Young Writers Society

I love it when she blushes,

It makes me cry to realize she does'nt believe me

But how to mak her see

She's the one i need?



I'll love her like no other

And no i dont mean under the cover

She's my romantic half

Each day i laugh

Each day i sigh hopeing she hears

... I want to see her.



She thinks of our kisses

And as i do the same

I can't seem to shake her name

As i close my eyes its her name in a loop

Elena, Elena, Elena

There is nobody else like her.



Lovey Dovey

In her prezance im shy

Theres no need for me to lie

I love her, I love her, I love her

I'd scream it from the roof tops,

I'd scream it from the Eiffle Tower

Too the Grand canion,

From the ground too Heavin,

From my heart too her eyes.



Each day. I want her to know

I'll love her till the stars fall from the sky.

Hi. Welcome to YWS!

The first line is a nice gateway into the poem, as you've focused on an image. I'd suggest elaborating on this a bit, and trying to convey the speaker's love through what he sees, rather than stating it outright in lines such as;
"I love her, I love her, I love her".
I'd omit such lines and focus instead on creating an image of the object of the speaker's affection.


The second thing I'd do is go into 'edit' and click the "check spelling" button over the box you type into. This will highlight misspellings and if you click on them it will give you a list of possible corrections and you just click on the right one and press submit, and it will fix them for you.

Love poetry is difficult because it's so hard to articulate, and there's been so much of it written that it's almost impossible not to slip into cliche. In such poetry, it's important to look outwards rather than inwards. Look at what the speaker loves about Elena and why rather than focusing on his reaction to her in isolation. I'd also leave out any references to the heart.

Hope this helps.

Jas

I think the spelling and the punctuation was very off. The words have potential, but not so far apart.

Punctuation, Spelling, and Grammar

Well after reading this I get the impression it may be a good idea for you to review your basic punctuation and spelling. It's always a good idea to keep reading, I know I still review the basics sometimes. Give that site a glance over and then do some self editing.

Content

As the for the content, it feels very much like a love letter to someone written in poetry form. Poetry on love is very hard to convey, as love is an emotion that is hard to explain and give examples of. It's nearly impossible to describe it, and even harder to make the reader feel what you're feeling, but it's not completely impossible. What you need to do is take one basic idea here, and create a story with it. Right now you've got a lot of ideas bouncing around but none of them have a real connection with each other. Give us readers something we can picture, give us a reason to love Elena too. Right now you tell us how much you love her, which is great, but there is no poetry in it.

Overall

The best suggestion I can give you is to slow down, and show us, don't tell us. Take one basic idea and run with it rather then having many basic ideas thrown into the same poem and not expanding on one.

Hope this helps

OverEasy

Hi, welcome to YWS! Please note that we have a 2:1 rule here, meaning that members should review two poems or stories by other members before posting their own.

You need to take care with your spelling. Some of them might just be typos but sloppy spelling is a sign that you don't care about your work, and if you don't, why should the reader? So make sure you use a spell checker. Also I would suggest making the gaps between the lines smaller because the large space makes it a bit difficult to read. The rhyming is a bit simple and obvious, but apart from that, it is a very sweet poem. Keep writing.

This was very nice, but you need to use spell check. Also, the format switched during the middle of the poem. For the first few stanzas, it was rhyming at the end of sentences then, it switched over and stopped rhyming. It could use some work, but it has very good potential.