Beautifully Broken.

His hands running up and down her spine, his lips pressed to her neck. Her hands on his chest, her legs wrapped around his perfect body. My heart stopped. My brain refused to register the scene in front of me. My clothes were on the floor, my perfume was on the dresser and the picture of him and I was lying on the floor.
I clenched the key to his house in my hand and tried to fight the tears. Anger coursed through my veins as I watched them, he hadn’t even noticed I was there. Too wrapped up in her. I dropped the key and watched as it seemed to fall in slow motion to the floor.
I stumble down the stairs, my mind is racing and hot tears stung my cheeks.
I grab some paper from an unused writing set, and a pen from the chipped novelty mug.
Dear Jake,
Don’t expect me to come back this time.
I’m not making the same mistake again.
Have fun with her, I hope she’s worth it.
I love you.
Georgia
My scrawled letter looked pathetic as a stuck it to the fridge door. It would be the first place he goes after he's finished with her. The word 'love' was blurred where my tears had fallen onto the page.
I stepped out of the front door and onto the empty street. I’d left my jacket at my house; I wasn’t planning on going home. The sky was grey and the first drops of rain splashed onto my hot face. I looked skywards as a sob rose in my throat, but I did nothing to stop it. I let myself break down, I felt like my world had just come crashing down around me. My breath came in ragged gasps and the rain poured down heavier, soaking me to the skin. At least nobody could see me crying.
I brushed away my blonde hair that was sticking to my forehead and falling into my eyes, I stood alone in the middle of the road as rain continued to fall. I was only wearing a summer t-shirt and shorts. I should’ve been cold but I felt numb. I hoped to see the lights of a car speeding towards me, but the street was dark. I was just another girl.

Hmm. Not bad. Your prose is good, by any means. I'm not a romantic fiction kind of person so you'll have to forgive me if I'm a little harsh, right, let's begin:

First and foremost: Argh! Ominous?! Ominous grey skies. Right. No. Just drop the ominous and it's A OK. Never directly state your pathetic fallacy, it sounds weird. ((I'm not calling you pathetic it's a literary term. xD))

Anyhow, something good. I like the start. In a way, I do, and in another, I hate it. I like it because it has impact, but then I hate it, because it has too much. It's trying too hard.

And then it goes too fast. You've basically expended all your interest in a few paragraphs and I honestly can't see any potential with this. What's she going to do? Wander around? Mope? Find a new man. It just needs some work to gain interest rather than immediately drop it - coming from a romance not-fan, mind, so take it with a pinch of salt.

Erm. What else. Yeah. Er. For some reason the 'chipped novelty mug' thing caught my eye - I like that. It's just a few words but it carried a lot of perosnality. Maybe decribe how she writes it - would there be tears stains on it? Where did you put it? That sort of thing.

And just a personal dig but honestly, what woman collapses on the street - she'd demeaning herself. Unless she's mentally unstable, in which case, good way of portarying it.

Anyway, not bad considering I don't like the genre. It's got potential for people who like that sort of thing - keep working, it could go somewhere.

Thanks I need a good critic like you. My friends are all too 'wow it's amazingly perfect...' rarara.
So yeah thanks. I wasn't sure about some of the bits either. so I'm going to change it now
x

I know how you feel. I have my grandmother to give me tips, a few people to say exactly what they like, and one who would help but is really busy so can't. Otherwise I'm buggered. xD Frustrating, isn't it.

Anyway, I'll check back once you've edited.

I do think it was a little cliche, BUT you can add contrast by doing something unexpected. But the girl being cheated on, then going out in the rain and not feeling the cold is kind of done a lot. I'm not saying that you didn't do it beautifully! Because you absolutely did. I like that she didn't run in screaming and yelling and just went with the subtle approach. I love how the ending leaves you wondering what's she's going to do next. I think you wrote it really really well, just the idea was a little cliche, but you definitely made it your own.