Cypher
"This is gonna be a long day." I looked in the rear view mirror to see police cars screech round the corner.
"Time to try out some of the buttons" i smirked knowingly as Mac gave me a questioning look. I reached forward and opened the glove compartment to reveal rows of buttons labelled in our fathers neat spidery hand writing.
"Ooh, hellfire" i smirked happily reading through the different buttons. "Hmm i wonder what 'ion cannon' does? Ooh," my eyes lit up, litterally, as i spotted the perfect button for our current predicament. "Imp blaster!" I grinned maniacly and thumbed the button. A small screen giving the view of the world behind the car dropped from the ceiling. I lined up with the lead car and hit fire. I smiled as a small blue imp shot from the back of the Hummer and landed on the cars windshield. The imp shook, stood up, crawled under the car and began pulling and biting the chasis. I lined up the other cars in my sight and held down the fire button watching twenty imps of various colours tear up the persuing vehicles. Proud of my handy work I instructed Mac to take us home, and to my surprise, he did.
Back at the house we saw the door was back on its hinges.
"Crap..." I breathed. Then in sync we said the words that would make any self-respecting sons empty the contents of their bladders: "Mom's home." For a moment we just stood in shocked silence before I finally stepped forward and, grasping the cold door handle, I murmured "Here goes..." and opened the door.
Mom was stood on one leg in the centre of the living room, a machete in one hand and a still squawking chicken in the other.
"Hey mom," we said in monotonic unison.
"Where have you two hooligans been? I come home to find the house a state and Cypher you haven't even cleaned that old lady off the wall."
"Why do you always blame me?" I complained. I knew it was me but still...
"Because it was a giant, right hand print I found in her chest."
"Damn it" i muttered under my breath.
"I go to summon your father for a weekend away and all hell breaks loose!"
"That's just a bit of an overstatment don't you think?" said Mac. "If all hell had broken loose we would be conquering Russia at the head of a vast demonic army."
"Yes, I agree with Mac. An interesting choice of words, mom."
"Oh don't go suddenly putting that education we've forced upon you two to some use. Your father and I had to make hundreds of sacrifices just so you could have a better after-life...literally. Don't go using it against us. Now go get ready for tomorrow."
As we trudged off to our bedrooms the inscesent squawking was abruptly cut off by a hard THUD.
"Oh, by the way," I paused just in the doorway of my room, "What's for dinner?"
"Chicken."
