Wolf Moon-Chapter 3: The Birth; 19 years ago

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Chapter 3: The Birth; 19 years ago

A cry ran from the birthing room from the lungs of a strong baby girl that had unfortunately been brought to life under the Evil moon, the Dark Moon, the Wolf Moon and she was cursed with features that frightened even her parents. The baby’s eyes were brightest amber and a patch of fuzz on her head suggested raven black hair and her skin was pale, fair as moonlight, never to tan or burn.

The mother pushed the crying baby away from her, screeching about the monstrosity that had been brought into the world by her. She blamed her husband who in turn blamed his wife. But they did agree on something, the baby had to be destroyed.

A boy with dark brown hair and eyes looked around the door. He watched in curiosity as the adults
bickered and watched as his mother, the midwife, held the crying child. The baby cried on the top of her lungs, wanting food. She writhed in the fine blanket that the count and countess had made for their newly born child. The two year old blocked out the yells of the adults and looked at the girl.
He was transfixed. He marveled at the strength she showed against his mother, who was holding the babe tightly. He stared at the amber eyes when she looked at him.

“Kill it.” Those two words pulled Trygg away from his gazing. He moved his eyes over to the count and countess.

“Kill it,” the weary countess repeated. “I don’t want that thing to disgrace my home.” Trygg’s mother, acting as though she was mute nodded, curtsied and walked past her son out of the Deolon’s home. Trygg followed his mother, not wanting to listen to the count and countess argue again.

They walked in silence, walking further and further away from civilization. Trygg said nothing until he saw the river. His eye grew wide and he ran to his mother’s side.

“You can’t kill it!” he shouted, pulling on the skirts. “It didn’t do anything wrong. You just can’t kill it!”
His mother sighed. “What do you suppose I do with her?” she asked her son. “If I do not destroy her, she will die anyway from hunger or freezing to death or being eaten.”

“Keep her Mama,” Trygg said softly. “I’ll help take care of her I promise.” His mother looked at her son, sighed and removed a breast from her corset.

The baby sucked greedily, happy to have some food.

“What will you name her?” Trygg looked curiously at his mother, confused by her question. “You can't just call her girl, what will you call her?”

Trygg thought and looked at the baby as she yawned, letting go of his mother’s breast.

“Esarosa,” he said finally. He watched the baby as his mother paled. “She’s like a flower,” Trygg continued, “like a rose.” The baby yawned again. “She likes it!” he smiled wide as his mother continued to pale.

He thinks the name means, “that rose” his mother thought, but it means something completely different. Esarosa, “white wolf”.

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Sorry this took so long, i had to rewrite everything because someone stole my files ><. Hope you enjoyed chapter 3 and I will have Chapter 4 up soon^^
Last edited by Lady of Fire on Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:53 pm, edited 4 times in total.
When searching for something secret, look under every rock.

When hiding something secret, take notice to every shadow.

-Me




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A cry ran from the birthing room from the lungs of a strong baby girl that had unfortunately been brought to life under the Evil moon, the Dark Moon, the Wolf Moon and she was cursed with features that frightened even her parents.


Very long first sentence. I’d break it up so there isn’t so much to take in all at once. And all that blurb about which moon/Moon feels awkward.


He was transfixed. He marvelled at the strength she should against his mother, who was holding the babe tightly.


Missing word? Doesn’t make much sense.


His mother looked at her son, sighed and removed a breast from her corset.


O_O Um. Ew. I don’t think I’ll share the mental image that this gave me. Perhaps, um, have it something like, “His mother looked at him, sighed, and loosened the bodice of her dress. The baby sucked at her breast greedily.”


Trygg looked curiously at his mother. “You cant just call her girl, what will you call her?”


Typo: cant = can’t


“What will you name her?” Trygg looked curiously at his mother. “You cant just call her girl, what will you call her?”

Trygg thought and looked at the baby as she yawned, letting go of his mother’s breast.

“Esarosa,” he said finally.


This doesn’t seem connected very well. Trygg asks his mother what she’s going to call the baby then answers his own question as though she’s asked him.


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Lol, all the ads on this page are to do with mothercare and babies. ^^ Apart from being rather cliched, this was good! Well written, though it could have been more descriptive.

PM me if you have any questions!
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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Where's chapter 4? Just kidding. Your writing has stayed pretty consistent through your four posts on this story. Some people write an awe inspiring first chapter then peter out a bit as time moves on, I know I have every once and a while.

~Dakota

P.S. Sorry about someone stealing your files, that must suck. I know what it feels like to have to rewrite... not fun.
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

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yeh!! good.. good..
nice...
looking forward to the next




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...cute story...
i want it!




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Hi,
I really enjoyed reading all of the chapters in of your story so far. They're really good, and kept me engrossed till the end( I can't wait for more) So pm when you put more up!
Eagerly waiting
~Zanna

P.S. Just curious, what gave you the idea for this story?




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Hi all! I am happy say that I am back and I apologize for being away for forever. I am rewriting this, due to the fact my writing has gotten stronger thanks to college (the only good thing that has come out of it thus far. I will be rewriting first before I update but I would like to thank all reviewers.
When searching for something secret, look under every rock.

When hiding something secret, take notice to every shadow.

-Me



Everything has to be taken on trust; truth is only that which is taken to be true. It's the currency of living. There may be nothing behind it, but it doesn't make any difference so long as it is honoured. One acts on assumptions. What do you assume?
— Player (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)