I suck. Because I was totally going to review this earlier. But I didn't. Sorry ><
I'm not sure how useful I can be though, because I think mainly the issue is whether the poem is too vague and insider-y for others to understand and I sort of know the background information on this - so I get it - but I don't know if I would if I didn't. So instead of even trying to offer useful critique I'm just going to tell you what I think.
The cleaning thing - I don't know, I guess you could *actually* be talking about cleaning but what I get from it is like cleaning your life up - everything is muddled and messy and needs to be redone. On the other hand if you were actually cleaning it would make sense because sex is quite messy and also, a lot of people destress and/or stop thinking about things by cleaning. Like a distraction, I think. So, never mind. I hope you meant it literally. (Actually, it doesn't really matter what you meant, that's my interpretation. <3)
I mean, this whole thing is quite literal isn't it? I keep looking for some hidden, deeper meaning that will give me a some necessary-yet-overlooked understanding about life, but it's not there. I like that. Definitely a step away from your other, antiquated, beautiful structured stuff (which I also like).
But I don't like this one as a whole really because I think it just sort of SCREAMS out the point and the speaker is all ANGRY at like...nothing. I dunno. Herself. Him. Whatever. Maybe that's the point? The poem is about sex which can be incredibly confusing and muddled and wrong - which is what this poem feels like - so I guess that's a good thing.
I think what bothers me most about this poem is that it's so messy...the lack of grammar (I know you did that on purpose but still) and the formatting and yeah. I don't know if the messiness of the poem itself was to tie in with the cleaning? But I don't really...get it.
I honestly don't know what I'm saying so I'm going to IM you. That would be good.
I loved the last stanza especially the first two lines. I think that stanza is really the whole poem. I mean, it has the ideas of the whole...oh my God. I'll just IM you.
Well. I did try.
'life tastes sweeter when it's wrapped in poetry' -the wombats
well ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm so uhhhhhhhh i think that you need a more distinct subject with perhaps less profanity. and i don't get what you are trying to send as a subject. what are you trying to get across to the reader?? and you were saying that "i love you i love you" but than you say you hate him. stay on ONE topic it has to be ONE. and by using that ONE topic you can blossom from it. but and why are you calling a cleaner, and are you from the point of the girl or the boy??
