An "Ode" to Whaling

Okay so here's my Ode to Whaling. Sorry if it's pitifully bad I've never written a poem before. Also sorry if I got my old English wrong!



An “ode” to Whaling
Thou’s acts art heartless and evil.
What a MAN, how handsome.
As thou’s rusty, god forbidden ship
Creeps across the ominous, enraged sea,
The sky is darkening
Black clouds creep across the sky
The sun hides behind the clouds
As quick as a flash, as if it, too are hiding
From this thing of evil
I feel as if death is approaching
Thou’s ship makes me feel sickly
Thou’s ship makes me feel ill

It creeps closer and closer
And I hear the whales’ wailing
And crying
They’re taking their last breath
Before they ascend into the vast sea in the sky
The cries of the calves to their mothers, as they, too
Take their last spout
Thou’s actions makes me feel sickly
Thou’s actions makes me feel ill

I see your burly arms hoist the sails
A work of art
Thou’s eyes are a dark color, almost crimson
Gorgeous
But there is something I feel, that gives me a sense of…
Evil
Thou’s word are harsh and frightening
There’s something about you on the inside that
Doesn’t make me feel right.
You’re wearing a plastic smile
Thou’s presence makes me feel sickly
Thou’s presence makes me feel ill

I smell the sweat and effort
That you put into the
Slaughter of a creature
How MANLY
You are strong and you are bold
And you are handsome
But never again
Will I praise your blood and your tears
As this harpoon pierces my side


That wasn’t much of an ode was it 0_0 but I thought it was okay, I guess.

It's a not a bad poem, especially not for a first try. Yes-- you get the old English wrong-- thou should be thine, in the way you're using it here, but I like your description, although it was a little basic. There doesn't seem to be much of a pattern to the stanzas, so I would suggest you try rewriting it in a more structured poetic form, like a sonnet or a villanelle.

I like your capitalization of MAN and MANLY in the first and last stanza, that gives a subtle hint of sarcasm that really works well. In general, nice poem!
~Trikky

Thanks! I had a feeling I got the pl english wrong. I'll take your advice

Wow. Nice poem; it's great! Yes, the old English is a little funky in there sometimes, but, other than that, it's wonderful! Nice work, with a very strong, true message. I don't have many nit- picks besides the advice to you to add in some periods and commas; think of these as sentences. Lay these lines out in one line. Then re- write them to look like proper sentences, and add in the proper punctuation. Then, break them into lines again, exactly where you broke them before, and then see how they look! Not sure this will work for you, but it works for me

Very nice, especially for your first try ! I love the figurative language used, but be careful! In some spots it doesn't seem that they quite fit. Use personalization, metaphors, similes, and figurative language carefully! You did a great job with them though

I hope I helped somewhat!

You did, peanutgallery! Thanks, I'll do that!

That was great . But I have a suggestion;

Gorgeous

But there is something I feel, that gives me a sense of…

Evil

Thou’s word are harsh and frightening

Thou's word are harsh... should be the line of a new stanza. I like the 'one word' thing, does that have a name? But for some strange reason my mind tells me that you should start a new stanza.

Awesome poem!