Friends

My class had to do spoken word and this was the poem I did.

It's called Friends and I mean friends in general, best friends, true friends, or just friends.

Feel free to comment because I didn't know if it was good or not.

FRIENDS


Friends are usually kind
Even when your without them,
They come to mind
Friends are the ones you can depend on

Friends are always there for you,
They are the ones you can come to
Whether you are sad, mad, up or down
And it doesn't matter if you have a smile or frown

Friends can be found in many places
It's nice to have friends with familiar faces,
But don't limit yourself and open up to new races

Friends how many of us have them
Will your friends cry for you,
Are they ready to fight with or for you
Friends how many of us have them

Friends I'm willing to protect and respect
Friends I'm willing to cry and fight for
Are you? Friends.

Hi. This flows well and you handle the rhyme scheme well.

The first "your" should be "you're". If you're ever uncertain, stop and ask yourself if it would make more sense if you were to say "you are". If it does, you're looking for you're.

I like "Whether you are sad, mad, up or down".

Your point in the third stanza is interesting and fresh in that it's atypical of this sort of poem, but I'd look again at;
"open up to new races "
because it's preaching at the reader. Instead of making a command, I'd look at the benefits of being open minded to people from all sorts of backgrounds in your friendships, and how this is enriching.

I'd look at the punctuation throughout. Try reading this aloud-when you need to take a breath, or have come to the end of a thought, add a comma or full stop. If I were to punctuate this, I'd do something like this;

" Friends are usually kind.
Even when your without them,
They come to mind.
Friends are the ones you can depend on.

Friends are always there for you.
They are the ones you can come to
Whether you are sad, mad, up or down,
And it doesn't matter if you have a smile or frown.


Friends can be found in many places.
It's nice to have friends with familiar faces,
But don't limit yourself, and open up to new races.


Friends -how many of us have them?
Will your friends cry for you?
Are they ready to fight with or for you?
Friends= how many of us have them?

Friends- I'm willing to protect and respect (them)
Friends -I'm willing to cry and fight for (them)
Are you? Friends."

I'd also switch the order of "protect and respect", as I think it would be a more powerful statement that way.

I think it would be an interesting exercise to look at your own friends, and the specific things they do that make them good friends, and the little things that make you love them.

Hope this helps. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions.

Jas

Hi twilightgirl,

This doesn't say anything. Basically, what it does illustrate is that you have a bare, basic concept of what a friend is - something that the reader already expects from you. We don't want to be lectured on preschool definitions and thought processes. What the reader does want is to understand what this has to do with the "big picture", so to speak. How does it relate to us all? You certainly did take a step by talking about friendship in the general term but addressing conflict and a multi-dimensional scale to the myriad of emotions that we, humans, possess, would greatly enhance this poem. What doesn't a friend do? Can you compare a friend to something more tangible - a school of fish (which would perhaps be a bad example of a friend, as fish don't think and simply follow each other), a tree clinging on a windy ledge overlooking the frothing ocean, or the water particles themselves, each dancing to the tune of electric vibrations? The possibilities are endless, but you have to embrace them and work with them before you can accomplish anything.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

Hi twilight girl.
I just read your poem and i found it very interesting as it deals with an issue such as Friendship.
You basically handled the poem very well thanks to your rhyme and brevity.
The two previous reviewers have said a lot that bothers on the poem and they've actually done justice to it.
It is of uttermost important to read through the poem like twice before you post it as this will ensure that all mistakes are corrected.
Punctuation is also very important. When properly applied it brings out the meaning in the poem and makes it presentable. As such it's importance cannot be overemphasised.
I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep writing. Thanks.

Hi twilight girl.
I just read your poem and i found it very interesting as it deals with an issue such as Friendship.
You basically handled the poem very well thanks to your rhyme and brevity.
The two previous reviewers have said a lot that bothers on the poem and they've actually done justice to it.
It is of uttermost important to read through the poem like twice before you post it as this will ensure that all mistakes are corrected.
Punctuation is also very important. When properly applied it brings out the meaning in the poem and makes it presentable. As such it's importance cannot be overemphasised.
I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep writing. Thanks.

that poem was wonderful. you truly hit the depth of what a true friend is supposed to do. it really explains what you should be looking for and what other people should see in you and i really respect that. you are a great and in depth poet and i think your work is marvelous. i hope to see even more of this sort of material coming from you. you seem to have a lot of potential and you should keep persisting to move forward with it. if you do i can see you putting out very wonderful work in the future.