Clutched

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PROLOGUE
The pain of losing him was physically hurting me. I folded my arms over each other to keep my heart in my chest. My head repeatedly banged into the wall I was sitting against.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
His shriek of pain hit me with such a force I almost toppled over.
I can’t do this.
Then I was on my feet, running towards death.
Run after him, and you will only kill both of you.
I froze. He’ll live longer if I let them take him, hopefully. But who knows what they’ll actually do to him? I barely know what they are.
Another scream.
I staggered forward, out from the protection of the trees. Into plain sight.
His wild, pained eyes met mine.
“EVE!” he screamed.
Eve!
Then they were gone, as if they hadn’t been there in the first place.
My heart and lungs had disappeared along with them, and I collapsed.
I have to find her.



CHAPTER ONE

“…And congratulations to the class of 08!”
I thrust my hat into the air, just as everyone else did. I faked a laugh and a cheer, when everyone else laughed and cheered.
Last day of high school. Last day of school, period. I had no plans for college; no plans what so ever. I’d barely graduated.
I searched the gigantic crowd until I found my foster-brother, Mike, and his parent’s, my current foster parent’s, Craig and Jewel Jamison. They have very lame names.
My mother died giving birth to me, the doctors told me I somehow cut off her oxygen or something. Whatever, I killed my own mom. My father killed himself, or at least that’s what the police think. He disappeared one night when I was only a couple weeks old, leaving behind everything; including a suicide note. Both of my parent’s parents are dead, and as far as I know, they were both only children. So I’ve lived with some very strange families, which change every few years or so. Though, now that I’m eighteen, I don’t have to live with anyone any more. I almost roll my eyes at myself, except people are watching me and I don’t want to seem like a jerk.
I don’t even have a job, how am I going to get a place of my own?
“Dree! Come on!” Jewel yells at me. I’m going to be late for Mike’s Graduation Party. I squint at her, grab my hat, and then follow them to their SUV. Once in the protection of the car, I slip out of my bright purple graduation robe. I straighten my salmon V-neck shirt and wipe off my black pin-stripped pants. Running my fingers through my long, wavy, stringy, white-blonde hair, I pull out my compact mirror and fix my make up. Just because this party isn’t for me, doesn’t mean it won’t be fun. I notice my eyes are straight gray. They usually tend to be blue, or green. Hmmm…
Mike sees what I’m doing, and rolls his eyes.
”You’re obsessive, I’ve never seen any one who cares about their looks more then you. You’re actually quite hot, with make-up or with out. I’m diggin’ the shirt on you by the way,” he says.
”Ew, shut up Mike. I should get a restraining order against you. Isn’t illegal to hit on someone who lives in your household as a sorta-sibling?” I shudder, my foster brother has a crush on me, he’s harrassed me since I moved in with his family. Creepy, isn’t it?
“We’re not technically related, my parents just have legal rights over you. No law against you and me, babe.”
I scooted farther away from him on the seat, and rest my head against the window until we got back to the Jamison’s residence.



CHAPTER TWO

I sway a little as I take a drink of my cocktail. The music is some remix of a song I don’t feel like remembering the name for. Craig and Jewel may be a little selfish and bitchy at times, but they sure do know how to throw a party. Almost club-like. If this is even still their party, I’m too intoxicated to remember. All I know is that there is music, dancing, alcohol, and hot guys, and I’m ready to party. I go to the middle of the dance floor and move my body. My thighs look incredibly good in the blue and green flashing lights. My shorts don’t cover any of them, and my tank top shows off my cleavage just enough. I grin hugely, throw my hands into the air, and get low, something I’ve seen girls do on the TV. , and always wanted to try. A few guys whistle. I stand back up and move around to the music again. I scan the attendants of this lovely party, and some one catches my eye. He’s leaning against the wall of the garage, just leaning there, watching everything, and everyone. I can’t see his face but I notice he has dark hair, and he’s tall. Tall dark and handsome; every girl’s fantasy. I migrate closer to him, until I’m only a yard in a half away from him. His face is still hidden by the shadows, but I can tell he has dark, olive-toned skin, and he has inviting biceps. There is a cocktail in his hand also. I try to dance a little bit sexier until he finally acknowledges me. Then I smile, and he winks. I move away until I can no longer see him anymore. I refill my drink. I wait a few minutes until heading back over to the guy, but he’s no longer there. I turn around and start dancing as I had before, but now a little glum. For a few minutes my mind is literally blank, then he’s suddenly beside me. Surprised, I smile up at him, “Hey.”
“Hey,” he has a hot voice and he smells very good. I step closer to him. He steps closer to me. We dance,
and dance. We drink, and drink.
We barely talk at all. We kiss, and make out. Some how we make into a bedroom. I don’t know who’s it is. He is wearing a black button-up collar shirt, and very tight gray jeans. I unbutton his shirt. There’s a tank top. I hurriedly pull it over his shoulders and fling it across the room. I hate his pants, they’re too hard to get off, but finally he helps me. We get on the bed. His body is perfect. Dark, and muscular, but not overdone like the workout guys on T.V., just… in shape. I run my hands over his chest and arms. He moves closer to me, and pulls off my skimpy little tank top. I’m not wearing a bra. He kisses me then unbuttons my shorts. We lay down. I smile, and that's when I notice his eyes.


CHAPTER THREE
When I woke up, the first thing I saw was unfamiliar yellow lacey curtains. I was certain I’d
never seen them before. Craig and Jewel had blue curtains. Mike had blinds. I had but one small window that was covered with a black curtain. This room had three large windows. I hadn’t been at the Jamison’s party after all. How’d I get here? I sat up, blinked, and then laid back down.
Ugh.
I buried my head into the pillow.
It took me a few minutes to put together the facts and make a realization.
I’m in a strange bed, I’m hung over, and I’m naked.
Crap. Who’d I sleep with?
I couldn’t remember anything. Barely. There was something just on border of me remembering, something my sub-conscience was trying to tell me perhaps. I couldn’t think about it, and I didn’t feel like thinking about anything at the moment.
I’m naked. And alone.
There was the slow, steady thudding rhythm of music coming from outside. Still? I sit up again, but more slowly this time. Once I’m steadied, I looked around for a clock, which is on a dresser across the room. 7:56. With the blanket wrapped around me, I make my way over to the window and lift it up.
People lay motion-less on the well watered lawn. There was no blood, no signs of attack. I couldn’t concentrate enough on the people to tell if they were dead, so I gather my clothes from around the room, put them on, and then walk out of the bedroom. In a hallway just outside, I go down some stairs and into a dining room. I walk over to a pare of sliding glass doors in the dining room. There was someone lying in front of them, blocking my way outside. I get on my knees and press my head against the cold, hard, but lovely glass. The person was a man, looking to be about my age. There was no rise and fall of his chest, and his face was tinted blue. I thrust open the door, and the man rolls onto my lap without the support of the window being there. I touch his forearm, it’s too cold, and I couldn’t find a pulse on his wrist or neck. He was dead; everyone was. It looked as if everyone just fell down and hadn’t gotten back up.
Why was I the only one still standing?
Over the music, I heard the whiny sound of sirens approaching in the distance.
What would it look like to outsiders, if I were the only one alive?
So with that thought running through my mind, I quickly made my way over to the sidewalk in front of the house, and ran.
Last edited by Evangelinne, Love on Thu May 14, 2009 4:44 am, edited 3 times in total.




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Hi, Evangelinne! I'm going to review your story today.

OK, I liked it, it was really interesting and I want to know what happens. However, I got kind of confused by who was thinking, and who the person narrating it was.

The pain of losing him was physically hurting me.

Initially, my thought was that the MC was a girl, and the boy was being taken away from her

I have to find her.

Then this sentence confused me. If you're writing in first person you can only know the MC's (person narrating's) thoughts. So, I kind of thought maybe this was the guy thinking, but I wasn't sure. Maybe you meant to put him instead of 'her.' Fix this, it confused me. :)

Other then that, I'm interested to see what comes next. Good work.
"Can't stop, won't stop. I must be dreaming."




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What Mhmm said. It's an interesting start, but can you give us more?
"Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music." --anonymous/banner.




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I meant to do that.
That's just something that's going to happen in the future of the story.
To get people hooked on it.
Eve is someone that the MC will be searching for later on, and, well, you'll see. (:




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Hey Evangelinne,

Prologue:
When I first read the beginning paragraph, I thought the girl was in a hospital. Is she? Because I couldn't really tell. But, I do like how you placed in the thoughts of the guy and the chick together. It gives the sense of what they're both thinking. Oh, and I think I can tell what sort of genre this is going to be. But, it's just my thoughts and opinions.

One:
Yes, I do have to agree with you there. Her foster parents names are really lame. Who names there kids that? And my opinion on Mike is that he needs a girlfriend or something like that. Something to keep his mind off of the MC.

Two:
Okay, this wasn't my favorite chapter. Maybe I'm not into the whole party scene.

Anyway, I am planning to read the next part, if you have it up now. I would love to find out what's going to happen after the party.

Melly



The DEPTH of emotions involved in cabbage farming...
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