Doubt

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The sun will rise again, it will:
tomorrow morning, in the east.
The clock will not stand dead and still;
time will trudge on, the way it has
for centuries, without a word
of doubt. The seasons will revolve
from spring, to winter, when the birds
will fly to warmer climates.
And you, my dear, you will awake
to smell the frosty Christmas air,
and feel the icy first snowflakes
which settle on your auburn locks.
And you will look out on the stars,
which have for years and years shone down,
their twinkling light, come from afar
to guide us through the night.
The leaves will fall: red, brown and gold -
a shower - as they've always done,
and you'll walk through; cheeks flushed with cold.
You'll jump and skip your way to school
(to which, as children do, you'll go,
tomorrow and for some years yet.)
This little fact i truly know
will happen, sure enough.
And one day you will leave me here
and off, into the unknown world.
But yet, I will not shed one tear -
my baby's flight would always come.
And church bells will be chiming, Sunday:
merry tunes for God above
and I will go to work on Monday
just like all the others.
I know too well you hate this world:
its logic you cannot make out;
but you are just a little girl
whose clouded thoughts are filled with doubt.
Just gaze up at that starry sky
when innocent eyes give in to tears.
On what is true you can rely-
never give up hope.
Last edited by JemimaPuddleDuck on Sat Jun 13, 2009 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Well, I do believe it's marvellous. Brings tears of wonder to mine eyes. I extraspecially like the ending because it's extraspecially marvellous.

And what-ho, lookie who made it onto their computer!!

Je t'aime xxxx
I just hit my computer
Because it was being slow
I need my daily Smallville fix
And it will not load the video.




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Hey there! I thought this poem was well-written and you conveyed the message well.

For these lines:


(to which, as children do, you'll go,

tomorrow and for some years yet.)


I think that they are not really necessary. You can omit this.


"This little fact i truely know

will happen, sure enough."


It's supposed to be 'truly,' not 'truely.'



Overall, nice work! Keep it up! ^^
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.




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:shock:

WOW Jemima! This is a great piece of work. Your a great poet! :D

But now I have to review...Dun dun Dunn! :twisted:

I've underlined the problems.

which settle on your auburn locks.


There's nothing particularly wrong about this line but I think you could do with out the "which".
You say it two lines after this and to me it just sounded awkward.


to smell the frosty Christmas air,


After this, you tell us about the leaves on trees changing colors and falling. It kind of confused me that we went from winter to fall so fast. Maybe you could change Christmas to something else like maybe "arctic", or you could just take it out all together.


This little fact i truly know


Please just capitalize the "I". It's bugging me.

Well, that's my critic. Well...more like suggestions...just things I would change. But over all this is a wonderful poem!



There is no quiet. There is only Doc McStuffins.
— Ron Swanson