Grave New World.

There are purple blossoms,
like great bunches of grapes
being fed to a man of some importance
from the hand of a slave.
An odor too sweet mortifies the nose,
and sickens the belly,
as a hot despondency plays on the skin.
And I touch the tangles and creases
and bits that don't lie right,
under the singular surveillance
of lingering bees.
Oh grave new world,
that has such things in it.

There are purple blossoms,
like great bunches of grapes

Cool image!

The last line doesn't really make sense to me

Oh grave new world,
that has such things in it.

.....That has such things in it, in what?

Honestly I don't know what to make of this poem. I don't really get the purpose or the message it is sending.
Maybe add another short verse to make yourself more clearer?

Wow, Nixon.

This is a really odd poem. I'm not sure quite what to say.

Forgive me for asking, but what's it about? I don't understand it. It's definitely intriguing, though.

The rhythm is a bit odd, but I don't see much wrong with it, seeing as it's free verse.

. . . yeah, that wasn't much of a review. But again, I just don't understand it to well. ^^

Hullo,
I'm glad I came across this.

Should it not be:

"There are great bunches of grapes,
like purple blossoms,
being fed to a man of some importance"

I think the personal pronoun in the eight line is not only unnecessary, but bulbous.
“And I touch the tangles and creases
And the bits that don’t lie right…”

Such as:
“There touch, sore tangles and creases,
and the bits that don’t lie right
under the..."

Not seriously throwing out an example, just trying to illustrate the idea.

I thought the title was amusing, although it almost cancels out itself.

-M.

I really, really like this piece.

Despite what M. says, I do believe you are actually talking about flowers and not grapes; the first four lines are simply a long metaphor. If not... I still choose to interpret it that way!!

I also like lines eight and nine; in fact, I would say they are easily my favorite. (My, aren't my sister and I different? )



Reading poetry like this gives me the childish urge to shout, "oh, goody!"
No lie.

This particular piece was fantastic- the bittersweet enjoyment of experience intermingled with sour disappointment at the meaninglessness of it all. Or at least, that is what it invoked for me.

Your style is also phenomenal- short, descriptive, experimental, fearless.
It engages every one of my senses then leaves them tingling and wanting more.

The only line I would change is l5:
"A too sweet odor mortifies the nose"

Keep your subject-verb relationship clear.

Awesome stuff.

BABS

I like the thoughts it gives off... Injustice. unfairness. self-rightousness from the man of some impotance(who apparentlly is so sick that he can't even feed himself......poor soul )
Some of it is kind of unclear to me though. She is in a garden but i can't get the thought of a fat rich guy on a lawn chair in the middle of it. Also the character seems kind of bitter, which might as well be a good thing.

I don't know much about poetry but seems to be missing something.

ps.. Have you watched Quiet Man yet?