Never like a farytale

Love sucks. Its not real and it sucks. Learn this now. I did.
As bad as we want it love isn't all its cracked up to be. It is what it is. Impossible to achieve. Yet if you do achieve it, it will be the hardest thing to keep. Love is what makes peoples lives so miserable. Of course there are people who don''t believe me. It seems to me that people want more than anything to take a chance and risk getting hurt. My belief in love is reasonable.
My father left my mother and me when I was four. I came down stairs to find my mother at our granite counter top crying over a note and chocolate frosting. This is when I stopped believing in love. And started to fall in love with romance.
Whether it be movies or books, Television shows or pictures, romance was the closest connection to love that I have.
My mother thinks I am crazy. I think that she is right, but I also think she is crazy to. I mean, what woman in her right mind would die there hair pink and cut it so short that you can spike it? What woman would where neon green miniskirts and skintight T-shirts with Hot pink Six inch platform healed boots? Answer, my mother, and she calls me crazy.
I on the other hand where modest clothes. White blouses with a skirt or a the occasional jeans. My curly golden blond hair is always up. I know that I don't dress my age, but neither does my mother.
My mother owns a bookstore. Its a bookstore that has worn out chairs and music playing in the background. She sells movies, books and music. Some of which tend to have something to do with love. My mom refuses to accept my opinion about love. She has dated more then twenty different guys in half a year. She is always telling me to get a boyfriend. Yeah, she is that kind of mother.
That is why, when I started to fall in love I went straight to my mother. Not a big help. I told her about Tomas.
Tomas is the "golden boy". Mr. Perfect. That is why I was in love with him, or rather who he was. I had come to believe that every guy has a weakness. Something that could turn a girl away with the blink of an eye. so when Tomas asked me out one day I said yes, just to find out his weakness.
I couldn't find it. Tomas has no weaknesses. He really is Mr. Perfect. I continue to try to find it. I was about to give up all hope when he finally told me what his krypton is. ME.
"I love you." was the first thing he said to me on a gloomy Monday morning. He was driving me to school. I hopped into his truck. He says this as he buckles me in. Him saying that made me think. Do I love him? No. Love isn't real. A myth, a fantasy. That is why I shocked myself by saying I love you too.
He looked at me. I could tell that he had heard the rumors. The rumors that I didn't believe in love. I stared back into his blue eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. "Shut up." I think. "Shut up. Remember, the only reason you went out with him is to find out his weakness." I try to remind myself. "Well, I didn't expect to hear that." He said as he parked his car. I laugh. "I didn't expect myself to say it." Then I kiss him. My first kiss, my first love and my first glimpse that maybe, just maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there is something called love. I just hadn't seen it in a while.

Hey!

Wow - I really like this, but you have a lot of grammar mistakes. Let's go through those first, shall we? I also may reword some things to make the story a bit smoother, but those are just suggestions. ^_^

aouther2b wrote:Love sucks. It's not real and it sucks. Learn this now. I did.
As bad as we want it,[]/b] love isn't all [b]it's cracked up to be. It is what it is. Almost impossible to achieve. Yet if you do achieve it, it will be [s]the hardest thing[/s] even harder to keep. Love is what makes people's lives so miserable. Of course there are people who don''t believe me. It seems to me that people want more than anything to take a chance and risk getting hurt. My belief in love is reasonable.
My father left my mother and me when I was four. I came down stairs to find [s]my mother[/s] her at our granite countertop, crying over a note and chocolate frosting. I like this image. This is when I stopped believing in love, and started to fall in love with romance.
Whether it be movies or books, television shows or pictures, romance is the closest connection to love that I have.
My mother thinks I am crazy. I think that she is right, but I also think she is crazy too. I mean, what woman in her right mind would dye their hair pink and cut it so short that you could spike it? What woman would wear neon green miniskirts and skintight T-shirts with hot pink six-inch platform [s]healed[/s] boots? Answer: my mother. And she calls me crazy.
I, on the other hand, wear modest clothing: white blouses with a skirt or [s]a[/s] the occasional pair of jeans. My curly golden blond hair is always up. I know that I don't dress my age, but neither does my mother.
My mother owns a bookstore. It's a bookstore that has worn-out chairs and music playing in the background. She sells movies, books and music, some of which tend to have something to do with love. My mom refuses to accept my opinion about love. She has dated more then twenty different guys in half a year. She is always telling me to get a boyfriend. Yeah, she is that kind of mother.
That is why, when I started to fall in love, I went straight to [s]my mother[/s] her. [s]Not a big help.[/s] I told her about Tomas.
Tomas is the "golden boy." Mr. Perfect. That is why I was in love with him, or rather who he was. I had come to believe that every guy has a weakness. Something that could turn a girl away with the blink of an eye. So when Tomas asked me out one day I said yes, just to find out what his weakness was.
I couldn't find it. Tomas has no weaknesses. He really is Mr. Perfect. I continue to try to find it. I was about to give up all hope when he finally told me what his krypton is. ME.
"I love you," was the first thing he said to me on a gloomy Monday morning. He was driving me to school. I hopped into his truck. He says this as he buckles me in. Him saying that made me think. Do I love him? No. Love isn't real. A myth, a fantasy. That is why I shocked myself by saying, "I love you too."
He looked at me. I could tell that he had heard the rumors[s]. The rumors[/s] that I didn't believe in love. I stared back into his blue eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. "Shut up," I thought. "Shut up. Remember, the only reason you went out with him is to find out his weakness," I tried to remind myself.

NP>>"Well, I didn't expect to hear that," he said as he parked his car. I laughed. "I didn't expect myself to say it." Then I kissed him. My first kiss, my first love and my first glimpse that maybe, just maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there is something called love. I just hadn't seen it in a while.

I love the ending! It's so cute. But seriously - proofread your work. Grammar mistakes are horribly annoying for readers and take away from the actual story. Also, watch out for choppy sentences and repetition; it makes the piece read too stiffly.

In the beginning, the main character seemed like kind of a contradiction. She believes in romance but not love? I think those two things go together; if that's not what you meant then it needs to be clearer.

I also think this is a bit too short. I mean, you go to all the trouble of laying out the main character perfectly, all the history, and then there's a tiny bit of action at the end; a tiny bit of actual story. I'd keep the history, but draw out the Tomas bit, show us how she fell in love with him, was asked out by him, show us more of what happened when he told her he loved her, etc. It deserves that.

Good luck!

-Mars

Okay, there were a lot of grammar mistakes but I won't go through them because I think Mars got them all. I think this piece has a lot of potential. I like where the plot seems to be going. I however think some of your descriptions could be better, like about the book store. There wasn't a lot of imagery there. I think you did a good job of letting us know what kind of person the mother is but I feel confused on the main character a little bit. I don't understand her stand on the whole romance without love thing. I think you should try to expand on that to make it clearer.

aouther2b wrote:Love sucks. Its not real and it sucks. Learn this now. I did.
As bad as we want it love isn't all its cracked up to be. It is what it is. Impossible to achieve. Yet if you do achieve it, it will be the hardest thing to keep. Love is what makes peoples lives so miserable. Of course there are people who don''t believe me. It seems to me that people want more than anything to take a chance and risk getting hurt. My belief in love is reasonable.

First off, you say love is not real. Than you go on to say It <b>isn't what It's cracked up to be</b>, which means you have expierenced it. Then in your last sentence, you say your <b>belief in love</b> is reasonaible, when in the first sentence you say you didn't belive in it. Consistensy, Please?

aouther2b wrote:My father left my mother and me when I was four. I came down stairs to find my mother at our granite counter top crying over a note and chocolate frosting. This is when I stopped believing in love. And started to fall in love with romance.

First Sentence Should be - "My father left my mother and <b>I</b> when I was four. In the next sentence, you need to describe that day a little bit more, and go into the background. For example: "It was a cold winter morning, and I had awoken late. I looked at the clock and threw the first close I saw on. I then trudged down the stairs to find my mother crying." Then you need to describe the situation a little bit more. How did your character feel when there father left them? How did it impact them? For the next sentence, please explain a little more.

aouther2b wrote:Whether it <b>is in</b> movies or <b>in</b> books, television shows or pictures, romance was the closest connection to love that I have.

Mostly gramatical erros in this paragraph (corrections above in bold)

aouther2b wrote: My mother thinks I am crazy. I think that she is right, but I also think she is crazy to. I mean, what woman in her right mind would <b>dye</b> <b>their hair pink and cut it so short that you can spike it? What woman would where neon green miniskirts and skintight T-shirts with Hot pink Six inch platform healed boots? Answer, my mother, and she calls me crazy.

please be a little more specific in this paragraph. How much time has passed since the characters father left? When you desribe the outfit, are you talking about the mother or the main character? Also, you say- my mother <b>thinks</b> Before you talking in past tense. That sentence is presentence. Please, CONSISTENSY!

aouther2b wrote:I<b>,</b> on the other hand <b>wear<b> modest clothes <b>-</b> White blouses with a skirt or <strike>a</strike> the occasional jeans. My curly golden blond hair is always up. I know that I don't dress my age, but neither does my mother.</b>

<b>My mother owns a bookstore. Its a bookstore that has worn out chairs and music playing in the background. She sells movies, books and music. Some of which tend to have something to do with love. My mom refuses to accept my opinion about love. She has dated more then twenty different guys in half a year. She is always telling me to get a boyfriend. Yeah, she is that kind of mother.<b>

This paragraph is pretty good, expect you are switching between past and present tence again. Please choose a tense and stick with it.

aouther2b wrote:That is why, when I started to fall in love I went straight to my mother. Not a big help. I told her about Tomas.
Tomas is the "golden boy". Mr. Perfect. That is why I was in love with him, or rather who he was. I had come to believe that every guy has a weakness. Something that could turn a girl away with the blink of an eye. When Tomas asked me out one day, I said yes, just to find out his weakness.

Erm...Okay, describe a little bit more. How did your character meet him? How had you had come to believe every guy has a weakness if he is your first boyfriend?

aouther2b wrote: I couldn't find it. Tomas has no weaknesses. He really is Mr. Perfect. I continue to try to find it. I was about to give up all hope when he finally told me what his krypton is. ME.

Again, switching between past and prestent tence.. There Is a little bit of being a Mary Sue, giving your character the perfect boyfriend. He needs to have flaws to be a realistic character. I'm sorry, but nobody is perfect.

"

aouther2b wrote:I love you." was the first thing he said to me on a gloomy Monday morning. He was driving me to school. I hopped into his truck. He says this as he buckles me in. Him saying that made me think. Do I love him? No. Love isn't real. A myth, a fantasy. That is why I shocked myself by saying I love you too.

Why do you love eachother? You have not desribed him at all, how me makes you feel, or any details of your relationship. More switching between past and presentence, and your getting the order of events mixed up. You say he's telling this to you as you are driving in your car, but then you drive in the car.

aouther2b wrote: He looked at me. I could tell that he had heard the rumors. The rumors that I didn't believe in love. I stared back into his blue eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. "Shut up." I think. "Shut up. Remember, the only reason you went out with him is to find out his weakness." I try to remind myself. "Well, I didn't expect to hear that." He said as he parked his car. I laugh. "I didn't expect myself to say it." Then I kiss him. My first kiss, my first love and my first glimpse that maybe, just maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there is something called love. I just hadn't seen it in a while.

Huh? What rumors? Who knew you didn't believe in love? There are no other characters. Also you shouldn't put quotes when you think, but you should italicize it. Also, I need to ask why you love eachother. It is just lust and superficail qualities, because all you describe is his "Beautfiul Blue Eyes," All in all, this story has great potential, but needs alot of work
Switching between past and prt

So, love only in fiction, eh? I like the piece, because I could feel a connection to the main character, though I didn't believe in romance either. I must admit you have described very realistically the way love changes everything. The story needs a little bit more attention, though. Grammar mistakes aside, perhaps a little more words about the all romance without love idea, because I'm not really clear on how this is possible.

I liked it. There were grammatical errors, but hey were all human and make mistakes (good thing we learn from them.). I was confused though on the part of love and romance? I think you should elaborate more on that.