It's Funny

Ok I so reviewed this before and it didn't post.

Anyway the only thing that I see that is wrong with this poem is the line that says, It's funny how life's moto is "take it or leave it", It ruins the rhyme, and the flow of it. Otherwise this is a really good poem.

This isn’t bad but I have to say, please don’t post whole works in bold print. It can be a distraction and an eyesore.

Normally, I despise repetition like this, but this rings much like the poem in “Ten Things I Hate About You” and the mention of that movie will make my heart sing. The idea is good but probably not the most original because that movie brought about a whole spawn of poems like this. However, you’ve made it unique in that you talk about things that are funny, rather then the things that you hate.

Not only that, but the addition of the word ‘someday’ at the end adds an almost mysterious feel to it.


Any questions, feel free to PM me.

~lilymoore

Hilo Hailey!

I don't much like the usage of Bold words; it's okay for titles and such, but not really the entire poem. It's almost like you're screaming it at us to say the least.


I also don't like the repetition of 'It's funny how' much. It's really rather redundant, because you're making a bunch of points, but they're not building up to much of anything, dear.


The ending of the poem with 'someday' doesn't do these points you've raised justice; we're pretty much left waiting, waiting for a good closing to this. I think you should tie all of these points in to a final good point that makes your audience feel like the poem was worth the read, dearie.

Keep it up.

June

It's funny how we trust someone who never tells the truth,

It's funny how we push ourselves, though we know that there's no room.

(For so much gloom)

It's funny how life's moto is "take it or leave it",

(Dream it or be live it .)

It's funny how the guy we love always has a secret.

It's funny how some things affect us more than others do,

It's funny how it's hard for us to say three simple words, "I love you".

It's funny how we know that nothing last forever,

It's funny how many pathetic lies are packed into one "love letter".

It's funny how we go around like every thing's okay,

It's funny how everything we know will be all lost,

(Some people dosn't care , the price or the cost)

Someday...

I've never been a fan of really repeitive poems. Also, some things you write sound almost cliche...
It isn't bad though. Keep up the good work.

Heyy
I really like this. The repetition works quite well, and the only thing i didn't understand was why Love letter was in quotations? I didn't know whethere it wasn't a love letter it was a text or whatever else it could be. Thats the only thing I wasn't sure about, other than that, its really good.
Keep it up!
x

This isn't a real critique. I'm just going to tell you how I "feel" about this poem.

I don't think this poem is true to you. I don't feel any sort of emotional connection between you and the poem. In essence, this poem tells me nothing about you or your experiences or how you percieve the world. It's cliche. So yes, it SOUNDS like a good poem and reads like a good poem, but it isn't because it doesn't sound like you. Y-O-U. You are the most important part of any poem you ever write. Even if it's rubbish.

You made your poem too universal and took it away from yourself and thus--because your blanket statements don't speak true to everyone--made your poem weak. Change "we" to "I" and really think about whether or not you believe what you wrote or were you just trying to sound like a poet. If you do, then ELABORATE.
You can't just write a blanket statement with no rhyme or reason. That's ignorant.

Remember, poets don't have a general sound. If you "sound" like a poet, you are most likely being cliche. Besides, you were able to produce this work so it's clear you're a poet. So don't be afraid to use your own voice and sound like yourself.