Three Things(5)

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*Candy's point of view*[quote]

Chapter 5—Garden Angel

I knew exactly when my life was over. My mind and spirit floated away, guided by nothing but instinct as it rose.

“Candy,” a voice called.

My eyes fluttered open and I was immediately dumped on the ground. I rubbed my sore butt. What a wonderful way to enter into the afterlife. On my ass. “What?!” I asked, annoyed.

Some blonde chick in a pink dress that even I had to admit was pretty cute stuck her hand out at me. I just stared at it and got up on my own.

She pulled it back, flustered. “I’m Theresa, your Garden Angel.”

If you’re an angel, where are your wings? Or did they forget to give you yours?” I snapped, intent on hurting her feelings.

“Angels don’t really have wings, dear. That’s just something that people have done to make angels look special. But I would like to talk about you right now. Walk with me.” She started off down a winding path, and I followed, although I was still unsure about who the fuck this chick was and where the hell she was taking me.

She broke the awkward silence first. “I assume you want to know where you are.”

“Yeah, that would be nice. Although I’m not sure why I’m not in hell right now. That seems like it would be the best place for someone like me.”

“Why do you think that?” Her voice was calming, and a wave of trust washed over me unexpectedly as she led me further down the path, and just like that, I was pouring my heart out to a woman that I barely knew.

“I-I killed somebody!” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to, but I killed him!”

“Sweetie, it’s okay,” she soothed.

“I killed somebody, and you’re saying it’s okay?! What kind of angel are you?” I screamed accusingly.

“You said you didn’t mean to, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then there’s someone I want you to meet.”

I frowned. I tell this strange angel chick that I killed somebody, and all she says is that she wants me to meet somebody. I may be new to this whole “dead” thing, but I wasn’t stupid. I know that murder is not only a capital crime, but also a sin. “So you’re not sending me to hell?”

She chuckled. “Not yet. And hopefully, if this goes well, not at all.”

I rolled my eyes and let her lead me into an orange grove, where a guy that probably would have been cute if he wasn’t wearing a green dress was sitting. I gasped and looked down at myself, realizing that I was wearing a purple dress that I had never even seen, never mind bought. I glanced at Theresa and realized her dress was very similar to mine, although hers was pink and had a strange shimmering pattern around the sleeves and hem.

“Sam,” she addressed him as one friend would greet another.

“Oh, there you are. I was wondering when you would come back. Who’s this?” He asked, referring to me.

“This is Candy Lissy. Candy, I’d like you to meet Sam Mathews.”
I smile, because I'd rather have laugh lines than a perma frown. :)




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Overall, I enjoyed this passage. Though I haven't read your previous chapters, the storyline seems interesting enough. I did find grammatical errors here and there; those, of course, can always be fixed.

You have a lot to go off of here -- the murder, Sam Mathews, Candy, heaven vs hell, etc. My only concern is you won't use everything you could to pull together a deep and rich piece of work.

I know when I read I want to develop a strong relationship with the characters, the plot, themes, everything!

Keep working hard and keep up the good work!




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I really like this part as the plot flows between the six parts very smoothly.
[quote]Sam Mathews.”/quote]
The Mathews is spelled Matthews in an earlier section, but that is a simple fix.
Is the green dress that Sam is wearing really a robe, or is it really a dress, is it a robe? Wouldn't she be able to tell the difference, if there is one?
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"
-mary anne radmacher



When a body moves, it's the most revealing thing. Dance for me a minute, and I'll tell you who you are.
— Mikhail Baryshnikov