Buried

Buried

I feel the rain.
It falls on my body,
Tracing
my every outline

Like memories past,
Coming
back from the dead,
Flooding
into my every fiber,
Breaking
the walls that held me up.
And I crumble.

Falling
into the rushing wet below me,
Feeling
nothing but remorse, anguish,
chest splitting pain:
for what I never got to say.
Is this what it feels like to be buried?

I love you.



ok there it is I'm not sure if the format on this is okay but whatever. I don't know what I'm trying to say lol do your darndest

I like it.
It isn't too emo bit I think you have it in you. haha.
Good poem, I liked the formate but who knows, it's 5 in the morning and I've been up all night.
But bottom line, good poem. Keep up the good work.

Hi break my heart! I'm Kat, nice too meet you ^^
Let's get on to your review!
This poem is very simple and cute.

I feel the rain. ;
It falls on my body,
Tracing
my every outline

Now, correction on punctuation are in bold. The third line is a bit off flow. Try adding just one more syllable.

I'm sorry. I don't have much too say. Your second and third stanza re lovely. The only thing you need to adjust is your rhythm, nothing more. Cute and simple.

Feel free to PM me if you need anything!
*Kat*

Hey Ash ^^ Shina here (finally)... You were right about the lack of reviews, hopefully I can make up for it @_@

First Impressions: I like the idea here ^^ It's short and simple when you just glance at it, but once you look closer you find a deeper meaning. Ignore the other people's whole emo comment. Just because a poem is not happy and about rainbows and joy does not mean it's "emo"; it's actually called reality. I think people like the honesty in your poems. The only reason people aren't swarming to this is probably because they're busy with school or life or something.

The format of the poem didn't seem to click at first, but I was able to understand it later. Though I liked the idea, I think they weren't expressed to their full potential. Show and don't tell! The most common as well as the hardest rule. Don't change the simplicity of your poem, rather, enhance the briefness. Expand on certain subjects, create images, use imagery. You're a real great poet and do not forget that!

Sorry my review couldn't be full in detail and all that @_@ I'm short on time. If you'd like anymore help with this one, just PM me

-Shina