Young Writers Society

Hey Snoink! Thanks for the review on my last poem.
As you know could probably tell, I don't know much about poetry (just an aspiring writer.) So, here is what I though

"and rattles my bones; I am numb and I feel like I cannot
Feel and this terrifies me more than the pain ever will."

I love how you used the capital F. First time through when I read it I stumbled. I found this weird, but when I went back and read it again I kind of like it.

I loved the imagery that you provided, and the kind of gory feeling it gave me.

Thank you, and have a good day.

Hi Snoink, CaptianRandom here
i didn't like this poem, i thought it was to depressing, to many remarks about dieing, even though that's the theme of the poem i thought you could have put some positive things in it. i hope some of your other work is better sorry.

-CaptianRandom

Hi,
I really liked your poem because it had a good use of description, especially when you describe the blood as 'froth' - i thought that was very clever.
Good work.

First off, can I say how much I love getting a point of view like this? I do. I love it. There's nothing wrong with a good poem that has a classic point of view, but take a good poem and give it interesting perspective, and you've really got something. In this, there's more than just an image of what's happening -- there's an image of whom it's happening to, and that makes a huge difference. The fact that you were able to fit that into such a short, concise poem is fantastic.

I am numb and I feel like I cannot
Feel and this terrifies me more than the pain ever will.

This, for example, serves that purpose. It's minor, and it's quite subtle, but there's still this overwhelming feeling of pure humanity behind these two lines. Where the surface of the poem is all physical pain, you've suddenly suggested another level. That's especially important in a poem that relies heavily upon reader interpretation; there's a story in here, somewhere, but it's not necessarily up to you to tell it. There's mystery in the implied dialogue, and in the introduction of the second character. It allows for room to consider a history unmentioned in the actual text.

As far as formatting, I think those two lines are also the best example. Read straight through, the line breaks really add to the mood. Choppy, but not to the point where it detracts from what's actually going on. And, the punctuation! I could hug you! I haven't exactly reviewed a ton of poetry, but I've consistently suggested the use of more punctuation. I think it's one of your strongest tools in poetry, because it's so versatile, so I loved that fact that you broke things up and changed the flow by using semicolons and hyphens. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but they're my best friends.

Well, that was . . . lengthy. In the end, though, I adored this. Really. Great job!

Snoink, I just wanted to say I really enjoyed this. The wording, the imagery, everything. My review is unneeded here, especially because...well, look above at all the other thorough reviews, and so I'll leave this as a fan comment. (SNOINK I LOVE YOU SIGN MY FOREHEAD?!! I kid!)

the piece is rather short i don't particularly get anything from it because the title does say instructions and i don't see any. We must be very careful when choosing title for these more delicate pieces because of the title the poem should have been a little longer the poem was very short and therefore it does not paint a clear picture. It does not teach me anything about dying. Although, i must say it was nice for a small piece kind of gruesome.

Hi Snoink!

First, I was drawn to this poem by the intriguing title. I mean, who wouldn't want to read something titled 'A Lesson in Dying'? (XD) Yet I found much more than I had expected. The imagery in this poem is so vivid it's almost alarming, and you do a fabulous job at creating the dark setting.

Nitpicks:

hydrogen fluoride cutting my marrow until For some reason, the word 'cutting' doesn't sound right. In the next line, you say 'dissolve'. Maybe I'm just being picky, but it sounds like there should be a different word there. Perhaps. . .dissipate?

choke me and I fall deeper into the flask It feels like there should be a comma here. Because without one, it reads like you're using the word 'flask' to describe the HF, and that's not right.

Besides those two tiny things, I absolutely loved it. Bravo.

~BTM

This poem strikes me as really sad and depressing. To me. I don't usually review these types of poems, but this one is good. Because it is descriptive and I like my poems descriptive. And I love the last part about chunks of flesh, and was the girl in this poem death? Because thats what I imagined her as death. but I may be wrong.

Thi is brimming with violent awesomeness. When i saw the "reconstruct it" and "take it" in italics i thought off hissing. I saw shadows when i read this poem, a looming threat. Brilliant. I just wish i was smart enough to figure it out.

This was creepy. I LOVE IT! Based on the narrative, I'm guessing it's suicide by Drain O'?

Oh goodness! First off, I flipped to this after catching your name in something that I was reading. Snoink. haha. Well anyway, when I first read it I instantly thought about Edgar Allen Poe, the morbidness of it was fantastic. I like the set up a lot and the word flow, the descriptions are great. I like it mostly because of the imagery. You're really good.

Nice poem, scared me XD lols But its still amazing and cannot wait for more ^^ Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

The first strike knocks me down.
I choke, tasting blood as it froths in my mouth--
even the clouds blur together, shuddering as another blow comes
and rattles my bones; I am numb and I feel like I cannot
Feel and this terrifies me more than the pain ever will.

Reconstruct it she hisses as she watches me fall.
In her hands are the necessary tools:
the cleaver, the rope, the ax, the gun;
she beckons me closer.
Take it she whispers.
No, I cannot, and I regret it at once because chemicals
choke me and I fall deeper into the flask
hydrogen fluoride cutting my marrow until
I dissolve and the only part left is the
chunks of my flesh, clinging desperately to the
roots of my hair

This kinda scared me. And I thought about death and violence the whole thing. I don't know if you were aiming for that, or what... but I kinda liked it. Nice work.