Chapter 2, Lucy's side of the story

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The usually calm Nebraskan night was broken by the distant rumble of the loud rock band that was playing a few miles up the road in downtown West Point, Nebraska. Lucy Hamilton sat on her farmhouse’s deck in her grandmother’s rocking chair watching as the moonlight turned the empty fields in front of her into marble carvings. The lightening bugs glowed like little candles getting suddenly snuffed out by invisible hands and the cicada bugs hummed almost louder than the bass that was pounding against her skull. She wished that the band up the road would just shut-up. The awful suicidal lyrics that that annoyingly cute lead singer screamed out into the crowd weren’t lightening her mood. She came out here to think not to listen to the thumping of a bass. All of my friends are at that concert, Lucy thought, almost in a jealous matter though she hated that kind of music. It was where the whole town was come to think of it! What were the chances of a rock band coming to West Point, Nebraska? Sure, George Strait had come to Freemont a few years back, but a group called Dead Matter? In West Point?! Rolling her eyes she thought of Kayla, her one good friend, screaming her head off when Kyle Stone looked in her direction and taking pictures of his every move. Lucy probably had about ten-thousand texts in her inbox right now. Even from the porch she could hear her phone vibrating like crazy.
But, unlike Kayla, Lucy had bigger things on her mind. Like the fact that Dad’s accident two months ago had rendered his legs useless and without treatment (treatment they couldn’t afford) he would never be able to walk again, much less work on the farm. For the last few weeks Lucy and her brother had been helping out around the farm as much as they could but Ethan would be going away to college on his scholarship in the fall. That was only a few months away! How would they keep the farm going with just herself, her crippled father, her five year old sister Emma, and her elderly grandfather? There definitely wouldn’t be any crops this year; that was for sure. They had been nothing but a hassle lately anyway… The cows would be their source of income now, and she, Lucy would be the one supporting the family.
Ugh Lucy thought and began to push all of those awful thoughts out of her head. Escaping into her happy place; soon responsibility and sickness were the buried in thoughts of Henry Genison… and that one time he had asked to borrow her pen in class a few weeks back. The thought of him looking at her, talking to her was more than she could manage without swooning. The conversation had gone something like this:

Henry: hey Luna
Lucy: Lucy
Henry: Lucy then,
Can I borrow a pen?
Lucy: s-sure

The most romantic moment of my life, She thought, her lovesick mind overriding the part that told her she was being silly. But those laughing blue eyes of his fixed on her own, and the smile that he had paid her with when she handed that 0.07 blue ink Bic pen to him were almost always in her dreams. She remembered that he was wearing blue jeans that accentuated some parts of his body that made her giggle and his old scuffed up cowboy boots that only he wore. He wasn’t the most handsome boy in the school but just the way he laughed and acted excited her. If only he would look in her direction she could-
“Luceeeee?” called her little sister from inside the house. “Can you tuck me in?” looking up at the constellations in the sky she sighed and went to Emma’s whiny voice, away from the rumbling bass. Something her mother had said a lot crept into her mind as she grabbed her sister’s hand and slowly went up the old creaky stairs: A woman’s work is never done.
I’m not a woman yet, mom Lucy thought to herself as she and her sister arrived in the bedroom they shared. I’m not ready to take care of a family, you’re supposed to take care of me…
“Why are you sad Lu?” the little voice caught her off guard. “You look like you’re going to cry!” exclaimed Emma, whimpering a bit herself.
“I was just thinking about Mommy, but I’m alright,” replied Lucy suddenly feeling very tired.
“Go to sleep now, it’s late Emma,” She said, pulling the patchwork quilt up to her sister’s chin and kissing her on her forehead. Then Lucy stumbled over clothes and books and baby toys, going back out the door to listen to what she was missing.
Last edited by moonlight123 on Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.
The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream.




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The pen part was awesome! By the way, if she's in a small town like I think she is, then why don't people do a fund-raiser? That's what they always did where I came from every time someone needed money and couldn't afford it. Now, I saw a few grammatical mistakes. When you don't add a 'said' and you just go "bla bla bla." Looking at the moon now seemed like a good reminder... and so on. Make sure you capitalize the L. So that's mostly it.
I loved it. I loved it even more than the beginning. They are totally right for each other! I can't wait for next chapter!!!!! I'm not giving up on my Travis plan until you show me otherwise *smirk* because I hold faith in him not being crazy. I honestly believe this is a very good, interesting story. You've done a wonderful job with this chapter! Keep it up!
ofir
"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow




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I can't wait to see how you get these two together...*smirks at thought*

Anywho, I enjoyed it very much just as with your last chapter I thought this one was also well written although I did notice a few grammar mistakes. Those are easy enough to catch, just take a fine-toothed comb to it and you'll be fine. :)

Here are a few other things I did catch for you however:

The lightening bugs glowed like little candles getting suddenly snuffed out by invisible hands and the cicada bugs hummed almost louder than the bass that was pounding against her skull.

I love this line, I can really hear it!

Like the fact that Dad’s accident two months ago had rendered his legs useless

I feel like you should go into more detail here, for example what kind of condition can you have that unless you get treatment you can no longer use your legs? These are the odd questions that roll through my mind. :roll:

Ugh Lucy thought and began to push all of those awful thoughts out of her head.

First, Ugh should be an italics, also I would reword this sentence, something about it bugs me, sorry! :?

That's all for the nit-picks!

I really love the part about him and the pen. Its perfect the way there's so much detail, and its the right kind of detail. Its exactly what a girl who has a major crush on a guy would gush over him in her mind. :P

That's sad about her family...she needs a little adventure...something Kyle could provide? While Kyle needs someone just good and pure? Would you look at that, they would go great together!

Haha, no really. Great job and I can't wait to find out what happens next. PM me when you post the next chapter? Please? :o

-Yours Truely, Mars
It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in the body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.-------Ian O'Shea



Maybe the real Mariah Carey was the friends we made along the way
— Ravena