Seven Letters

Author's Note:
I decided not to put this in Romantic Fiction,
Because 'romance' doesn't really sound like one of the themes in this story.
Inspired by listening to Avril Lavigne's "When You're Gone".
And the date 9th August, which is coincidentally my country's National Day,
Is also the date of my great-grandmother's passing. Two years ago.
This story is dedicated to my great-grandfather, who still lives and must miss his wife very much.
I'll need help on this, because I feel like I'm going around in circles and boring all who read it.
Hopefully I have managed to capture the feelings I have intended here.
----------
9th August 1998

My dearest wife, today you leave me.

"Till death do us part…"

I still remember those vows we exchanged. It seemed like just yesterday we were on our honeymoon in Rome. You looked so beautiful in your turquoise sundress and your eyes…they sparkled with life.

Even now, as you sleep peacefully like an angel, death has not taken away your loveliness. It has only captured it, sealing it in a permanent picture.

It has only been fifty four years…much too little a time. I wish I could have spent more time with you. I held your hand as we said our final goodbyes. They are as soft as they were when I first danced with you during our Senior Prom. But the warmth…it is gone. Your hands are cold.

Dearest, I have cried till my tears have run dry. I have broken my promise to you, when I asked you to marry me.

Do you remember what you said?

Are you here with me, darling, watching over me?

I don’t like the silence. It is a constant reminder that I am alone. I already miss the tinkling laugh that you make, that sweet, joyful smile you save, just for me. Every day.

I love you…Meredith.
**********

9th August 1999

A year has passed. A year exactly, since you were gone.

Time has not healed me, Meredith. I yearn for you so, so much. Every second that you aren’t with me feels like a stranger. Like an unpleasant, unfamiliar touch that I try to recoil from.

The days crawl, my dear. I sit in our room, listless. Christine tells me to get out for some fresh air, but I don’t want to. I prefer it here, where it reminds me most of you.

On the bed, where we used to lie together every night, holding each other safe. Sometimes I would circle my arms around you in an embrace, and spend minutes watching you rest. The gentle rise and fall of your chest, the untroubled look on your face. I would smile, feeling like the luckiest man alive, before closing my eyes and joining you in the land of dreams.

At the dressing table, where you would apply some make up and turn to beam at me, asking me if you look fine. You never look fine, Meredith. You are always a picture of absolute beauty.

By the bookshelf, on our sofa, where we would spend endless hours sitting together. I’d be reading the paper, a cup of coffee in my hand. You would be reading Jane Austen, your gorgeous waves splayed on my lap where your head lay.

Meredith, I long for you. Take me with you, please…

Because I would rather not live, if living means I’d have to be without you.
**********

9th August 2000

Most beloved Meredith, I enter the new millennium, with you absent by my side.

Why have you not claimed me, Meredith? Do you not want me there with you?

I can feel your presence, watching over me like a guardian angel. Even in death, you worry for me. My health fails, and I have no wish to delay my departure from this world. Our daughter, she is just like you. Such a stubborn girl, that Christine. Our grandchildren are just like her. They force me to seek treatment.

Tanya, you remember Tanya, don’t you? Christine’s eldest child. She has completed her medical courses. A doctor, just like you had once been. I am very fond of Tanya. Christine didn’t have them, but she passed it on. Those brilliant green eyes of yours. Like a fresh meadow, glistening like morning dew under sunlight.

Sometimes, at night, I try to fall asleep without you in my arms. Such an empty feeling. I want to hear your melodic voice whisper in my ears: ‘Good night, Oliver.’

But no, it is not your voice that lulls me to sleep, but my sobs.
**********

9th August 2001

The doctor says my heart is failing. I tell him that it is not failing, but merely broken.

Three years...it feels more like thirty years.

Your clothes have lost your scent, but I will never forget it. A sweet blend of honeysuckle and lavender powder. It is my favourite perfume. Your pictures, our pictures, they do nothing to alleviate my pain. They only make me long for you even more.

I apologise, Meredith. It seems that keeping my promise will be harder than I believed. Letting go is not easy, I have learnt.

Letting go of the person I love the most is too difficult, Meredith. I don’t want to do it…but I must, am I right, dearest? It would be your fondest wish to see me do so.

I will try, I will try my best. Still, know this:

I love you, and if there is life after this, I will still continue to love you, even in death, I will look for you. Then, we can live in everlasting happiness together.

The only comfort I have is that I feel that my end is near, and I will soon be with you again. Wait for me… Meredith.
**********

9th August 2002

Beloved Meredith,

I have been selfish. Your daughter and grandchildren, they miss you too.

Christine recently celebrated her thirty fifth anniversary with Paul. Their children have sent them on a cruise to Alaska.

Great news, my dear. Tanya had given birth to a healthy baby boy a month ago. Mother and child are doing well. Like his mother, little Thomas has your mesmerising green eyes. Dylan is all grown up as well. He has gone into law, and is engaged to an exceptional young lady.

Tanya says that my health is picking up. Perhaps, our meeting will have to be delayed for a while. Christine was shocked when I told her, she thought I was becoming suicidal.

No, I will not resort to that for it would upset and disappoint you greatly, Meredith. I know that.

Yet a sooner than later departure from this world, I will always hope for.

Five years have passed but my love for you has never waned…

…And it never will.
**********

9th August 2003

I love you, Meredith Gillian Parker.
**********

9th August 2004

It has taken me seven years, but I have finally emerged triumphant in my battle to keep my promise to you.

Today, I visited your resting place. It was not the last visit, but the last time I would be sad. No more, Meredith.

I brought our favourite Domaine Romanée-Conti ’42. We toasted to a happier life for me, and a peace of mind for you. I brought you your favourite flowers, like the ones at our wedding. White dasies.

I talked about life since you left, how things have changed in the world, while you sat there quietly listening. On the cool marble, your breathtaking beauty smiled up at me.

You have every reason to smile, Meredith.

From henceforth, I will no longer shed tears of sadness. I will no longer drown myself in misery. I will live, for both of us. If I shed tears, they will be in happiness.

I will not cry because you have left, but I will smile…

…Because you lived.

Well, Hello there, Meep! June here!

Have I ever reviewed you before? Seriously? I don't think I have. I think I would remember? Oh wait, I did. But it was art, wasn't it?

Anyway, Meep! I absolutely love this piece. It's so sweet-- nothing like the usual romance stuff that bubbles up from writers these days. (Though it does belong in Romantic fiction...)

Okay, so the main thing I want to point out to you is, in your usage of ellipsis' you often forget to hit the space bar, ja? It's like this:

"I wish...I would...I could..."

When it should be:

"I wish... I would... I could..."

Understand, dearie? It's a simple thing to remember, but punctuation's always fussy anyway, so it's nothing major.


Anyway, I really love how you used dates that pertain to situations of people in your life, dear. It's giving this story a sweeter, more personal touch. (I don't know what it is with me, but I love it when people personalize their stories by contrasting with or using real life experiences).



So, now for the story:


I think that it is well written. Some may say that this can use grammar fixing and whatnot, but don't. The way that it's written is giving the character a voice, which is clearly defined, and if you change anything, you will ruin the overall effect of the story.


Let me point this out, dear.

I talked about life since you left, how things have changed in the world, while you sat there quietly listening. On the cool marble, your breathtaking beauty smiled up at me.

This confused me. At first, I was thinking you meant, "I have talked about life after you left."

But, now, I'm assuming that the narrator means "I have talked about how life has been after you left."?

Just clarify that, dear, so your audience won't stumble.

* - *

I really like how you didn't use the word "died/dead" throughout this. It's kind of symbolizing the man's denial, as if he can still have his wife back, even though he can't (until he joins her of course).

Now! When I came to the very last line of this story, I was reminded of the song, "Because you live"; that's okay, but it kind of gave a modern day touch to this, almost as if it was someone much younger than he. We understand how old he is from the amount of years he's been married. I'm not so sure that I like this "because you lived part", because this phrase is used more in modern times than it was in the past, and considering his age, he would most likely adhere to the olden ways, ja?

And, yes. That's just me being super picky.



Meep(: You did an absolutely fantastic job on this, dear. I'm gold starring this; it deserves it.

Well done.

June

springrain2693 wrote: Anyway, Meep! I absolutely love this piece. It's so sweet-- nothing like the usual romance stuff that bubbles up from writers these days. (Though it does belong in Romantic fiction...)

Haha, that was the reason why I didn't want to post it there. It's not only about love, there's also death, parting, sorrow, etc... And it didn't feel right to place this piece in a forum full of teenage romance ._.

Okay, so the main thing I want to point out to you is, in your usage of ellipsis' you often forget to hit the space bar, ja?

O_O Sorry June! I normally don't miss that out O:

Some may say that this can use grammar fixing and whatnot, but don't. The way that it's written is giving the character a voice, which is clearly defined, and if you change anything, you will ruin the overall effect of the story.

Yay! I agree. I didn't want the grammar to be perfect

Let me point this out, dear.

I talked about life since you left, how things have changed in the world, while you sat there quietly listening. On the cool marble, your breathtaking beauty smiled up at me.

This confused me. At first, I was thinking you meant, "I have talked about life after you left."

But, now, I'm assuming that the narrator means "I have talked about how life has been after you left."?

Just clarify that, dear, so your audience won't stumble.

Umm, let's see... Oliver (The MC) is writing about him visitng her grave, and he talked to the... gravestone, or rather the picture on it, as if she were still alive and listening to him. He was talking about events that happened since she left. Giving her updates on his life, reassuring her that he's doing fine and so are their family (Perhaps I should have elaborated XD)

I'm not so sure that I like this "because you lived part", because this phrase is used more in modern times than it was in the past, and considering his age, he would most likely adhere to the olden ways, ja?

And, yes. That's just me being super picky.

Picky is good
Now that you brought it up... you're right, it does sound too modernised.
Any idea how to end it off in the 'olden' ways? XD

Meep(: You did an absolutely fantastic job on this, dear. I'm gold starring this; it deserves it.

Well done.

June

Thanks June! You've really helped me out a lot (I will have to return that favour someday )
*cookies and hugs*

~Have a great day!
Meep(:

Eep, a request! I'm... honored!


Grammar & Line-by-line Comments:

I held your hand as we said our final goodbyes. They are as soft as they were when I first danced with you during our Senior Prom. <---Perhaps this was intended, but you go from saying "hand" to "they". The pronoun doesn't agree with its antecedent there. Also, you jumped tenses in the two sentences. Again, perhaps this was intended, as it is a fictional letter written by an elderly man.

Sometimes I would circle my arms around you in an embrace[s],[/s] and spend minutes watching you rest.

Most beloved Meredith, I enter the new millennium, with you absent by my side.

Why have you not claimed me, Meredith? Do you not want me there with you?

I can feel your presence, watching over me like a guardian angel. Even in death, you worry for me. My health fails, and I have no wish to delay my departure from this world. Our daughter, she is just like you. Such a stubborn girl, that Christine. Our grandchildren are just like her. They force me to seek treatment.

Tanya, you remember Tanya, don’t you? Christine’s eldest child. She has completed her medical courses. A doctor, just like you had once been. I am very fond of Tanya. Christine didn’t have them, but she passed it on. Those brilliant green eyes of yours. Like a fresh meadow, glistening like morning dew under sunlight.

Sometimes, at night, I try to fall asleep without you in my arms. Such an empty feeling. I want to hear your melodic voice whisper in my ears: ‘Good night, Oliver.’

But no, it is not your voice that lulls me to sleep, but my sobs.
**********

9th August 2001

The doctor says my heart is failing. I tell him that it is not failing, but merely broken.

Three years...it feels more like thirty years.

Your clothes have lost your scent, but I will never forget it. A sweet blend of honeysuckle and lavender powder. It is my favourite perfume. Your pictures, our pictures, they do nothing to alleviate my pain. They only make me long for you even more.

I apologise, Meredith. It seems that keeping my promise will be harder than I believed. Letting go is not easy, I have learnt.

Letting go of the person I love the most is too difficult, Meredith. I don’t want to do it…but I must, am I right, dearest? It would be your fondest wish to see me do so.

I will try, I will try my best. Still, know this:

I love you, and if there is life after this, I will still continue to love you, even in death, I will look for you. Then, we can live in everlasting happiness together.

The only comfort I have is that I feel that my end is near, and I will soon be with you again. Wait for me… Meredith.
**********

9th August 2002

Beloved Meredith,

I have been selfish. Your daughter and grandchildren, they miss you too.

Christine recently celebrated her thirty fifth anniversary with Paul. Their children have sent them on a cruise to Alaska.

Great news, my dear. Tanya had given birth to a healthy baby boy a month ago. Mother and child are doing well. Like his mother, little Thomas has your mesmerising green eyes. Dylan is all grown up as well. He has gone into law, and is engaged to an exceptional young lady.

Tanya says that my health is picking up. Perhaps, our meeting will have to be delayed for a while. Christine was shocked when I told her, she thought I was becoming suicidal.

No, I will not resort to that for it would upset and disappoint you greatly, Meredith. I know that.

Yet a sooner than later departure from this world, I will always hope for.

Five years have passed but my love for you has never waned…

…And it never will.
**********

9th August 2003

I love you, Meredith Gillian Parker.
**********

9th August 2004

It has taken me seven years, but I have finally emerged triumphant in my battle to keep my promise to you.

Today, I visited your resting place. It was not the last visit, but the last time I would be sad. No more, Meredith.

I brought our favourite Domaine Romanée-Conti ’42. We toasted to a happier life for me, and a peace of mind for you. I brought you your favourite flowers, like the ones at our wedding. White dasies.

I talked about life since you left, how things have changed in the world, while you sat there quietly listening. On the cool marble, your breathtaking beauty smiled up at me.

You have every reason to smile, Meredith.

From henceforth, I will no longer shed tears of sadness. I will no longer drown myself in misery. I will live, for both of us. If I shed tears, they will be in happiness.

I will not cry because you have left, but I will smile…

…Because you lived.[/quote]

Eep, a request! I'm... honored!


Grammar & Line-by-line Comments:

I held your hand as we said our final goodbyes. They are as soft as they were when I first danced with you during our Senior Prom. <---Perhaps this was intended, but you go from saying "hand" to "they". The pronoun doesn't agree with its antecedent there. Also, you jumped tenses in the two sentences. Again, perhaps this was intended, as it is a fictional letter written by an elderly man.

Sometimes I would circle my arms around you in an embrace[s],[/s] and spend minutes watching you rest.

Christine didn’t have them, but she passed it on. Those brilliant green eyes of yours. <---Again, this could be an intended mistake. I like the effect it gives, the man obviously stumbling a bit.

9th August 2002

Beloved Meredith,

I have been selfish. Your daughter and grandchildren, they miss you too.

Christine recently celebrated her thirty fifth anniversary with Paul. Their children have sent them on a cruise to Alaska.

Great news, my dear. Tanya had given birth to a healthy baby boy a month ago. Mother and child are doing well. Like his mother, little Thomas has your mesmerising green eyes. Dylan is all grown up as well. He has gone into law, and is engaged to an exceptional young lady.

Tanya says that my health is picking up. Perhaps, our meeting will have to be delayed for a while. Christine was shocked when I told her, she thought I was becoming suicidal.

No, I will not resort to that for it would upset and disappoint you greatly, Meredith. I know that.

Yet a sooner than later departure from this world, I will always hope for.

Five years have passed but my love for you has never waned…

…And it never will.
**********

9th August 2003

I love you, Meredith Gillian Parker.
**********

9th August 2004

It has taken me seven years, but I have finally emerged triumphant in my battle to keep my promise to you.

Today, I visited your resting place. It was not the last visit, but the last time I would be sad. No more, Meredith.

I brought our favourite Domaine Romanée-Conti ’42. We toasted to a happier life for me, and a peace of mind for you. I brought you your favourite flowers, like the ones at our wedding. White dasies.

I talked about life since you left, how things have changed in the world, while you sat there quietly listening. On the cool marble, your breathtaking beauty smiled up at me.

You have every reason to smile, Meredith.

From henceforth, I will no longer shed tears of sadness. I will no longer drown myself in misery. I will live, for both of us. If I shed tears, they will be in happiness.

I will not cry because you have left, but I will smile…

…Because you lived.[/quote]

Eep, a request! I'm... honored!


Grammar & Line-by-line Comments:

I held your hand as we said our final goodbyes. They are as soft as they were when I first danced with you during our Senior Prom. <---Perhaps this was intended, but you go from saying "hand" to "they". The pronoun doesn't agree with its antecedent there. Also, you jumped tenses in the two sentences. Again, perhaps this was intended, as it is a fictional letter written by an elderly man.

Sometimes I would circle my arms around you in an embrace[s],[/s] and spend minutes watching you rest.

Christine didn’t have them, but she passed it on. Those brilliant green eyes of yours. <---Again, this could be an intended mistake. I like the effect it gives, the man obviously stumbling a bit.

White dasies. <---Isn't it spelled "daisies"?

…Because you lived. <---Very sweet ending.

Language Usage & Writing Style: I thought the writing style was nice and effective, darling. I thought that if those little things I mentioned in the above section were intentional, that they gave a very nice, real image.
You know what would make it a bit more realistic for me? If he wrote about tear drops staining his letters, or an aroma of someone cooking for him. I'd like little details such as that, something he might tell his wife on a day-to-day basis, you know?

Imagery & Emotion: This was a letter, but the emotion of this man came forth so strongly, Meep. It was great. I understand his denial through his words. I know that he longs to be with his wife once again. Good job on that.
Your imagery. The way he described things, I liked it. I think you could have added in just a few more hints of description, making them more outside of the box, something that's so obvious that it's not. What he ate that day, per example. It doesn't necessarily have to be that, but you get the point.

Overall & Some Tips: Great job, darling. I really enjoyed this piece.
Perhaps you could add a bit more of his "fond recollections" to the letters, something he might have done recently that reminded him of something she used to do. It would show that the tiniest, most obvious, everyday things remind him of his deceased wife. Great way to show denial.
Er, otherwise, I really don't see how it could be that much improved, darn it!

My main tip is adding more things that he relates to memories of her, which is what everything I've been talking about relates to.

Gold star for you, darling!

Love,
Music

Aww, Meep.

You had me in tears. No joke. *pulls out hankie*
This is the shortest thing I've ever read that has made me tear up; it was executed beautifully in a way that made the whole story seem completely personal.

Prepare for a sparkling review from Pop! I don't get to use these often. ^^

Alright - the format of this story is what immediately won me over. I'm a sucker for letters; you can easily express your characters' feelings without it being too vague or too much. Your main character, Oliver, is a fantastic narrator.
I love his voice - his total devotion and love towards Meredith was completely apparent, but not cheesy or overbearing in the least. You managed (for me, anyways) to truly make it sound like a heart broken lover, rather than a series of angst-filled notes.

My favorite part (and coincidentally, the most powerful) was the entry for August 9th, 2003. The simple "I love you" was absolutely lovely.
Especially being the letter just before he decided to give up his misery - that's what really did it for me.
It's like he's too depressed to write a letter to Meredith this year - like he's almost given up completely...
... or that he's finally starting to move on, and embrace the fact that she is gone. We, the audience, don't know which one is the actual situation, and we're left completely dependent on the last few paragraphs. Brilliant move, there.

As for the closing line, I thought it was absolutely heartbreaking in the sweetest of ways. I really don't see how the line seems "modernized" at all; It seemed to fit perfectly to me. Even if it does seem like a more modern term, I think it's safe to say there is no other way you can word that last line to make it so lovely.

See? Absolute praise. ^_^
This was too good, though. Gold star for sure.

Fantastic work, Meepster! Thank you so much for the wonderful read!


Pop

Thanks for the request, Meepity darling! I hope I can be of assistance. I don't think I've ever read anything fo yours either, and I'm looking forward to it.

*



Oh my goodness, Meep. That was amazing. Really, the raw emotion you managed to squeaze into those couple of letters-- brilliant. I don't know how you did it, but I really really want to.

I too, was in tears from the very first line. The first and the last couple of paragraphs were pure and wonderful in every way, with that lovely simple sadness that can overwhelm someone, and take over their life. I only have a couple of suggestions, alright? ^^

Dearest, I have cried till my tears have run dry. I have broken my promise to you, when I asked you to marry me.

Do you remember what you said?

You never do tell us what she said, actually, but I'm curious. What promise did he make her? I think you really should include this somehow. It would make those lines all the more powerful, becuase then the reader would know what promise was broken, what words were left unfulfilled.

Ellipses

Honestly, I think you used too many of them. Perhaps you meant to do this to characterize your narrator and the fact that these are letters, but still. When writing a letter, do you really use the 'dot dot dot' thing so often? No, I don't think so. Sentence fragments, surely. An overload on commas, of course. But ellipses? I know that I never think you add ellipses when I'm writing a letter to a loved one. I just try to get those emoptions on paper, not mess around with format and such. I think the last line, especially, doesn't need the ellipses. It detracts from the overall simplicity and effect.

*

This was brilliantly written, Meep, love, and I've got to admit I was not expecting this from you. Although I do agree that, even with your note at the top, it does belong in Romantic Fiction. (You can start saving that forum from all the Twilight-wannabes! )

I don't give out many gold stars, love. Really, ask anyone. But this? Yes, this gets a star. ^^

Thanks for the request. I'm honored you asked my opinion.

~Evi

Thank you Music, Pop & Evi!!!
I love you girls (:
I've still got lots to improve on apparently XD
*cookies*

~Love,
Meep(:

anti-pop wrote:Aww, Meep.

You had me in tears. No joke. *pulls out hankie*
This is the shortest thing I've ever read that has made me tear up; it was executed beautifully in a way that made the whole story seem completely personal.

Pop

Same here, I was trying to eat my lunch without crying into it. This piece of work was so beautiful I have absolutely nothing bad to say.

You asked me to tear this apart. How could I? There is so little to critique, because everyone beat me here, and this is just a wonderful story in itself! Well, what little I can do, here goes;

Dearest, I have cried till my tears have run dry.

I'm pretty sure "till" isn't a word, at least in the form/ situation you are using it in. Until would be just fine, I think.

But the warmth…it is gone.

There should be a space after the little dots and the word... if that makes sense. Also, you started with the deadly but.

I will try, I will try my best.

This doesn't sound quite right... probably due to the very close together repetition.

White dasies.

*murmurs* daisies is misspelled...

I will not cry because you have left, but I will smile…

…Because you lived.

How dare you! Actually, it is not your fault, but I thought this meant she lived and he was imagining something or other... it scared me. Then, I realized, it was a figure of speech.

I haven't used any smileys in this, not because I don't want to, but because it isn't suitable for this story. You amaze me with this... this... masterpiece. (Not a good enough word, if you ask me).

It always seems the true stories are the best stories. You framed this perfectly.

And the date 9th August, which is coincidentally my country's National Day,
Is also the date of my great-grandmother's passing. Two years ago.
This story is dedicated to my great-grandfather, who still lives and must miss his wife very much.

Please, please give your great- grandfather my best of wishes. I am very sorry about your great- grandmother.

Wonderful job, dear.

Hi Meep! I'm here as requested, dear.
I am very sad to say I won't have many things to say. This wonderful piece has already been very well criticized, and I will only add some more comments.

It seemed like just yesterday we were on our honeymoon in Rome.

This lines appears to either have a word missing or some punctuation. Maybe a comma or semi-colon between 'yesterday' and 'we'.

Even now, as you sleep peacefully like an angel, death has not taken away your loveliness. It has only captured it, sealing it in a permanent picture.

So sweet!

I already miss the tinkling laugh that you make, that sweet, joyful smile you save, just for me. Every day.

This is beautiful. I just believe that instead of being 'make' it should be made.

On the bed, where we used to lie together every night, holding each other safe.

It seems you haven't finished your beginning thought. When you say 'something something' and then comma for some additional information, you usually explain the first part of the sentence. Like: 'When we walked, towards the beach, a dog ran into us.' Am I making myself clear?

Sometimes I would circle my arms around you in an embrace, and spend minutes watching you rest.

I believe there's a comma missing after 'sometimes'. On, and for a more dramatic effect I would replace 'minutes' with moments'; it sounds more poetic. anyway, just a thought. It's lovely as it is

Why have you not claimed me, Meredith? Do you not want me there with you?

That's so sad. It really transmits his despair.

I will try, I will try my best.

peanut has already pointed it out, but I believe the solution for this is instead of a comma a period.

If I shed tears, they will be in happiness.

I believe 'in' should be 'of'.

And that's it! A reasonable review, I hope. Again, Meep, you magnify me with your work, This is perfectly written, you captured emotion very well. I can most certainly picture it, and it reminds of what my grandmother must fell, when she's reminded of my grandfather, who passed away. Again, I am very sorry for your lost.
Continue the good work, and feel free to request more reviews, if you wish.
*Kat*