Friends.....

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Friends Forever....


I felt alone, the rhythm of a sad song,
Then you came along,
Took my hand,
Said you'd be my friend,
You'd be there for me,
Made me believe.......


From then on no one has ever broken our bond,
It stands tall, forever and strong.


We cry for the other,
Laugh with one another......
Cause we trust and believe
Friends are meant to stay and never leave. :D
Last edited by saddy_smiley on Sat May 16, 2009 10:17 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Female
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Hello there! And welcome to YWS!
Okay, to my review. I'm typically not a fan of stanzas built of different lengths, but I think it works for this poem. I was able to read the poem with a natural meter, so that is always good. You have a few instances of slant rhyme in here (hand/friend, me/believe, bond/strong). Usually, you would want to try to keep these down to a minimum. Since your poem is relatitively short, having three of the six rhyme sets be imperfect rhymes takes away a bit. If you are going to limit your word choice by rhyming, then try to pick a sound that works easily with your poem's meaning. There was a sweet message to this. Overall, you did a pretty nice job. Keep writing!
Who did the jedi mind trick on you women when it comes to capri pants? *waves hand* You want a piece of clothing that makes your ass look wider, your legs shorter, and your feet bigger.
-Christopher Titus




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Points 890
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thnx for suggestions!!!!!!

and for the welcome
I will implement the suggestions in my next poem :)



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