Blinded by Darkness

The lights go out
I'm blinded by darkness
Like black tar oozing into my head
I'm scared
And I'm alone
And it's cold
The night breaths its death wind on me
My spine shivers in slow motion
The buzz of insects sounds
Like the scree of a monster
Skipping on a record
Rows of cool metal clink in the night
Late night cars hum by on the main road
A siren sounds in the distance
It yells of another life in peril
Along with mine

The buzz of insects sounds
Like the scree of a monster
scream? screech?

It seemed very broken and disconnected, as if you would say one idea and then jump to another. Also, all the similes and metaphors seemed kind of random. It kind of seemed like you were trying to describe a night that you felt like writing a poem about, but then the descriptions of the metaphors/similes kind of ran away with you and left the poem as a whole sort of empty.

If by 'random' you mean that her similes and metaphors weren't cliche, I'd say that you're right. If you meant it in a bad way, you're definitely wrong. This was totally uber awesome to the uber-extreme!

"Scree of a monster"? I've never heard that before, so it must be sucky. Do you mean scream? I totally can't figure out what scree would be.

some people totally need imagination. I love this, Ellen. Really really good job.

Looks like I must explain "scree." It's always been in my vocabulary... it must be one of those regional things. It's like scream but not so screechy and rough. It's like a mix between a hum and scream I guess. It just what the crickets sounded like because there were so many it just became more of the the hum/scream sound making scree. Happy now? Lol.

Who cares? Not only was this piece devoid of all emotional sympathy, but it also lacked any kind of coherent synthesis of ideas. Your images and metaphors were weak, if not entirely lost on me. For instance, the metaphor between L2 and L3 is too disconnected -- unrelatable. The imagery is overused and cast no glimpse of despair or sadness into my being. The poem seemed to collapse at the end: there was no explanation for why your life was in peril, or why anyone should care.

(before I say anything about yr poem, I must say that when you write a constructive criticism, tell what you LIKE too!!! If you don't like anything keep your mouth shut!!!)
OK, I like how you coined the word "scree" but I suggest that you explain it either at the beginning or end of your poem, otherwise people like me are left a bit confused.
I like your similies, but i must agree about the ending.

Late night cars hum by on the main road
A siren sounds in the distance
It yells of another life in peril
Along with mine

Why is your life in peril? WE know that you're afraid, but that's all. Maybe you can elaborate on that. Good job otherwise.