Unknown Melodies

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My fingers are blistered from the strings,
though the strings seem to smile.
I hold the guitar in my arms,
with no proper posture, and not caring.
My fingers want to dance across the board,
but I hold them back,
being afraid of what they might do.
The only sound, is the incessant strum and pluck,
as each string sings its solemn note,
this time alone, this time in unison.
Breaking only as the chords go sour.
My fingers gone askew without my knowing.
I try not to think,
to let my fingers move of their own accord,
but the harder I try, the more I do think.
I find the strum pattern an unfamiliar melody,
the chords I know,
a simple D, C, and Em,
but the pattern is unmistakable, alluring.
This siren song is why I try,
I wish only to know whats songs lay hidden,
in those dark corners, and lost coffers.
And then, suddenly as it came, it is gone.
I had not bothered to write it down,
for I found the magic never worked that way.
I start again, from the beginning,
This time though, I try a G.
Last edited by God on Sat Jul 11, 2009 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive




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Hey God!

I haven't reviewed you in ages. :P


SO! I think this is a really great piece, because it feels like your poured your heart and thoughts into this, to come up with this wonderful piece.

With that said, I do feel as if it's slightly wordy in some spots, dear, like too much narration. I know it gives an awesome, personal touch to it. And, it was quite very relatable. ;)

Mm, other than that, I don't have much to say. I really did enjoy how you created a peaceful tone with this, very laidback and beautiful. :)

Nice work! ;)

June

(Woot, a review on my birthday =))
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter




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Hi! I'm going to be reviewing your poem today...
One word (to be followed my several other words): Clarify.

My fingers are blistered from the strings,
though they seem to smile at me.
I hold the guitar in my arms,
with no proper posture, and not caring.


Question: Are your fingers smiling at you, or the strings? Are you not caring about having no proper posture, or not caring as well as holding a guitar? These sorts of things are happening all over the poem, dear. Clarify! Also, at points it seems like a paragraph cut up into a bunch of lines. Should be more poem-y (although not necessarly more flowery).
That said, I do love the idea of the poem, and the way you worked it into something we can all relate to and yet something new. I like the little blip of hope at the end.
Good luck editing!
PM me with any questions
-Aussie
“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” - Freya Stark



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