Sounds

Sounds

There is a hum of voices,
Rising and falling,
A cacophony,
In tune and out weaving—
A kitten purr, a hyena cackle,
An opera soprano’s resonating… chirp:

Purely instrumental,
no lyrics.
By the conductor's hand—
invisible puppeteer and magician—
they move, alone,
and they sing—alone.

He pulls string away from a cliff…

I see Him behind their
eyes
As I strain to hear a
solo,
a melody,
a perfectly blended harmony--I get nothing.
Like a choir divided,
with each their own different notes,
we are all of us, alone,

except an invisible conductor.

Hey, Adna. Saw this on the front page and thought I'd stop by quickly to offer a few comments. ^_^

Overall, I don't really understand this piece. Now, I fully accept the fact that this could possibly be my fault and that I'm just not smart enough or aware enough to tune into the meaning at this point in time. However, I think you could afford to take out the overall meaning you're trying to communicate and make sure that's woven in to every other stanza. I feel the first one, especially, is separate from the others.

A kitten purr, a hyena cackle,

An opera soprano’s resonating… chirp.

Not only that, but you should decide whether or not these are possessive. Having two be non-possessive and one be possessive is awkward. I think that the non-possessive words are especially awkward. I'd just make them all possessive. Let me say possessive one more time. Okay. Then, why the 'chirp'? What is the point? If you want the chirp to communicate the emptiness of being alone, you need to set it up differently.

Furthermore, there are many points in this poem where the sentences are not cohesive. Please take the line breaks out and make it prose, then make sure the conjunctions or transitions AND the punctuation make sense in prose. Then put it back into poetry. -claps-

He pulls string away from a cliff…

I think this is perhaps the most intriguing line of the poem, but it stands completely alone with no elaboration whatsoever. The rest of the poem, I feel, is an excuse to fit all the musical terms possible in one little bit of writing, and I think it shows through. Please try to focus this poem and smooth it out. =]

PM me if you have any questions, okay? ^____^ Keep it up~

-Hannah-

I didn't really get this either. You used pretty words and such, but it didn't really make any sense. Like throwing together a bunch of foreign words to try and make a sentence. I don't want to sound mean or anything, just I don't see it. To me, the poem was too divided, like the beginning, middle, and end stanzas didn't seem to fit together. They had a few common elements, but they were more like third cousins twice removed (yeah, I know I use weird analogies). I could go into a few other little nit-picks (capitalization and flow, to name a few), but that's minor stuff that can be fixed pretty easily. I'm more concerned about what this poem is saying. Everyone takes something away from every piece of literature they read. That's something you should take into mind. Yet again, not trying to be mean, but if the reader can't comprehend what you're trying to say, they can't take that much away. That's not to say that you don't have a message, it's just that it's a bit hard to find. Anything else I wanted to point out Hannah already said, so I'm gonna leave it at that.

Random thought: Whilst meditating beneath a banyan tree, I tried to decipher your poem. Does it have anything to do with God? Just because of the whole invisible conductor, capitalized "Him", it's in everyone sort of thing. Anyway, just a theory.

Pretty awesome

This is a really nice piece, I think you use very graceful language, I especially love the first stanza, although all of them
are very strong.
-There is a hum of voices,

Rising and falling,

A cacophony,

In tune and out weaving—

A kitten purr, a hyena cackle,

An opera soprano’s resonating… chirp.

This is the part that resonated most with me, I think you chose fantastic words and really made the this, and the whole poem flow very nicely.

Really good work!

I liked your way of writing, but all in all I didn't understand what it was about. Yes I understand that it is about Sound. I just don't see what some of the lines have to do with the rest especially when they stand alone. Like when you say 'He pulls string away from a cliff…' I don't understand what that means. I really would've liked more description with that part. You described everything else so wonderfully I just thought that if you would've elaborated on that one part I would've liked it a whole lot more. I like to think that this piece wasn't only about about sound but everybody gets something different out of poetry. I thought that this poem was more about life and how things can be harmonious or not so much. I might be wrong but I look at the world a little differently any way.

Hey Adna! That was beautiful! The first time I read it, I couldn't quite understand the significance of these lines:

A kitten purr, a hyena cackle,

An opera soprano’s resonating… chirp.

I was about to agree with Hannah, that it seems out of place, till I reread the whole thing and noticed this:

I see Him behind their

eyes

As I strain to hear a

solo,

That's when I think I understood what you were trying to convey. I think you're simply describing creatures as individuals in an 'opera', which can represent life and the way we live it. By "Him", I assume you mean the Lord? Him being the conductor of life who dwells in all of us? Just correct me if I'm wrong. :]

Only comment? The use of capitalization. I get that suggestion a lot, so I guess that's the only thing I can remind you of.

Overall, I love how it has a bit of social significance, and more depth. (that is, if my analysis is correct! lol!) Thumbs up!