Hapily ever after

Na na na na na na na na na na

Oh you!
Make so romantic every time.
Oh you!
Take me high, don’t wanna come down tonight.

When you smile at me
It makes me breath so fast.
You hold my hand
This night should always last.

[Chorus]
But everything has to end.
Love, family or friend.
Everything’s a disaster.
There’s no happily ever after.

La la la la la la la la la la

Oh I!
Am lost in your deep eyes.
And I!
Can’t get over your affable smile.

But at the same time
I have to be aware.
Cuz when we shatter,
I gotta be prepared.

[Chorus]
Cuz everything has to change,
Nothing will be the same.
Everything’s a disaster
There’s no happily ever after.

We’ll have our fights
And you'll change too.
I should probably stay away
But I can’t resist you!!!
Tonight…

[Chorus]
Oh oh oh
everything has to end.
Love, family or friend.
All relationships fail
Cuz Life is not a fairytale.

Hey...it is a really nice song. it has a very nice rhythm to it and whoever reads it can make up a different beat for the song, which is good. i love the song. There's a nice rhyme scheme. overall the song it very good.

- Anshita

TEENQUEEN!!!
This is sooo cute!! Seriously!
*Gold star*
You should put a tune to this!

Heeeey,
this was very endearing, if not a little generic, but if it's a pop song then generic is gooood!
I particularly liked the La La La's, i love those in a song, sort of reminds me of "Brown eyed girl" one of my favourite songs ever!

i thought the vocab was perfect for a pop song, if thats what you're aiming it for (it's how i'm seeing it, anyway) apart from "affable" which stuck out as really different from the other basic vocabulary. Just seemed a bit odd to me.

Also,
"Oh you!
Make so romantic every time."

Am i the only one who doesn't get that, can you explain what that means please? haha


Helen
xxxx

Hey TeenQueen! I shall be your reviewer for today. ^^ So here I go!

But everything has to end.
Love, family or friend.
Everything’s a disaster.
There’s no happily ever after.

Ah, your chorus! It's the most important part of your song and you have to pay close attention to it, otherwise you'll be listening to a song that you just can't get hooked on. I think your chorus needs something a bit more catchy, something more enthralling than the rather trite pop lingo. Also, the last line of your chorus is off in beat, so maybe you could remove 'There's' to make is flow more smoothly.

When you smile at me
It makes me breath so fast.
You hold my hand
This night should always last.

'Breath' is a noun, not a verb. You need to replace that with the verb breathe.

Oh I!
Am lost in your deep eyes.
And I!
Can’t get over your affable smile.

Between 'deep' and 'eyes' you should have another description for the eyes. Maybe what the color of the eyes are or how they look to you. Also, affable doesn't seem like a good description for a person you can't resist. Charming, handsome, or alluring would be words that would suit it better.

We’ll have our fights
And you'll change, too.
I should probably stay away
But I can’t resist you!
Tonight…

[Chorus]
Oh oh oh
everything has to end.
Love, family or friend.
All relationships fail
Cuz' life's not a fairytale.

The corrections are bolded. Your last line's rhythm was off again, so you might want to consider combining 'life is' to life's so the flow will be better in the stanza.

Overall, I liked your song because it has a good Pop song feel to it, and Pop music is my favorite. I think the 'La' repeat in your song kind of took away from that downcast sort of atmosphere and added to the love for that one person, which is good in one sense, but it seems you have two different emotions swirling here. Playing up one emotion would make your song more believable, or adding more description to the two emotions of sadness and wanting for that one person would be good, as well.

Anyway, I hope to see more of your writing! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.