Quick reminder before I go on: If you use the f-word, you must rate the work R. ^_^
Time period: At first, I thought this was set in the 1600s with the mention of hanging and the tone of the narrator's voice. Then the dialogue, some language ("gonna") the mention of hospital beds and driving put this during modern times. Which is it?
Characters: Who is Arthur, and what is his relationship with Jane? Is he her husband, brother, son, what? Since we have a lot of options, it's very hard to understand any relationship they have.
Jane's voice is a bit unexplained as well. How does she feel as she can't do any of this motherhood stuff? Helpless? Annoyed? Explain how she feels please. ^_^
What did she do: I'm wondering what she did! Or is there more to this and that's explained later?
Overall: I found this confusing, too confusing to really understand. Because I didn't know anything about anybody, it was very hard to get into this.
I do find that the bones of the plot are workable. The plot just needs to be explained more.
Questions? PM me.
~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo
Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
Hi, Rosey. Thanks for the helpful critique, and of course spending some time on my work. Well, you see I meant for it to be set around the fifties/early sixties in England, just when capital punishment was coming to an end. I can see where there might be confusion.
Thing is, it was meant to be murky, confused, to portray Jane's state of mind. It's all her narrative, and the second half is memory. Arthur is her husband, the baby is her son. If what she did is unclear, then I guess I failed.
I don't think you necessarily failed. Your piece has both emotion and black humor behind it, and I was very entertained. However, I agree that the beginning needs to be explained more and the setting made clear. Otherwise, I think you did an excellent job introducing the character and alluding to the reason she's being hanged(If I'm correct in thinking it's something to do with the baby).
Don't give up! You're doing just fine
"And in these moments I swear we were infinite."
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Thanks, girlanachronism. I see what you're saying, and yes, she killed the baby. I really wanted to write more about the act itself but, knowing myself, I feared edging off into a long-winded monologue and losing grip on the whole tone.
Only thing I disagree with you about is, er, black humour? I didn't intend any, lulz. But if there is some, then I can pretend it's a secret level to my writing... I guess
In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's literary and philosophical principles. — Lemony Snicket
