really simple......with no "plot" as such.The characters were developed really well and the chemistry between them was fantastic.

Nice and simple work.Keep it up!
Too bad we don't live to experinece death




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I've read the first chapter already, that's how much I like this story. I was actually waiting for a second chapter to come up so I could see what happens next!
I really like this story, and like the person above me said, it really is very simple. Not that that's a bad thing. In fact that's an incredibly awesome thing. Not many people have the guts or the talent to write anything simple any more.
Nice work, keep on writing.
(By the way, I was born and raised right here in Texas. I like how you gave her an accent! Even if she's not from over here, it's still cool to have her speech match the region she's from!)

bElL3
Are you a Badfish, too?




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Thanks guys, that means a lot.

I'm glad i got her accent right! :D

I havn't started the next chapter yet, but i'll try to get it done as soon as possible.




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Hey, teammate :D. I'm here with a quick nit-pick that I found while reading this piece and some of your prior ones.

You have a bit of an issue with dialogue, and by a little, I mean a huge problem! Not saying your dialogue is static or anything, cause its pretty brilliant, just you have no 'He said' 'She muttered to herself as she walked out the door' mumbo jumbo. If feels very indescriptive which makes this feel more like a screen play then an actual piece of solid literature.

Because with a screen play, they have paragraphs filled with description, instruction, and then they have the dialogue. That's something in which I get a feel about with your more novelistic stories such as this one.

You have some talent there though and I'm sure, if you don't think novelling it up is right for you, screenplays and such things would be quite a good option since you have a very freebased and realistic dialogue for it does often sound as someone would talk.

Just a though though. I may come back and give you a full critique when I'm on my actual laptop but for now this is the best I can do with the limited time I have.

Hopefully it helped!
~The.Dreamwalker

P.S. I know, a lot of the time writing out those 'he said' yada yada can become really repetitive but trust me, it all works out twice as beautifully in the end and I guarentee this piece will be taken more seriously if the right dialogue scripting is used.
Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads, that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth filled with river water. The heart is monologuing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning. - R.S



[as a roleplayer is feeling sad about torturing her characters] GrandWild: "You're a writer, dear. Embrace it."
— GrandWild