I was so in Love

Ok I do like this, but I think it might need a little work. Or a lot depending on what you say.

I was so in love,
with your beautiful eyes.
Until you brought,
tears to mine.

I was so in love,
with your pretty smile.
Until the day,
you wiped away mine.

I was so in love,
with your charm and grace.
Until the day,
it was all erased.

I was so in love,
with your everything.
Until the day,
you crushed my dreams.

I was so in love,
can't you see?
Until you said,
you didn't love me.

Looks good ,


you will find better Love ,

just wait ...........


how do you like mine ?


" Don't let go , "

just hold me tight .

Kiss me softly ,

by the candle light .

Turn up the music ,

this is your song .

Come close baby ,

this is where you belong .

Do you want to dance ?

I love the way you move ,

give me a chance ,

I will improve !

As time goes by ,

and moves so fast .

I'd like it to stop with you ,

so I could make it last .

Make a wish every day ,

so I can hope it will come true.

I'm sending Love your way ,

and kisses just for you .

You are my everything ,

more than words can say .

I wish you never left ,

I wish You were with me everyday



.........by R.M.D............6-29-2009

Hey there!

Lovely poem! I really liked how you put your feelings at the end of each stanza. I can understand why you liked this poem. I didn't think that there was anything that you need to improve, but, that's just me. GREAT ending! I liked that particularly because that just sort of summed up everything else that was said during the poem.


Great poem! Keep up the wonderful work.

*Also, I've read many of your other pieces, and I must say, this is probably one of my favorite, but that might just be because I can relate to this one more. Lovely!!


~*Hailey,<3

Thanks! And I love your poem BowLove it is really pretty! Anyway this is by far my favorite as well, and I don't know why.

Awww! That's so sad!

I think a few of the commas were unnecessary, though, like you get caught at the end of each line instead of flowing where maybe it should have flowed. Although it kind of works, and kind of doesn't... I guess it's your call (i'm not being very helpful here, huh? xD).

Anyway, I like this. It's really compact and well-worded. Nice job!

Hey Flower! June here!

(Have I mentioned that you're getting better at poetry? )

Okay, to start! My first thing is punctuation. I think that this poem can handle a solid scheme of "No punct. Comma. No Punct. Period."

That is:

I was so in love

with your beautiful eyes,

Until you brought

tears to mine.


Up until the line when you raise a question; then you use the question mark as you have it.

As I have ranted One million, two thousand and seventy two times before (:P That's an exaggeration!), rhyming love poems are totally not my favorite.

However! I enjoyed this one, Flower. I think you did a nice job pacing your lines in decent rhythmic fashion and nice, gentle rhyme. I also appreciate you keeping your lines short.


It does, however, raise some things I will forever rant about, such as undefined reasons to not sympathize with the character because we don't have a reason to (if that makes sense?) but! That's just me, and my personal preference.

Nice job, Flower! I really enjoyed this.

Juniper

I was so in love,

with your beautiful eyes.

Until you brought,

tears to my suprise ............



I was so in love,

with your pretty smile.

Until the day,

you wiped away mine...........with a file



I was so in love,

with your charm and grace.

Until the day,

it was all erased.................( this is good )



I was so in love,

with your everything.

Until the day,

you crushed my dreams.



I was so in love,

can't you see?

Until you said,

you didn't love me.

............................thats all i got .

I like the first one, I don't get the file thing, it sounds like the joker haha.

i suppose its to how some people manipulate others.. or that you just fell in love when they didn't... its a terrorible thing.. that it is... i'm sorry you cried... but it happens eh ?
i don't care about the poem itself.. since i know nothing of that...

ehhh...i'm a sucky critic.....sorry