AN ULTRA SUPER DAY

[i]It’s big but worth reading for people who could do with some smirks and also for those who couldn’t![/i]

The day started like any other with the sun rising in the east and settling in the beautiful sky (yes, the setting of this story is on good old Earth). I too was feeling exactly normal and was working hard on an arithmetic problem (which didn’t make any sense to me) at school. My mind frequently drifted away to my day dreamlands and the problem remained unsolved.

Sitting by the window, I looked outside and spotted a feline with fur whiter than the whitest snow sitting on the topmost branch of a nearby tree. It was stuck there and was mewing hard for help. But there was something fishy about the cat. It was not a very catlike cat, and I, being an owner of fifteen cats knew it best. And strangely enough, it didn’t even look like it needed help.

All of a sudden, up in the sky, I noticed a something strange flying with greet speed. It was heading towards the tree. What was it? An eagle? A rocket? A flying robot? Superman?-No, it was…a queer guy dressed in a baby pink superhero costume and a glittering shocking pink cape which darted shafts of light in the broad daylight (yes, it did give me a terrible eyesore.)

The guy bore a very heroic grin, which was rather silly. Then flying to the topmost branch, where the puss was stuck, he said in a heavy and supposed to be heroic voice , “No need to fear little kitty, UltraGuy is here!” Then he did some of the heroic moves (which looked more like ballet) and neared the cat.

As soon as UltraGuy touched the cat, something ultra strange happened. The cat started twitching awkwardly and was slowly transforming into something. After a couple of seconds, instead of the cat there stood on the branch a wicked looking creature with electric blue grizzly hair all over. Then opening a very purple mouth it said, “Finally, UltraGuy I’ve trapped you and now there’s no one to stop me from killing you!! Then I’ll be free to take over the Earth and finally I shall rule the entire universe. Ha...Ha...Ha…,”it said (and laughed) slowly to bring out a wicked effect like other super-villains. (I must say he sounded much better than UltraGuy!)

Watching all this from the window was thrilling. But then, this was happening for real…it was not some T.V. show in which I could enjoy watching the hero stop the villain from taking over the universe and save the day. Here, we –the beings of the universe were in the hands of some sissy guy who looked very dumb. He surely could not slay the evil creature…I couldn’t just sit there and watch.

Suddenly, the heroic side in me woke up! But a superhero can’t be a superhero unless she has super stuff to provide her with superpowers! Frantically I began searching for something ‘super’ in my bag. Yes! I found something- a turquoise blue ring. It had a cat’s paw carved out of a gem embedded on it. Quickly I slipped it in my finger and something ultra superb happened. (You’ve got it…) I got super powers of a super cat and got transformed into a super hero with a cat costume (not in shocking pink fortunately) which had cute ears and a very cute tail.

Meanwhile the creature was pointing a strange gun to UltraGuy and said, “This is the world’s strongest weapon and with this I shall turn you into a grey pumpkin with flapping grey elephant ears.” (Cute?)
UltraGuy broke down unexpectedly and kneeling in front of the creature sobbed, “Please...anything but not a grey pumpkin…turn me into a pink one or maybe even a orange…but please not grey, I can’t stand that colour…boo hoo hoo .”

I could feel the super powers burning in me and I knew I had to save the universe and in the process UltraGuy too. I jumped off the window and to my surprise (and not yours) I could fly! Meow! I flew to the tree where UltraGuy was being threatened by the evil creature.

“Not so fast, Mr. blue evil hairy…what ever!” I said (I bet I sounded really heroic.) the blue creature looked bewildered and was gaping at my tail which was swaying in excitement. I took this opportunity to push him off the tree branch. To my relief (and yours, if you’re on my side) he couldn’t fly and wasn’t smart enough to turn himself into a flying pumpkin with his weapon. I flew down and after a short session of ‘pows’ and ‘whams’ with the aid of my trusty paws, claws and tail I defeated the creature. (I’m sure that you are smart enough to figure out that the weapon had broken after the fall.) Now UltraGuy flew down beside me and thanked me (you guessed it-in a sickening heroic manner) and flew off…

In the sky, figure of UltraGuy was slowly fading away and was turning into the figure ‘9’… I woke with a start. I had dozed of in the mathematics class on my math notebook (luckily, I didn’t drool on it) and my friend (and luckily not my math teacher) woke me up. It was all a dream, I thought. Confuzzled, I looked outside the window and spotted a feline with fur whiter than the whitest snow sitting on the topmost branch of a nearby tree. It was stuck there and was mewing hard for help.

Then I noticed something on my finger-a turquoise blue ring with a cat’s paw carved out of a gem embedded on it. I felt a strange powerful sensation building inside me…I realized that I was changing…

Ok. Rrright.. Please excuse my picky but poor critiqueing skills! As you requested, here I am, glad to help.

The day started like any other with the sun rising in the east and settling in the beautiful sky (yes, the setting of this story is on good old Earth). I too was feeling exactly normal and was working hard on an arithmetic problem (which didn’t make any sense to me) at school. My mind frequently drifted away to my day dreamlands and the problem remained unsolved.

Ok. When you start a paragraph, you use the tab key to make an indent. Try it? It's pretty pointless in my opinion, but thats just how things go. Also, the part about dear old earth is a little unecesary. Show us were on earth, don't just say it. Also, parenthasies are a little distracting, but in the part about the math problem, it works really, really well. Great job, there.

Sitting by the window, I looked outside and spotted a feline with fur whiter than the whitest snow sitting on the topmost branch of a nearby tree. It was stuck there and was mewing hard for help.

Mewing hard sounds weird to me. How about pitifully(sp?)? Also, great discription, just take out the whitest, and make it

Sitting by the window, I looked outside and spotted a feline with fur whiter than snow sitting on the topmost branch of a nearby tree. It was stuck there and was mewing pitifully for help.

But there was something fishy about the cat. It was not a very catlike cat, and I, being an owner of fifteen cats knew it best. And strangely enough, it didn’t even look like it needed help.

ACK!! You're saying the word cat far to much for a paragraph. Please, please, please try a thesorous or somthing. Off the top of my head.. Feline? Ooh, that would sound cool after fifteen. Or you could say fifteen induvidual felines, if you get really bored, lol.

No, it was…a queer guy dressed in a baby pink superhero costume and a glittering shocking pink cape which darted shafts of light in the broad daylight (yes, it did give me a terrible eyesore.)

Please use either glittering or shocking. Both sounds really crammed.
You are also missing an "in" right after cape, so it would be "in which darted"
Also, broad daylight is generally not used in that context. It means entirely day, no night. For example; "There, in broad daylight, Alice was changing into her alternate form, the were-chicken!" Maybe you meant bright though.

The guy bore a very heroic grin, which was rather silly. Then flying to the topmost branch, where the puss was stuck, he said in a heavy and supposed to be heroic voice , “No need to fear little kitty, UltraGuy is here!” Then he did some of the heroic moves (which looked more like ballet) and neared the cat.

Stop repeating yourself, Sohini!

As soon as UltraGuy touched the cat, something ultra strange happened. The cat started twitching awkwardly and was slowly transforming into something.

I think this one needs to be re-done. I'm really sorry to sound mean, but it just sounds desperate. Also, you seem to change tenses in the second sentance.

Here's my try. I don't think its that good, but hey.. Your story, lol.

The moment UltraGuy toutched the cat, somthing very strabnge began to happen. The cat twitched awkwardly, and slowly began to transform into a new, and unrecogniseable form.

Then opening a very purple mouth it said...

Cute! Nice discription, very funny, just maybe consider:
It opened its very purple moulth and said...

it said (and laughed) slowly to bring out a wicked effect like other super-villains. (I must say he sounded much better than UltraGuy!)

These parenthacies can be lost with out changing the feel of your story at all, so concider dropping them? On the first one you could put: it said, laughing slowly to bring out a wicked effect....

I like it alot, though. This is very funny. You make a good comic author.

But then, this was happening for real…it was not some T.V. show in which I could....

Hem hem.. Capitalize the It after the ...'s please.

Suddenly, the heroic side in me woke up! But a superhero can’t be a superhero unless she has super stuff to provide her with superpowers!

This repition isn't helping. It detracts a little to keep repeating yourself.

Frantically I began searching for something ‘super’ in my bag.

Love this. Love the ' ''s

Oops, I have to go. It is extremely windy here, and the power is flickering like mad. It will go out for good soon, and I'm afraid the computor will shut off and I'll lose this all. But if its back on tomarro, I'll finish this up. And I really like it by the way. Flicker... Got to go!

I hope you are safe and perfectly alright after the storm (owing to the fact that UltraGuys and superheroes like me who save the day don’t really exist) OR maybe they DO! I wouldn’t like to give away my true identity if I were a superhero (get some hints??!!)
I really like the way you critique. It’s not poor at all-u should read some of my criqued works and they’ll define ‘poor critiquing skills.’ Thanks a million for putting in so much effort and thanks a trillion for the compliments. I will change some parts, specially the repetitions and the capitalizations I missed.
I aimed the earth part in the 1st para to be answers for mad readers (like me) who would read the previous lines and then thinking themselves to be really brainy and end up commenting, “supposing the setting of the story to be a faraway planet where the moon rises in the south to begin a day, the day you are experiencing in the story isn’t normal.” Or maybe I am thinking too far fetched.
The paragraphs…I was getting really bored at always indenting them as the rules say and I surely couldn’t risk breaking rules at school. So I thought of venturing to write in this format in yws. But I think the format I’ve used is also quite prevalent and acceptable nowadays, I’m not entirely sure though.
For the mew I didn’t use ‘pitifully’ cuz the kitty didn’t sound like it really needed help…If ‘hard’ sounds odd to u I’ll think up of a better adverb.
Should it be ‘…shocking pink cape in which darted shafts of light in the broad daylight…’ or ‘…shocking pink cape from which darted shafts of light in the broad daylight…’I think the latter one suits better. Please help-I am a bit weak in preps.
"There, in broad daylight, Alice was changing into her alternate form, the were-chicken!" this is absolutely excellent for starting a great story. Try it Jen,-or have you already written one? I’d like to read! I did mean bright –I’ll change it.
Acts are curious and so I’m curious to know what exactly the cute ‘calcifire’ in your avatar is. Is it a cartoon character- I mistook it for some Pokemon at first!!(It isn’t one, is it?)u changed it??is this your drawing!!!the previous was better.
“Hem hem”???-are you a Professor Umbridge fan??!!
Thanx once again!!