we will dance

two random people get pushed
together and one runs
scared of what together they could be.
what is it about the future that frightens me so
i can hardly breathe, that sends shivers through me
at the thought of 'us' forever?
we're stuck in the throws of a victorian dance
as we spin closer together
then spin apart.
you are my sun, i am the flower, i turn to you
where ever you may be
i am the pupil, you are the teacher,
through you i learn how to truly be me.
But to have you and lose you would destroy me,
and things like that can't be left to chance,
i'm too scared to take that risk and so, forever we will dance,
we will dance


i appreciate all comments, even the ones saying, 'what the hell was that?', so say something, anything, please

have a wonderful day
bluecows

I liked this. I don't know exactly why. Probably partly in the fact that it was sort of mysterious to me. I didn't understand all of it but it sounded cool. It's very beautiful. Good job.

It was very beautiful, and I can relate to it so well. I love how you associated dancing with the beginnings of a relationship and the possibilities of it. You took a cliche phrase and made it your own, although there's only one thing I would change, and I don't usually do this, since I don't like having to change poetry when I like it.

I'd make it just a bit more organized. I really couldn't tell you how, but it feels a little jumbled to me (the lines I mean , not the words or what you tried to portray). Maybe my eyes are just tired. Oh well.

It's awesome, nonetheless!

I like this alot. It was kind of mysterious and it seemed almost to go in circle, like wheeling dancer? I dunno, that sounds really wierd. But I like it. I loved how you repeated "we will dance" at the end. The whole thing was just really cool. Great job.

we're stuck in the throws of a victorian dance
as we spin closer together
then spin apart.
you are my sun, i am the flower, i turn to you
where ever you may be

I really enjoyed these lines. they're very unique; however, the rest of the poem fell into cliche (which we're all guilty of at some point in time).

bluecows wrote:i am the pupil, you are the teacher,
through you i learn how to truly be free.

i must say that bit sounds like a cliche (even to me). i was going to have it about learning how to be me, but i couldn't make it work somehow.

thanks for that though, i glad you guys like it, it's kinda personal to me. lol

bluecows