"Respect of being a female"

"Respect of being a female"
By, Shaniah Berrios

What I gotta do to get respect around this bitch?
Do I gotta be one of those females that say: "I suck dick"
But even if I said that, they wouldnt respect me
They would only look me up and down and try n check me
Wondering if they can manipulate my mind and past the time with silly games
See, Im an independent, outspoken, no time for bull type of female that isnt the same
As, what ya use to gettin'
Recognize the words that im spittin'
Beautiful flowers of when evolving everyday
Always loving the way we walk with a sway
Pretty voices saying: 'I love you', 'I adore you'
But you disrespect us lik were nothing more to you
Male dominance, beating and mistreating of many girls
But once you think about it, you need us to be in this world

P.s. all my writings do not have a lot of cursing in it. Just was one of those "straight to you" poems.

Hell yes!
This is amazing, and truthfully, it reminds me of a hip-hop song, and its really great! You're right, men have to understand, us girls can kick ass, and this poem really tells it! The only thing I think could have been done a little better is the last line, I think it could have been a little better, but other than that, amazing job!
Keep Writing!

hmmmmm..... I don't know if i liked it. It is true on what guys think and do, but it just seems like the lines are a little long. I will have to think about this one ahaha.


-Flower-

First things that stand out

The first thing I notice is your grammar, punctuation and spelling. In short, there are errors. Shortening words fits with the feel and vibe of the poetry, however "im" instead of "I'm" is just lazy on your part. If you don't take the time to capitalize your "I's" and add proper punctuation in where it belongs, it tells the reader that you don't care about your work. If you don't care, why should we?

Sentence Structure

See, Im an independent, outspoken, no time for bull type of female that isnt the same

As, what ya use to gettin'

These two lines have no flow, they are begging for you to rework them so that they even make sense at all. It happens several times in this piece, where the sentence just simply doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You can get the basic idea, but you have to search for it in the middle of jumbled words that feel like they don't go together.

Content

The main thing that is missing here is imaginary. You have no images, just words. You're telling me what kind of girl you are rather than showing me. As a reader, you talking about what kind of person you are really just bores me. I need you as the writer to give me a reason to care about you in this poem. Using poetic devices and vivid in your face images will really bring this to life.

Hope this helps

OverEasy

on behalf of the guys... sort of... the only ones that are really like that are the ones that are shallow and stupid...and insecure and what not.....and i know whats its like to have a guy hit you... ehh... not that i'm gay or anything its just my dad liked to drink...a lot... lol...but that's beside the point...

your also just looking from one view... girls need guys just as much as guys need girls... you know why.. just as much as i do...a lot of guys can be dickheads.. but that's because they've never had to be the weak one...or something like that.....

and i've been beaten to the point of crying by a girl that was like 3 years older than me before.. so you got some evil going on there too...eh ? but that was like 5th grade as well...


sorry.. i guess...you had to go through things like that.....and i know its corny but not all guys are like that.. lol..

people are cruel..

This is really good - lol i envy you your talent x
I agree with what your saying I feel the same all the time especially when I'm at school.
You should enter some competitions, cos you have the talents and I really think you would stand a good chance x

silented1 wrote:on behalf of the guys... sort of... the only ones that are really like that are the ones that are shallow and stupid...and insecure and what not.....and i know whats its like to have a guy hit you... ehh... not that i'm gay or anything its just my dad liked to drink...a lot... lol...but that's beside the point...

your also just looking from one view... girls need guys just as much as guys need girls... you know why.. just as much as i do...a lot of guys can be dickheads.. but that's because they've never had to be the weak one...or something like that.....

and i've been beaten to the point of crying by a girl that was like 3 years older than me before.. so you got some evil going on there too...eh ? but that was like 5th grade as well...


sorry.. i guess...you had to go through things like that.....and i know its corny but not all guys are like that.. lol..

people are cruel..

I agree I have met some very nice guys haha that arn't like that. It just who you choose to be with.

I see the message you are trying to show here as I think we all do but it's very strong becayse you are lacking imagry I think if you had it then this poem would be truely amazing. I haven't gottne very far in life yet but if all guys are that way I'm not sure I want to. This poem has a lot of potential but you need to work on some spelling and punctuation problems, Don't worry though I have the same problem, keep writing!

I have to admit I love this way of writing but I am way too shy to ever attempt it. It is amazing, inspiring. In your face! I love it! It's very true and very interesting because of how young you are how apparent this problem is in our society today even as far as women have come we sometimes are still only objects! Great Work!!!