Competence.

All right guys... I know I've been MIA from YWS for a while and I feel guilty
about crawling back and asking for reviews. But I did a whole bunch of crits before
posting this... so as to be able to deserve you.


Arresting, awe-inspiring competence.
Why, you could speak on and on
forever a silver string of words
too good to touch my cursed ears.
But you would not sully your
voice with such overuse. Your brain
resides inside your head, where it belongs,
though I know that if I could cut it
out and hold it in my hands, it would
be enormous and beautiful.
From now on I will speak in
iambs so as to be able to deserve you.



Sorry for all the disclaimers! But I just typed it the way I wrote it in a little
notebook I have. The line breaks don't really have any rhyme or reason.
How is one supposed to format a prose poem?

Hiya! Sorry, but I always feel as if I shouldn't just jump right in to the review.

But you would not sully your

voice with such overuse. Your brain

I think "voice" should be on the previous line. I like how you put a period and started the next sentence all on the same line, though. I would still put "voice" on the previous line though.

though I know that if I could cut it
out and hold it in my hands, it would

I would try putting "out" on the previous line, too.

From now on I will speak in

I think you should place a comma right after "on".

OK, overall, I think that you just need to work on the line breaks. I found them a bit questionable and confusing, not to mention the fact that they messed up the certain rhythm I felt in the rest of the poem. I think the poem hopped around, so to speak; sort of went from one thing to another. It was a little hard to understand what your actual message was; if I am just being blind and it is obviously displayed, then PM me about it but, if anyone else feels it isn't clear, then I am not the only one.
So! I did like your use of "silver string of words", though I have heard it before. Try being very unique in poetry. It strives for originality.

I did enjoy reading it!

Write on!

~April

Hey there!
I feel like reviewing your poem. One thing first though, I have had no lessons in poetry and have only written it once before. My comments might not be all that great for poetry, but I am good with grammar!
Let's begin. xD

A failed attempt at a Poetry Critique.

I have to agree with April on this one. All I think you have to do is sort out the spacing. I don't know exactly how to format a prose (no duh), but I can get a vague idea of how to make it work out a little bit better, (hopefully).

This is your poem currently.

Arresting, awe-inspiring competence.
Why, you could speak on and on
forever a silver string of words
too good to touch my cursed ears.
But you would not sully your
voice with such overuse. Your brain
resides inside your hear, where it belongs,
though I know that if I could cut it
out and hold it in my hands, it would
be enormous and beautiful.
From now on I will speak in
iambs so as to be able to deserve you.

This is how I would unexpertly set it up. ;D

'Arresting, awe-inspiring competence.
Why you could speak on and on
forever a silver string of words
too good to touch my cursed ears.
But you would not sully your voice,
with such overuse.
Your brain resides inside your hear
where it belongs,
though I know that if I could cut it out
and hold it in my hands,
it would be enormous and beautiful.
From now on, I will speak in iambs
so as to be able to deserve you.'

Pretty epic eh? xD

Some other things I noticed.

Your brain resides inside your hear
where it belongs,

Is the 'hear' supposed to be 'heart'? Because it would make a lot more sense if it was, and not so much sense if it wasn't. xD

From now on, I will speak in
iambs so as to be able to deserve you

I am not quite sure, but is 'iambs' a word? And if so, what does it mean? If it isn't, I would recommend for you to fix it because I have absolutely no idea what it is supposed to be.

Your brain resides inside your hear
where it belongs,

This makes no sense even if 'hear' means 'heart'. How could the brain reside inside the heart? That is not possible! Are you trying to say that their decisions to their choices are directed by their heart? If so, could you clear it up?

The meaning of this was jumbled for me, even though I may have an incapability for understanding the meanings for poetry. All I know is that April was having the same problem. I know for sure that a prose is supposed to be about something if not about 'nothing'. I would like you to clarify that up for me.

Hopefully I was some bit of help.
~Incognito