Thanks.
The novel
chapter 1- Bad luck
No. This couldn't be. Not again. It was just so unfair!
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" I swore, kicking the bench. It was brand new, painted a brilliant oak, such a contrast with the pale golden bricks under it. I still kicked it. I didn't mind that it was new.
The whole street was radiating calmness, the last rays of sun coloring everything in warm colors, as if saying goodnight before it faded away, making room for the stars. It was all so peaceful: the last thing I was feeling right now.
I mean, they didn't even read it. Not one glance. They're a publishing company, aren't they? Isn't it their job to read my book and tell if it was good enough to publish it under their name? 'We're full, come again later.' the secretary with the big brown curls had said. She didn't even look up from her expensive computer screen. So what if they were the best? So what if I wanted to get my novel published, there of all places, since I was a little girl? This wasn't right.
I've been 'coming again later' for over a year now. For the love of god, I thought angrily, just say no! Then I would give up. But as long as they let me hope...
I kicked the bench again, this was my fifth kick. Sixth. Seventh. I felt the tears fighting their way down my cheeks. I didn't want to cry. It was embarrassing, over such a small thing.
Eighth. Ninth. Tenth. Eleventh.
No. I would definitely not cry about this. It was stupid and insensible and… Oh, what the hell. The tears streamed down, and I tried to keep my lips sealed. Sure there was nobody down the street now, but if I start crying out loud I knew people would come.
Wouldn't that be perfect? I thought bitterly, picturing it. Just as I did footsteps hurried down the street. I almost groaned.
No, no, no, no. Nobody can have this amount of bad luck. This just wasn't fair.
I shot one quick peek at the sky- it wasn't completely dark yet, maybe I could find my way home on foot, turn around right now, call Jared later and explain why I wasn't there when he came to pick me up.
Yeah, I could do that.
But I was too late.
A tall youth was walking down the street, dragging his legs, eyebrows crumpled with a sour expression. He was holding something similar to a note book in his hands, something I recognized all too good- I had one exactly like, clutched in my right hand now. It was a book in the works. More like a notebook really.
He didn't even seem to notice me. I didn't feel insulted at all by that- I wasn't really all that special. Sure, when I tried, then maybe. But I wasn't trying right now. The tears had ruined my make up, my eyes were probably smeared with black eyeliner, my long curly hair, the color of maple, was tied in an unimpressive ponytail at the back of my head. Nothing too special.
Normal clothes- I put on my shaggy looking leather jacket, well, it was Jared's really, but he gave it to me, so it was mine now. It still smelled like him, and that helped me stop the tears. Under it was my fancy red blouse with long black jeans. All he could see was the jeans, so I understood why he wasn't looking at me; everybody did when I wore that shirt. Because of the colors, that is. It was so bright that it was hard to look away.
I ducked my head, trying to calm down. Don't worry, I promised in a pathetic little voice to myself, Jared's going to come any minute now, and you two will have the most wonderful night, you grouching on and on about your story, him telling you all his gruesome tales from his doctor school thing.
Of course, my night was in fact going to be very, very different, but I didn't know that.
The youth dragged his feet up until the bench, where he fell, almost collapsed. I rushed to his aid, leaning down awkwardly, memorizing the only CPR movements I knew.
Where was Jared at a time like this?!
"No, I'm fine." The boy protested when I reached out my hands, his voice throaty as if he was holding back tears.
I ignored him, helping him up clumsily with nervous hands that kept slipping. I wasn't much of a klutz, really. It was just that I was nervous: I never really talked to guys that weren't Jared, and other then his friends, which I immediately liked, I didn't have a lot to do with guys. Especially really cute guys like this one.
He smiled apologetically as he leaned on my arm and got up almost as clumsily as me.
I pointed at the beaten notebook he held. "I'm a writer too." I said in a small voice. I felt totally idiotic. Great, was I trying to get him to laugh at me? It felt like in those cartoons, where the stupid character would point at the cool one and say 'friends?' without knowing this person was laughing at them behind their backs.
But he only smiled, "yeah, you got your own story right there." He pointed at the ground, where my notebook was lying. I probably stepped on it as I leaned down to help him.
"Oh no!" I squeaked before almost falling down to get it back. "This is just my luck!" I exclaimed as I got up, eyes wide, staring at the ruined cover. "First the stuck up company rejects my book, now it gets ruined!" I blinked back more tears. "Do you think this is a sign?" I looked at the boy, too bewildered to care that this question was more idiotic than anything I'd said so far.
The boy looked puzzled. "You believe in signs?" his voice was almost a sneer. I noticed that the sad expression from before disappeared- he was smiling now. Brown-blond hair framed his face, straight as straw, his skin was average in color, but smooth, and his eyes were a deep honey color mixed with hazel. He was actually really cute.
"Yeah, I do," I sniffled as I stomped to the bench. "What's it to you?"
"Oh, nothing." The smile was gone. A different expression settled over his features, a sadder one, maybe even angry. "My ex-girlfriend thought it was lame, though. She always yelled at anyone who thought it was true." The hurtful look didn't leave his eyes.
He was clearly not over her. Poor thing, I thought, not exactly out of pity, but out of sympathy.
"I'm Merry," I smiled shyly at him, remembering I didn't know his name.
"Jessie," he introduced himself with a head nod. Still sad, I could see.
"Did you try to publish it?" I asked to distract him. I wasn't sure why I was doing it, maybe I just needed to help someone who was in worse shape than me. Maybe that was the key to me not going insane while writing this story.
"Yeah," a smile played at the corner of his mouth, "they turned me down just now, didn't even read it." There was a sour note in the end of his sentence.
"Mine too," I shook my head angrily. "I tried the fancy office up the street."
The smile he smiled now was real and full, stretching all the way, showing his teeth. "Me too," he chuckled. The sound sent butterflies flying in my stomach. I caught myself just in time, I'm sick, I told myself firmly, that's why I'm feeling this. It's probably a virus or something. Just a minor one. That started working just now. Pathetic lie, I know, but it was the best excuse I could give myself.
I looked at my watch and sighed. "It's late," I looked up at the road with worried eyes. "And he's still not here."
Jessie understood. "Oh, well, I could drive you. I just went out to get some fresh air." he offered, his smile wider now.
I nodded slowly, not really agreeing. I didn't know him. This was dangerous.
He understood that too. He concentrated on something for a second, his forehead crumpling, then he smiled again. "How about you drive?"
It was safer, I had to admit. "Fine." I got up, rubbing my hands together. Jared wasn't coming- that was clear. I needed to get home.
"Oh, and, um, thanks." My voice was low and I didn't look at Jessie as I said the words.
"No problem, Em." Jessie seemed at ease so I relaxed too. He handed me the keys and started walking toward the parking lot. I followed in little steps after him. "By the way," he asked casually, "I have a matter to discuss with you, so have you eaten dinner?"
I half sighed, whishing he hadn't asked that. Jared wouldn't be too happy if I was going out with a stranger. A stranger that's a boy that is.
"Sure," I made my decision. Mostly because I wanted to go, and this guy seemed harmless. And mostly because Jared wasn't here, now was he? If it didn't matter to him that I was alone on the street at night, then why should he care where I go? It was an over reaction, I was aware, but it was just too hard to be upset with Jessie around.
It looked like he thought the same thing because he flashed me another smile and said, "I don't know why, but this is... kind of nice." After that he seemed a little brooding. Like he was bringing back memories.
I didn't bother him, only once, when I said, "Hey, I need to get my jacket home safely. You can come up for just a moment, I'll show you around." I was really proud of the apartment. Jared and I saved for years so we could get our own place.
He detected the note of pride in my voice and fought a smile.
But as we rounded the corner to reach the apartment building I lived in I heard music playing, faded at first, but as we came closer it was stronger and stronger. We walked up the stairs with speed, me, eager to get out, him, eager to help me.
The music was coming from our place. "That's weird," I mumbled.
The door was open and I let myself in. I placed the leather jacket on the small couch, and sped toward his room, just to check. He was there alright. So was she.
Jared looked so helpless, his black hair falling over his eyes as he stumbled to his feet.
"You swore..." I whispered, shocked.
April looked ashamed. She got off the bed slowly. "I'm..." I didn't let her finish the sentence. I guessed she was about to say, sorry. But that just didn't seem to cut it. I spun around, heading toward the door again. I bumped into Jessie as soon as I got out of the apartment.
He looked confused and scared. "You're...crying?" He twisted the word in the end so it sounded like a question. I hadn't really noticed before.
"Let's just get out of here." My voice was choked and it broke near the end.
I heard footsteps behind me and then Jared's voice boomed through the empty space of the hall. "We were just talking, Merry, come on!" He was pleading. "I just miss her."
Every word cut through me like a knife. Even though I hadn't said anything, Jessie seemed to understand, like before.
"Where are we going?" I asked softly, ignoring Jared's pleas. This seemed to upset Jared. The pleas stopped, hanging in the air as he processed my tone.
I wasn't going to let this happen anymore. That's it. This was the end.
I started walking down the stairs, dazed. Jessie followed right after me. he put an encouraging hand on my shoulder.
I got into his car shakily, slamming the door. It was cold inside, with no jacket at all. But it was better that I didn't have the jacket I had in mind. It would have made things harder. I wouldn't let it go on any further than this. He had his chance.
I stepped on the gas-paddle as hard as I could.
Leaving everything behind was never a dream of mine, but it sure felt good now.
