Unsolved Mystery

Arms wound around my stomach, caging me against a much larger body. Hot breath puffed against the back of my ear, tickling. A low growl shivered over my senses; making my every nerve stand at attention.

"Long time no see," I murmured, already knowing who was holding me. It took all my will not to hold the arms against me.

Logan's voice was like a heaven-sent. "Too long." The gentle grumble was just as I remembered. "Where did you go?"

I swallowed hard. "Alittle bit of everywhere. Never too far away though."

The arms tightened around me and a quiet growl ripped through the boy holding me. "Tell me the damn truth, Leanne. Don't bullshit me."

My jaw clenched. It had been a while since I had had to answer to anyone, so my natural instict was to rebel. I swallowed my initial reactionand forced myself to think about who I was talking to. This was Logan, my boyfriend, my best friend, the one person I knew I could always count on. I could tell him the truth. "I was on my way back from Seattle, coming back to see you. I was so intent on getting back that I forgot myself. I collapsed outside a law firm because I hadn't eaten in three days," I explained to him.

I felt his entire body freeze. "You were coming back?" The incredulous hope in his voice tore straight through me; making me feel like even more of a criminal than I already felt like.

"Just for a few days," I clarified quietly.

Logan pressed his face against my neck. "Please don't leave again." he begged, "I went crazy when you were away. I need you by me."

One of my hands tightly clutched Logan's hair. He was tearing me apart and he probably didn't even realize it. The layers of icy hate I had thrown around my heart collapsed as hot tears dropped onto my shoulder.

I swallowed passed the tears burning in my throat. "You're killing me, Logan. You're ripping my heart out."

Lightning fast, he turned me around and shoved me onto the bed. "What do you think you did when you left? You're my world, Lee. The one person I always want to be around, good or bad, no matter what. I stopped functioning when you ran away, and I don't know if my family and I will survive if it happens again." He loomed over me, pained anger burning in crystal eyes.

"Logan..." I reached up to him but he only stared at me.

"Why?" His demand made me cringe with the sorrow coursing through it.

"Why what?" I wanted to be able to soothe his pain, but the only way I knew I could was by telling him I wouldn't leave again, which was something I couldn't promise him.

"Why did you leave?" A tiny crease formed between drawn together brows.

Shame forced me to look away from him. "I did it, Logan. I killed that guy. I can feel it."

"Lee, you didn't know who or where you were," Logan protested.

"Exactly! I cant remember anything from before that night, so who's to say I didn't kill him? I don't know who I am, Logan. I have no clue what I'm capable of. And until I figure it out, I'm just trying to keep Jeremy and Jamie safe."

He took my face between his hands and forced me to look at him. "I know who you are. You're Leanne Geist. You were adopted by my pack leader and his mate. You're sweet and playful, a born mother, and you don't have a single mean bone in you're body. You're my best friend, my confidant, my girlfriend, and I'm 99% sure you're my mate." His eyes burned into mine. "You didn't, couldn't, hurt anyone, Leanne. And don't ever think you did something so atrocious again."

Tears welled in my eyes, but I looked away from him. I wished I could believe him so badly, but I just couldn't. My lack of memory from my first night as a Werewolf was just too unsettleing for me to be sure.

This is pretty good.
I haven't read many werewolf stories so this would be ineresting if i could read even further.

This is really well written also.
There vry little errors and your descriptions are spot-on.

Pm me if yu are to write more

Thank you

This is a quite interesting story you have here. The way you wrote about Logan is good. I can clearly see his violent, beastly nature. And about the main character, Leanne, I think you also did a fastastic job of describing her as a gentle and passive person, and deeply in love with Logan. The way that she feels about Logan words and actions, and how she let Logan act so violent with her are good details showing those personality traits.

However, there are somethings that I think they need to be review:

Logan pressed his face against my neck. "Please don't leave again." he begged, "I went crazy when you were away. I need you by me."

Why "I need you by me." and not "I need you with me." or "I need you by my side." or just simply "I need you."? I feel that sound better, but it is just my own opinion.

"... I'm 99% sure you're my mate."

99%? Why not 100%? When people are in strong emotion like logan is now, they usually exaggerate things. And also, when someone saying 99% of something, they will usually also mention about the other 1%. Again, this is just my opinion.

That's all for now, beside some small spelling errors that I don't want to mention, you have done a great job in starting a great story!

Hey, Welcome to YWS! Thanks for posting in my thread, and sorry I took so long. I haven't been on YWS for a while. Hmm, okay so you said to be harsh so I'll try. But first the nitpicks...

Arms wound around my stomach

This sentence seems weird to me, like a fragment i suppose. Try to make it smoother. Something like: "Arms were tightly wound around my stomach," or something like that. I'm sure you could do much better. Also I'm not really sure of the spelling of wound....

my natural instict

Instinct. Don't forget, spell check is always handy!

reactionand

Spacing... Remember, good grammar and punctuation makes writing easier to read.

my family and I

Right now, in the midst of all the drama, I don't think mentioning his family is needed. It seems out of place.

anger burning in crystal eyes.

Should be: burning in his crystal eyes.

I cant remember anything

I can't. Plus instead of underlining it you should use italics. It works better.

keep Jeremy and Jamie safe."

Erm, who? If you introduce someone try to use some detail so it will be easier for the reader to understand.

single mean bone in you're body.

Your. Plus this sounds oddly childish. It feels out of place.

And don't ever think you did something so atrocious again.

Um, confusing much? Your using past tense with present and its very confusing. Watch out for that.[quote]

~First Thoughts

First of all, be careful. With all this "Twilight" stuff going on writing about werewolf's and vampires, and a love in between them is hard. I'm not exactly a twilight fan so... yeah. Its kinda like it... When Edward left Bella, like Leanne left Logan. When the family of vampires mostly accept Bella, like the pack of wolfs accept Leanne... Just watch out for those kinds of stuff. Make your story different, make it your own! Make it nothing like Twilight or any other book you read!

~Overall

Besides that it was interesting... But I feel as if you started it in a weird spot and to make it more smooth and less confusing you should describe more. You have a few parts when your imagery is good but you need more description! When Leanne talks about her journey, why she left, expand it! When Logan talks about her don't just say that "You're my girlfriend." That is a bit plain and kind of un-meaningful. I mean, anyone can be his girlfriend and that doesn't make any difference. Maybe, the love of my life, or maybe something not as farfetched but something a bit more meaningful to show that he loves her. Describe it more, expand. This is a really short chapter... Describing it would do wonders...You could do more with the punctuation and grammar. There is a spell check pretty much everywhere you write (If it's online) so use it! It would be so much of a help so people can focus on your story not the mistakes. Overall it was pretty good. With some work it would be grande!


Good luck with this! I hope I wasn't too mean because of my anti-Twilight or whatever. That's just me.

PM me if you have any questions about my review or YWS. Feel free to post in my thread again!
~Storm

I thought it was pretty good.

You just need to add a couple of spaces between words there towards the beginning, two instances I think.

And is this a sequil? I feel like I'm being dropped into the middle of a series, I don't know, just a personal feeling, but you might want to rectify it if this isn't a sequil.

I am the type of person to focus more on the meaning of a work than on its grammar. In my openion if this were a book I would not hesitate to buy it. I felt the passion roaming these two characters and in my openion thats what a story is all about making the reader feal whats going on. I really liked it.