Once Upon a Morning

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The wind blew through my golden red hair as I sat in the wet green grass as I watched the sun rise slowly. I didn’t know why the sun attracted me so, maybe it was that the bright colors of orange and pink made me forget my misery, or maybe because it gave me time to think. I wasn’t exactly sure at the time.

I closed my eyes taking in the peacefulness of the park. There wasn’t a sound but my steady breathing and the wind whisking through my hair. It seemed as if I was living some sort of fairy tale when my eyes were closed even though I knew in reality I was miles from that.

Birds started to chirp interrupting my peaceful daydreams. I opened my eyes and got off of the cool wet grass where I spent my night watching the stars. I sat up seeing a figure standing several yards away. It looked familiar, but somehow far away, like it was out of my reach.
Last edited by sparkle8744 on Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1454
Reviews 17
It's definetly really short, but i dont know how to add anything to it. Maybe yal can help. Also the title is 'Once Upon a Morning'. I forgot to put that.




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Points 14170
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Hello sparkle,
Welcome to YWS, the best site evah. Hopefully you’ll like it here and find a nice snuggly spot for yourself.

Mmm, but before I say anything about your story – you have to critique at least two other pieces for someone before actually posting anything of your own. For every one story you post, two reviews must be written. So, you’re indebted for two critiques, but that can be easily remedied. Just remember ^.~

Also, if you want to add/change a title, or edit your story in any way, all you have to do is press "edit", which is somewhere in the righ upper hand corner.


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There are only three paragraphs, so not much to say. More of an introduction to something bigger, I’m guessing. First sentence, though: there’s “as” two times in that one sentence. Rephrase, maybe. Other than that – I can definitely imagine the setting, yes, so description is a nice touch. About the MC – well, I don’t have enough to work with.

You leave us with a mysterious cliffhanger ending, yes? Make sure you write more!


Esme



I'm a fledgling potato bird that lives in a nest in the rp forums
— Ley