They say-I say. Rewritten

Tell me if this is any good. I think it might be a little dry and repetitive.


They say that you are a child.
They say you are inexperienced.
I say age is just a number.

They say that you don't know enough.
They say that you are not ready.
I say we are.

They say that you are weak.
They say that you will fall.
I that say we are strong.

They say that you are too shy.
They say you won't speak up.
I say you are wrong.

They say that you are too small.
All I need is a big heart;
All I need is an open mind.

They say that the door will not open to you.
Nothing will hold me back.
The way to open it, I will find.

They say you are not special.
I say we are unique.
I am one of a kind.

They say they are better.
I say prove it,
and you back down.


Why are you fighting me?
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

We have taken far too much,
Now it’s time to give.

Are you just going to stand there?
Or do you agree with me?

If you will not help then fine!

Just go stand in line,

With the others that just stood around,

With the others that did nothing.

With the others that let the earth die.

With the others;

With them.

I am here to help.
I am here to live.

I am ready.

It is time to solve problems.
It is time to find our place in this world.

It is time.

It is not because we have to.
It is not because we should.
It’s not even because we will,
But because we have the power to.

And they say…

Good.
Go.
Good luck.

Hey SciFiGirl, June here! And I'm going to review this for you the best I can =].


This is good. It may be a bit dry and repetitive as you say in some spots, but that can easily be remedied.

I enjoy how you have a consistent pattern of "They say/They Say/ I say" in the first few lines. It's setting the tone for this, and speaking creatively of independence.


I have one question, though. In the lines that begin with "They Say", you are saying "you". I know that, generally, in speech it is acceptable to raise a thought/question with "you" being the people/person that is being addressed, however! In the next lines you say "we"; I'm not so sure that using "we" is helping with the flow of the poem, dear. If you used "we" instead of "you"in the lines that begin with "they say", then we would have a wonderful flow, as well as a wonderful, clear cut wording.


I also think that you can trim some of this away, dear. For now, it's a bit "wide", kind of spread out in a few places, but! If you cut some of the repetitive lines off and combine those ideas into one line, it is very possible that you can achieve a beautiful, rhythmic flow, and turn this into a masterpiece.

I love the idea of this poem; the reasoning of going is all very clear, very nicely done.

Great job on this poem, dear. And welcome to YWS!

June

Omg, I totally agree with this poem! I feel like this all the time!

Just one question though: I'm not sure if I understood this poem correctly, because in the beginning it seem like your talking about how adults look down on children because of their age, but at the end of the poem, it's like you change topic and suddenly start talking about saving the earth. Or am I just confused? Its happened before... as have stupider things, that would put the best comedian in the world to shame. I know, you think I'm exaggerating, right? Well, I'm not. Not even a little bit. T_T

Anyway, I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem other than the things that June pointed out, except that there's a part in the poem when you pressed the enter key one too many times. Not that that really matters, but just thought you might want to know.

See ya around the site!

~Claery