Apology

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Hey Erica! June here again! Let's have a look at this:

I have said no

with giving it a chance,

and getting to know you.

This stanza sounds a little bit on the oxymoronish side, dear, because it sounds like you are saying, "No, but I will give it chance."

However! I understand that you are saying that you said no after giving it a chance; why not state that clearly?

And which I understand

you are upset

and say you want to be

more than a friend.

Forgive me for sounding rude, but I don't see the point in starting this stanza with "and". I think that you can change it to "I understand;" the extra few words with little meaning aren't giving much substance to this, dearie.

Forgie me, but you weren't my type.

After all you said,

I guess I was right.

^_^ Forgie, in the first line, should be forgive.

I'm confused about the "I guess I was right".

So, I'm guessing you're speaking about a bot here, right? Well, in the end, the boy is saying I guess you were right, or I guess I (the boy) was right? Either way, put the exact statement that this character is making in quotation marks, dearie, so that we know the speaker isn't quite the narrator.

* - * - *


I like how you kept the lines short here. It gave a rather enjoyable way of reading to this, and didn't drag at all or anything. Nice job with that.

While the theme of this (I'm assuming a boy/girl breakup) was not exactly original, I really enjoyed the way this was written. Nice job on this, Erica. Keep it up. ^_^


Juniper

Did you mean for this to sound like "This is Just to Say" by William Carlos Williams? The rhythm is very much like it and you use some of the same phrases. The rhythm was my favorite thing about the poem. I thought the first 2 stanzas were spot on. I agree with June that the third stanza is a bit confusing.

The way it's written, I think you mean: "After all that you said, I guess I was right." Is that correct? But just because of the phrasing and not because of any incorrect punctuation it seems natural that the reader would interpret it as "'After all,' you said, 'I guess I was right.'" But looking at it, that doesn't even make sense in the context of the poem, does it?

Now I'm confused.

Anyway, sorry. I like it.
-rachel

YEs I did. It was a parody for an English class assingment.