Just Too Much

I think about you,
Through and through
But you have her,
And a lot to offer

You're such a flirt
But it won't hurt
Me, in the long run
For us, it is fun

For the girlfriend,
I don't know when it'll end
Probably soon
I can't see you her groom

But if you knew
I have no choice but to like you
I have 'mixed emotions,' you see
And this is me, typically

I don't think you can handle me
Even when I'm full of glee
I'm too much to handle
Almost like an all-night candle

Sometimes, I wish you'd be tough
And, please, rough
But not around the edges,
And I can fill the holes with wedges

But you'll never be mine;
It's just not the right time
And you've already have a date,
So don't make your bride wait

Hey Bryanne!

So, this poem was fairly decent, although I have to say that it did not carry anything new for the audience. It's pretty much the most common topic of poetry; a love poem that doesn't end the way the narrator wants it to.

I have to say, though, that the rhyme certainly restricted you. I feel like you have good ideas here, dear, good themes, good messages, and you want to fit it into this rhyme suit that these ideas have outgrown!

To be honest, you sacrificed too much for rhyme, dearie. Instead of letting the words free flow as they should, they were kind of bolted down, like here:

I don't think you can handle me

Even when I'm full of glee

I'm too much to handle

Almost like an all-night candle

A candle really has nothing to do with the poem other than rhyming with it, dear. While it's decent, rhyme isn't the best scheme you could have followed.

On the whole, it was a nice poem to read. With a bit of revision, this can certainly be a masterpiece.

June

Hi!

Well, this was a pretty good poem. Very relatable, and all that good stuff.
The rhyming seems a little forced to me, some words stuck in that aren't needed. I don't like the rhyme scheme at all.
Not all poems have to rhyme, and I believe that this one would have been much, much better without rhymes.

This was a fine poem, but with a bit of editing and tinkering, it could be way better.

-Aly.

Hey!


Okay, this poem was 'okay'. It wasn't very original, but I liked some of the wording. one thing I disliked was that some of the rhyming didn't flow like It should have, instead, It seemed to be a little forced. I liked the theme of the poem, but some of the time, the rhyming part was a little....(no offense) weird.

Otherwise, the poem was good. keep it up!! =]



~*Hailey,<3