An Air Raid Scene

Aware of the situation,
aware of the wingless creation,
as all greedily descend,
to give life a dramatic end,

the trigger is pulled,
the signal activated,
everyone is conscious,
that in moments,
life is rated,

wingless and featherless,
destructive and merciless,
meanigless is their objective,
cruel is their intention,

the innocent crave for peace,
they pray for their hearts' release,
but take hope,
life is not over,
this war won't last,
forever and ever.

Aware of the situation,

aware of the wingless creation,

as all greedily descend,

to give life a dramatic end,

Given the title of the topic is WWII, starting off with 'wingless creature' was a little confusing...to be honest. Later in the poem, I understand where you're going with it, but at the beginning, I'm not too sure...

the trigger is pulled,

the signal activated,

everyone is aware,

that in moments,

life is rated,

I think I need to point out the word aware. It's been used three times in seven lines. It just really stuck out my second time through, first time...not so much, but as I really look at the poem, it's there a lot. The last two lines are very good, I think it captures war perfectly. It's simply worded, and great.

these wingless creatures,

buildings do they collapse,

how long will it take,

till they fall into a lapse?

I think the wording of the second line in this stanza is is worded awkwardly, I keep wanting to rephrase it as I read it, or I have to pause, then read it. Also, second and fourth line, don't force a rhyme, you haven't had any so far, and I feel like the rhyme is just put there, because you're thinking, well...poetry rhyming...

the innocent despair,

peace never was so rare,

but take hope,

life is not over,

this war won't last,

forever and ever.

Again, just a foced rhyme is what the first two lines feel like. A little bit of a bland ending though, it just kinda...drops off.

So, overall, for a first poem, you did well, trust me, it could have been a lot worse, but like any piece of writing, it could use work.

ok tnx vry much...ill try to improve what i can

is it better now? P.S. Sorry for leaving the same ending, dont have any other ideas :S