Violent father and mother

"What do you think you are doing
"I'm leaving, i cant stand you and Dad fighting its all you ever do and you never care about me" I shrieked back
"don't you dare talk to me like that" she shouted back
"When are you gong to tell dad about your affair with that man or are you going to lie to him about that as well"
You shut your mouth right this instance otherwise you'll be sorry"
"I'm going to tell Dad right now i don't are what you do to me"
as i turned to walk a way grab me by my hand and slapped me across the face, as i fell to the ground i sobbed into my jumper.
"I'm so sorry please don't tell your dad you now he will kill me hes violent"
"And your not violent you and Dad are as bad as each other"
With that i ran to my room an sobbed until i feel asleep.

THIS IS MY FIRST CHAPTER PLEASE LEAVE A QOUTE THANXS

This is too short to be properly reviewed, but I can point out the errors. I'll put my corrections in bold and my suggestions/comments in brackets.
"What do you think you are doing?" (Don't forget the quotation marks and punctuation after text)
"I'm leaving, I can't stand you and Dad fighting - it's all you ever do - you don't ('don't' sounds better than 'never') care about me!" I shrieked. (the 'back' isn't necesary).
"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" she shouted back.
"When are you gong to tell dad about your affair with that man? Or are you going to lie to him about that as well?"
"You shut your mouth right this instance otherwise you'll be sorry," she snarled. (try to describe how people sound etc...)
"I'm going to tell Dad right now - I don't are (you probably mean 'care.') what you do to me!"
As I turned to walk away my mother grabbed (it's past tense) me by my hand and slapped me across the face. As I fell to the ground I sobbed into my jumper.
"I'm so sorry," mum cried suddenly. "Please don't tell your dad - you know he'll (it flows better than 'he will') kill me - he's violent!"
"And you're not violent?" I asked, tears running freely down my cheeks. (it's good to add descriptions) "You and Dad are as bad as each other!"
With that I ran to my room and sobbed until I feel asleep.

Overall: as I said before, this text is too short to review. I think to improve it add the corrections and remember to use descriptions and emotions. Carry on with this story - it's got potential and could be very interesting.
Hope I helped!

Hey there!

Hmm, this is a little short for a first chapter. First chapters are not only used to hook the reader, but also to give an idea of the character's personality and background, and also to hint at what is in store later on.

This is also sorely lacking punctuation. Punctuation is vital, it not only causes breaks in the text, but also helps express emotion. An exclamation mark for surprise or excitement. A question mark for (surprise, surprise) a question.

Not only is punctuation missing, but description too!!!! All we seem to have here is just dialogue. Which is great, but without any descriptions the reader cannot imagine the situation nor really relate to the MC! How was she feeling when that happened? What were her thoughts? Did she whisper that or scream it? Was he heaving for breath as he uttered that, so angry he cannot breathe properly?

Setting. Okay. Where the hell is this taking place?? I know she ends up in her room at the end of this, so I'm assuming this is somewhere in their house. Also, where is the dad at this point in time? Gone to the shops? And I assume she is arguing with her mother? There is no mention of who this person is, but I guess that is the mother.

Right then:

"What do you think you are doing

This is a question. Where is the question mark at the end? An where are the closing speech marks?
: "What do you think you are doing?"

"I'm leaving, i cant stand you and Dad fighting its all you ever do and you never care about me" I shrieked back

Capitalise the "i"s
Personally, I think "I'm leaving" would sound better if it was an exclamation.
: "I'm leaving! I can't stand you and Dad fighting! It's all you ever do and you never care about me!" I shrieked back.

"don't you dare talk to me like that" she shouted back

Capitalise the "d" on "don't"
I shrieked back, she shouted back... Try using something different. All we have is "back"
I don't think we need the "back" as we get that she's replying to it.
: "Don't you dare talk to me like that!" she hissed.

"When are you gong to tell dad about your affair with that man or are you going to lie to him about that as well"

A run-on sentence.
: "When are you going to tell Dad about your affair with that man? Or are you going to lie to him about that as well?"
These are questions so end with question marks.

You shut your mouth right this instance otherwise you'll be sorry"

There is no opening speech mark.
: "You shut your mouth right this instance or you'll be sorry."

"I'm going to tell Dad right now i don't are what you do to me"

Needs to have a 'joining word' I've forgotten what they're called...
I assume you mean "care" rather than "are"
A typo, I'm sure
: "I'm going to tell Dad right now and I don't care what you do to me."

as i turned to walk a way grab me by my hand and slapped me across the face, as i fell to the ground i sobbed into my jumper.

Capitalise the "a" on "as"
"a way" should be "away"
Urm, does something come before "grab me"
The comma should be a full-stop.
: As I turned to walk away, Mum grabbed me by my hand and slapped me across the face. The blow sent a sharp pain through me and caused me to fall to the ground. On the floor, I sobbed into my jumper.
Explain how the slap felt. It must have been a little painful. I don't think she'd have time to sob while she was falling. She would probably be too surprised then.

"I'm so sorry please don't tell your dad you now he will kill me hes violent"

This the mum? Compared to what I've heard so far it sounds a little too pleading. Perhaps she should threaten the girl instead? "If you tell him then you'll be sorry, you miserable little brat! If he so much as lays a hand on me then I'll will do worse to you, and you know how violent he is." <- bad example, but you get the idea.
: "I'm so sorry! Please don't tell your dad! You know he will kill me! He's violent."

"And your not violent you and Dad are as bad as each other"

Guessing she's being sarcastic.
: "And you're not violent?" I scoffed. "You and Dad are as bad as each other!"

With that i ran to my room an sobbed until i feel asleep.

Capitalise the "i"
"an" is "and"
"feel" is "fell"
: With that I ran to my room and sobbed until I fell asleep.

Mmm. This is very short. Bulk it up wth descriptions and stuff. Her thoughts and feelings, her surroundings. Maybe even chuck in a few memories there.
It was okay stuff. You just need to improve a little with punctuation and description. the dialogue, on the other hand, was great Through that I got a good idea of your three characters. Just take on board other people's advice and you'll be soaring. I hope I wasn't too harsh... :S because I would love to read more of your stuff. Lilicia was right, it has potential to be very interesting.
You're new. WELCOME!! We always make loooads of mistakes when we're new - it's expected, so don't be disheartened if it's not 100%
Please, PM me when you write more.

~EmmaJane~

Hey there!
The idea of this story sounds really interesting, but such stories aren't enjoyable to read unless you really get the reader emotionally involved. In my limited experience.

This was very short, and it was pretty much all dialogue, which doesn't make for a good read. You should add lots more action and a tad of description. There were also a few mistakes, but they've already been spotted. ^^

Keep writing!

Thanxs 4 everybodys reviews i kinda knew that i wouldnt really get good coments back as this is m first story that i have submitted but thanxs